Thursday, May 28, 2009

May has been filled with SUPRISES!!!!

Well yesterday I got an amazing job and was confirmed on the Board of Directors for Phoenix Youth At-Risk. Today on the way to the ER after David vomited I found out that because of budget cuts there is no longer a summer program that can accommodate us. Then we get to Phoenix Children’s Hospital and discover that David’s shunt has disconnected from the tube that drains it. Apparently the tube is now sitting in his stomach. They gave me 30 minutes to prepare for an emergency surgery and off we went. Unlike the other 29 surgeries that his regular neurosurgeon Dr. Moss has completed the surgeon who is operating on David has never even seen us before, and knows nothing about David except the few notes he read in David’s thousand page chart while he rushed to prepare for surgery.

Insult to Injury...

They told me I could go back to the OR with him. You see the operating room is a very cold room filled with anywhere from 5 to 10 people all in scrubs, masks, and hair nets. There are bright lights, large machines, surgical equipment everywhere (knifes, scissors, clamps) and everything is covered with blue clothes. They lay David on a table and generally I hold him in my arms place the gas mask on him and sing to him till he falls asleep. (A little less scary than them taking him from me lying on a table, people with masks hovering over him while they hold him down and place a large plastic object over his face). As they wheeled him in the Anesthesiologist said that me going back was “not going to happen”.

As I was rushed to say my goodbyes reality hit me and I began to ball. I tried to be strong but there was just no strength in me. Then the nurse asked if there was anything they could do to make things easier on me and I replied teach your Anesthesiologist some manners. He could have told me that it was an emergency and there just was not time but he showed no sympathy or understanding. I then told them that although to them my son was just another patient they were taking away my world to go operate on his BRAIN!

I don’t know what God is doing but in the last two weeks I have graduated, lost the funding source I have survived on for the last two years, got a job, lost childcare, and am searching for a new church because of some unfortunate situations. It is a bit overwhelming for someone who doesn’t adapt well to change! I am trusting God that he is placing me were I need to be at a very rapid pace for a reason and that in time I will understand it all but, at this time I am lost and very scared.

God I am holding on for dear life but, please send me a sign or something I feel like I am being consumed with fear and confusion.

I am still anxiously waiting for an update! David is still in surgury and has been for over an hour. Still no word but I will update the bog tomorrow.

No comments:

Post a Comment