Miracles Happen... and David is Proof!!!
David's story is about a Heroic little boy who has managed to inspire the world with his strength, courage, and smile. His journey can remind us all to remain faithful, hopeful, believe, and Smile!
I share our journey openly. It is real, raw, and uncut, and although I share our faith, miracles, and blessing, I also honestly share the ugly truth about what parenting a child with special needs sometimes entails.
Monday, December 31, 2012
This last year has been an extremely challenging year for us. We have experienced some of our greatest highs and encountered some of our greatest lows. I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around 2012, but one thing I do understand is that God has been present through it all. Moving forward I'm excited to see what's in store for us in 2013. I'm ready to embrace this journey with God being our pilot and David being the most amazing wingman I could ever have!
Happy New Years Eve... Cheers to many blessings and a year filled with memories and experiences beyond our wildest dreams!!!
•*¨*•.¸ ¸ Happy New Years to you & yours •*¨*•.¸ ¸. May
2013 be your best year yet! •*¨*•.¸ ¸.
I'm in aww of my Son David!!! I see hope in his bright eyes, I find peace in his smile, love in his laughter, and faith in every breath that he takes! David is my World and I find purpose in my life through his. Our life's might be a bit complicated from time to time, but that's what makes us the dynamic duo that we are! I am so very thankful that God chose us to help prove how real God is and that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST!
His Smile Truly Does Keep me Going & I know it blesses others as well!
I have been planning and saving for this trip for months. It was a desperate attempt to get away. I needed a break, to be removed from our environment so that I could slow down, breath, and take time to celebrate and appreciate my son's life. I had the entire trip planned out in my head. I would wake David up with a kiss and a Mickey Mouse doll I had gotten him. Then I would get him dressed in his Disney attired and we would spend the day in Disney World enjoying the rides, characters, lights, music, and most importantly each other! I didn't plan on Disney World being full and everything else around us being closed for the holidays!
Change of plans.... now we are sitting here in a dark hotel room while mom tries to pull herself together and stop crying hysterically!
This special day that I spent months planning for just blew up in my face. I'm trying so extremely hard to not let the situation get the best of me but I'm not doing a good job right now. I GET IT LIFE'S NOT FAIR, but I'm trying to make the best of the hand I've been dealt and my efforts still never seems good enough!
I wish I could find a happy Christmas face, at least for David, but the only emotions I can feel right now are disappointment and defeat!
I am feeling very blessed to have the opportunity to wake up on Christmas morning and take my son to Disney World "Where dreams come true". Cheers to making memories and many more years of laughs & smiles!
I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, but most importantly I would like to wish my best friend, my Lord & Savior a Happy Birthday! ~ Happy Birthday Jesus Christ ~
Travel itinerary, confirmation numbers, diapers, wipes, passports,
meds, letter of health for the dog, warm weather clothes, cold weather clothes,
dog food, snacks for the plane ride, camera, computer, phone, and chargers for
all of the above! This vacation was
intended to be a much needed relaxing getaway, but I have spent the last two
days preparing for it, overwhelmed and in tears.
Everything just seems like so much work and I don't know if
I'm up for the challenge at this point. I'm am just plain and simply tired! I sure
hope I can pull myself out of this funk because the whole purpose of this
Florida getaway was making beautiful memories with my amazing little man.
I sure hope that landing in Florida will be
enough to turn this frown upside down!
Today is just one of those days that I resent having to
struggle with the wheelchair everyday, today is one of those days that not
having a husband or partner to help seems so unfair! Today I'm struggling with
understanding God's plans for us and wishing life was just a little bit easier.
It's just one of those days I wish I could whine to my father about all the
silly little things I'm stressing over that really don't matter, so that
everything could feel better!
He dressed up as Santa Clause and we surprised several single parent families with bags full of Christmas Gifts on Christmas Eve. He was the skinniest Santa I have ever seen, but boy did he love being able to hand out gifts and put smiles on those families faces. I SURE DO MISS HIM AND ALL THE TIMES WE USE TO SHARE!!!!
I miss dad everyday, but for some reason today the pain of
his absence has felt unbearable. Maybe because this last week I shared stories
about him and his famous fudge with my students. I explained to them how for
dad his fudge was the way he shared his love! As a class we then made our own
batch of fudge to share with each other and our friends at school. It has made
me really miss him.
After I posted this picture on Facebook, I began cleaning out my shed and
randomly found a journal of his and one of his favorite hats. It could be coincidence, but I am
choosing to believe that it was him letting us know he is still with us in
David has been extremely shaky & lethargic since we left
the zoo so after another vomiting spell I decide to take to the ER if for
nothing else my peace of mind! The good news is he has no fever, he is still
smiling, and he's quite amused and giggling at all the hospital sounds. It
looks like it might just be the flu. I am probably just being paranoid since
our last experience but I rather be safe than sorry. Please say a prayer us.
Well at least the zoo wasn't our only quick trip this
evening. After less than five hours in the ER and we are being discharged and
heading home. David is dehydrated and has some sort of bug but other than that
all he needs is a little TLC.
All I can think of is crawling into my bed under warm overs
and catching a few hours of sleep before I have to get up for work and then I
remember.... David vomited all over my bed and all of my bedding before I
decided to bring him in. "Sigh" now to finish laundry and find a set
At least my little mans OK!
We got home a little after 2:00am and after some Zofran David
was able to keep down some pedialyte. He
is fast asleep and I sure wish I could join him. I am up and on my way to work. I can barely open my eyes and my first stop
is for a 24oz coffee. Thank God for
weekends and sleep!
I still not too sure how I went from being extremely excited
about the Starlight Foundations annual Christmas event at Zoolights to having a
meltdown while sitting in my car crying hysterically in a matter of 30 minutes!
We wait all year for the Starlight
Foundation's Christmas event which is phenomenal. After a stressful month I was
really looking forward to some much-needed QT with my Dayday! Once we got into the zoo we entered a
lavishly decorated hall with a Wizard of Oz theme. There were decorations, Christmas carolers
the whole nine yards. We had just got
seated to enjoy our meals & no more
than five minutes in I realize David is
acting a little funny. I leaned over to
check on him and right at that moment he projectile vomited all over himself,
me, my purse, and the dinner table.
Needless to say we left the event, both covered in vomit doing
the walk of shame. As we get around the
corner David says "mom why you crying?" and all I could say is
"really David". I'll probably
laugh about this tomorrow but right now I'm completely stressed out and
overwhelmed! It's been a long day, long week, long month and all I wanted to do
is finally enjoy a Holiday event with the love of my life.
To be honest, I think what has me so upset is the thought that whatever David might have might require a trip to the ER or Hospital. I know it is silly, but even the thought of going to the hospital gives me great anxiety. All I can think about is that the last time David went to the hospital he almost did not make it back home. I love my life, it has made us who we are, I would not change things for the world, but sometimes I wish we could be “normal” just for the Holidays.
CHRISTmas is only 13 days a way and I am trying to remain positive and focus on what this season is all about, but I have been thrown some curve balls this month. My dental work has taken much longer and cost much more than I had anticipated spending this month. I am having a real hard time recovering from my surgery (dental implant) and I have been in constant pain for the last five days. I am swollen, uncomfortable and I can't eat!!!! That makes for one grumpy me. In addition to my dental fiasco, my mechanic just informed me that I need almost $500.00 worth of work to my vehicle. When it rains it pours!!! Well I guess I will be unpacking my rain boots and umbrella and preparing to weather this storm because after the rain comes a RAINBOW! I am excited to move past 2012 and into 2013 where I know God has many more blessings in-store for David and I. With so many positive changes in our lives and having let go of some unnecessary baggage this last year David and I are finally prepared to enter this new year off fresh... 2013 HERE WE COME!!!
I've been struggling a little lately. Not about anything big
just a whole bunch of little things.
I've been missing my dad, worried about David getting sick, buried at
work, trying to prepare for the holidays, keeping the house work kept up,
managing the finances, Finding time and money to get my dental work completed,
and somehow finding time for family and friends which is what the holidays are
all about! I have been just a little overwhelmed
with life in general.
Last week, I had five minutes of downtime so I stopped at Subway
for lunch. Everything I still needed to
get done started racing through my head.
As I went to enter the restaurant
I noticed a little old man in a wheelchair sitting outside the subway
entrance. As I entered he asked me if I
could do him a favor and open the door so that he could go in and eat. This particular subway didn't have a handicap
button so he was unable to open the door and get in on his own. I open the door for him and gave him an inviting smile. He began to joke with me about how hungry he
was and that while he was sitting out there his stomach was growling at him.
As I was ordering my sub I felt compelled to pay for this precious mans lunch as well, so I purchase a gift card. I instructed the cashier to hand it to the man
to pay for his meal but, only after I left the building.
For that moment all of my problems and everything I had been
worried about seemed so insignificant. This
man was not frustrated or angry as he patiently waited for someone to help him. His attitude reminded me to slow down and appreciate the little things we so often take for granted. Buying his lunch was just a small gesture to thank him for sharing his smile with me.
I know what it's like
to have device intended to provide you more freedom also act as a barrier. David and I have lived with a wheelchair attached to our lives. I also know what it's like to be be stuck outside watching from a window or the side lines, and I know how
out-of-control it feels when no matter how hard you try there's just some
things you can't do by yourself. I truly know because I live that life with my
son. Although, I didn't want this precious man to know that it was me who
blessed him with his lunch, part of me wanted to squeeze him and let him know
how much he had blessed me. I wanted to
let him know how courageous he was and how special his smile is!
I am going to make an conscious effort to focus on those
around me, I will enjoy smiles and share mine! When I get overwhelmed I will remind myself that my too do
list, although important, is not worth my joy!
I have had a tough couple of weeks at work
and my days have been long and intense. When I get home I am so exhausted that caring
for David is the only energy I can muster up.
My household chores including yard work have been far too overwhelming
for me to even think about!
Today some neighbors I have never met before came over. It was a husband and wife and the wife
explained that her husband was a landscaper and wanted to work on my yard. I thought they were trying to sale his
services so I asked for a quote and they replied “we just want to help you”.
Since the home remodel I have taken great pride in our new
home and have gone out and pulled weeds every weekend, but now that I am
juggling the dog and extra hours at work I have been slacking and feeling very
guilty about it. Only God knew how overwhelmed I was feeling and he
sent help. Thank you God and random
neighbors who care. That is one less
thing for me to worry about this week ;)
I can't deny the fact that I am the psycho mom who still
sends her 16-year-old to school with cupcakes and prize bags for his birthday! Oh and guess what... He slept with me last night so that I could wake
him up singing Happy Birthday to him ;)
What can I say he is officially a typical 16 year old...
16 years ago today, God blessed me with a beautiful miracle that would forever change my life. For the last 16 years David has blessed this world with his smile and taught grown adults what it means to be courageous. HAPPY BIRTHDAY My Love... Mommy loves you with all her heart!!!
Thank you God for the opportunity to share another year with my Dayday!
Today marks 9 months since David got sick and on Tuesday my
Dayday will be 16 on Tuesday.
days draw closer, I find myself more and more emotional! Partly because my baby boy is not such a baby
anymore and also because after almost loosing him 9 months ago, I know what a
miracle having the opportunity to celebrate his birthday this year is!
I can't imagine my life without David and everyday I thank
God for giving me my own little perfect
angel to help me through this journey.
As cold and flu season roll around the trauma of David and
my experiences last February haunt me.
I vividly remember those long sleepless nights and the
doctors telling me that there was no way my son could survive.
The virus had taken over, his organs were shutting down, he
had been non-responsive, and he could no longer breath on his own. David was on
100% life-support and quickly deteriorating. There was nothing more the doctors or the machines could do for him.
I also remember dragging myself to church on no sleep and
throwing myself at the altar, heartbroken I begged God for a miracle.
And then... I
remember David opening his eyes and showing the world how Great our God is!!!
Day 15: I am thankful that my son’s joy shines through him everyday.
The bus driver just told me that he is the happiest kid on the bus. David smiles from 6:10 till 8:00 (then entire hour and 50 minute ride). Then he continues to smile for the duration of the day ;) It truly is his smile that keeps me going!
Day 13: I am thankful that this Holiday season I will not have the burden of worrying about how I will provide for my son for Christmas. This year I have decided to sponsor a single parent family for Christmas. The organization that I am adopting the family through is a local nonprofit that has helped David and I immensely. They made sure we had a Christmas while I was unemployed and attending college. It feels amazing to be on the other end of the Christmas drive this year. I would have never been able to educate myself and offer David the stability and life he deserve without everyone’s love and support and amazing organizations like Helping Hands. I would love to be able to adopt even more families, but I cannot do it alone.
If you are not already committed to a Christmas drive and would like to be part of something amazing please let me know and I can forward you this family’s wish list. Even if you are unable to help me in my efforts, remember that CHRISTmas is about sharing Christ’s love so I challenge you all to do it in any way you can!
Never fails that when I begin to
get tired and/or weary I receive a
random message or call (sometimes from random strangers) from people who want to share with us how my
son, his smile, or our story has impacted their lives or that they care. It always comes as a gentle reminder of what
our journey is about. It is about
pushing forward, overcoming, and allowing our journey to testifying how
faithful our God is and how strong we can be when we choose to fully rely on
him for our strength.
Sometimes it’s as simple as
someone taking a few moments to share a few kind words, that helps me step back
and put everything in perspective. So to
each and everyone one of you who have taken the time to encourage us throughout
this journey just KNOW that you have made a difference.
Take the time to encourage others
whether you know them or not. Life can
be challenging and in the mist of those challenges it is easy for our human
nature to become defeated. Sometimes a
simple reminder, whatever that may be, is all someone might need to muster the
courage necessary to continue on! You
never know what a significant impact those few words of encouragement might
have on somebody's journey… so share them!
For myself, I find that I often get caught up in “the challenges
of life” and quickly become exhausted.I know things eventually always
slow down and I always manage to pull through,
but in the meanwhile I sometimes need to be reminded of what our journey
is about... Love, Courage, Hope, Faith, Grace!
"To the world you might be
one person, but to one person you might be the world"
Today we participated in the 4th
annual Hope Walk which benefits Hopekids.
A note from Mylee’s mother Sara…
The Legend of the Backward
Once upon a time, there was a
princess who did everything backward.When she was supposed to be born,
she almost died. But she lived, and everyone was happy.
But when she was supposed to
swallow her food down, she threw it up, instead.
When she was supposed to walk,
her legs wouldn't work right. And when she was supposed to sing, as princesses
do, she struggled to make words.
The King and Queen and the whole
kingdom loved their Backward Princess very much, but sometimes they just didn’t
know what to do for her.
They visited royal doctors. They
tried magic spells and potions and sometimes, the Backward Princess would
With her sunshine smiles, her
wiggles & giggles, her dances with her mommy, and the times she could say,
“I love you, daddy” she would fill the kingdom with hope.
A new princess joined the family,
and she zoomed forward and loved her princess sister.
Together, the royal family filled
the kingdom with their brave journeys, their love & smiles, and really
awesome facebook pix.
The Queen herself went on a quest
to cure the Backward Princess. She
braved the dark forest of doubt and fear, she battled the deadly swamp monsters
of health care, she learned from the sages, and through it all the King
protected them when they needed it, and sent the Queen a margarita when she
But nothing they tried could
change the destiny of the Backward Princess and before you knew it, it was her
time to pass on. But she did that
She didn’t die from a magic spell
or a dragon battle or a poisoned charm in fact, she hardly died at all.
Her backward story–and don’t
forget those facebook posts–touched life after life after life . . . she just
kept living in the hearts of the King and the Queen and her princess sister,
and then her story grew beyond that, and she was celebrated all throughout the
kingdom . . .
The Backward Princess taught many
people how to live and love and embrace their lives and grow forward and her spirit will soar free,
In Memory of Mylee, please donate
to this wonderful organization. We
continue to give praise, to fight hard, and to have 24:07:HOPE... Give to
Hopekids Arizona!! ♥ http://www.hopekids.org/ .
I'm a real person and there are times throughout this
journey that I get exhausted, overwhelmed, and even feel defeated. Even when my
human nature causes me to stumble or fall I know I will ALWAYS get back up!!! I
was born a fighter and I will die a fighter and when I can't find the fight
within myself I look at my beautiful little man David who is a perfect example of
what courage in facing the world is all about. God is amazing and faithful
& when I can't do it myself God always remind me that I can do all things
through Christ that strengthens me!
I have a dear friend who has two children with MPS IV. She
is a single mom who has sacrificed her life to care for her children. Life has
not been easy for her or her children. Yet, she still manages to embrace li
fe and move forward for her kids. Right now she has been
traveling once a week, with two children in wheel chairs to get her kids the
medical treatment they need. As a result, she has had to quit her job to focus
solely on them and their care. This has taken a toll on her and her family
financially, physically, and emotionally.
This morning she called me crying because she needs new
tires and brakes for her wheelchair accessible van that she uses to transport
her children. She is barley making ends meet and was overwhelmed with the
thought of another expense that she does not have the funds for. I have been
there and understand how hard it is to make sacrifices for your child’s needs
at the cost of you financially stability. For most of us we have the luxury of
taking care of our needs as they arise and I would really love to bless this
mother and show her that God and people who care will help her provide for her
beautiful children even if she personally doesn’t have the means to do so.
I have made a personal fundraising goal of $500.00 which
would allow her to at least take care of the immediate issues with her vehicle.
If everyone gave just a small amount we could make this happen very easily.
Please help me show this family how truly special and supported they are!
Last night when David got tired he said "come on" and
we made our way to his room. We cuddled for a second but I quickly left the
room so he could get used to bonding with Cadance. To our surprise he stayed in
bed and didn't even get out once. So then mommy went stalker and watched him for hours from monitors in my room ;)
Day two and he didn't even get out of bed to look for me...
I think my feelings are a little hurt! LOL
9:44pm - Uggg... It is bed time ;( David and Cadance are in bed and mommy is
going to watch them on surveillance for a few hours before I try and sleep all
ALONE in my King size bed. I think the
hardest part will be keeping David in his own bed since he keeps trying to
climb out to find me. To tell you the
truth it might be even harder keeping me from crawling into bed with him. Gosh I love him my little man so much, but
this separation (as hard as it is) is long over due!!!!
10:32pm - So I broke... After watching David sit at the gate
and pathetically look for me, I crawled into bed with him. Right when I laid
down with him and he grabbed my arms and wrapped them around him. I laid there
and cried until he fell asleep. I AM A BIG GIRL... I CAN DO THIS! I just have
to keep reminding myself that this is just another challenge to get us to the
amazing life we have been waiting for... the life God has for us.
5:06am - We did it!!!! We both made it through the nights in
our own beds. I was woken this morning to David sneaking out of bed and setting
off the alarm ;) Well we made it through the night and I even woke up at 5am
for a practice run.
Last night we let David and Cadance just get acquainted to one another. David was able to sleep with me one last night. Today the two of them practiced lying
in bed together. We watch them through surveillance in another room. Their bond
is priceless! I cannot lie mommy is a little jealous. I know that tonight will
be a very long and emotional night for me.
Last night we had the opportunity to finally meet our new Service Dog ~ Her name is Cadance and she is beautiful! David and her had an immediate connection and they have already developed a couple of precious games with each other! Boot camp is and will be intense and will keep me very busy for the next few weeks, but it is a very small price to pay considering that this amazing gift is a Dream Come True for David and I!!!
I just got of the phone with Brian the owner of Arizona Goldens, I still don’t know what dog we are getting
because it is a surprise, but we are officially beginning boot camp tomorrow evening.
This means that for the first time in 15
years David will be able to sleep safely in his own bed.
Brian said they recently took our dog to an event for
children with a variety of special needs so that they could expose the dog to
various medical conditions and see how she interacted. He said that the dog immediately showed interested
in particular children, but all of their special needs were very different. After speaking to the parents of the children
the dog took to, he discovered that although the children all suffered from
different disabilities the one characteristic they shared was epilepsy. This
is very comforting news.
I wanted to again than SheKnows for all of the amazing
things they have done for our family. Life
is so very different for us now and Thank You just doesn't seem to be enough!!! I also wanted to thank our church. the River
of Life who took a love offering for
David and I last Sunday. As a result, we
were able to collect enough money to purchase a home surveillance system. Tomorrow morning we are having surveillance
cameras installed throughout our house so that David can be monitored (for his safety)
as we get adjusted to his new found independence.
I am so very excited about this step in our lives. Although, I must admit that letting go of some of the customs
that David and I are so use to is still a little scary. Lately I have been working long hours and it
seems as if the only time David and I get to bond and cuddle is bed time. Him and I both having our independence is
long overdue, but not having an excuse to keep him in my bed is giving mommy a
little separation anxiety.
I guess that means it is time for us to create new customs
and traditions in our NEW LIFE =)
As get in my car to drive home from work I feel a knot
welling in my throat. The minute I start
the car I can no longer contain my tears, like a faucet the tears begin
streaming down my cheeks and I can help but to think to myself:
“Sometimes I don't feel strong enough, I don't feel brave
enough, sometimes I just don't feel like enough!!! “
I turn on K-LOVE and begin my drive home and the first song
that comes on is More Than Amazing by
You're the One who walked on water And You calmed the raging seas You command the highest mountains To fall upon their knees You're the One who welcomed sinners And You opened blinded eyes You restored the brokenhearted And You brought the dead to life Forgetting all our sins You remember all Your promises (Chorus) You are amazing More than amazing Forever our God You're more than enough You are amazing
I quickly realized that I don’t
need to be enough because my Lord is more than enough. In that moment God reassured me that he is
and always will be more than enough!
I can’t help but to feel so
defeated at times.
Whatever it is I am going through
is very uncomfortable. I have spent my
entire adult live chasing my goals and now that I have reached most of them I
am struggling with what is next. I am
the type of person who has my entire life planned out. My plans haven’t worked out too well so
letting God determine what’s next is a great thing, but very distressing for
me. I feel so lost, my future seems so
I do realizes that sometimes
being lost is the only place I can be, that allows God to find me and me find
him. I know that it has been on my knees
that I have received the most healing and my life has been the most
transformed. I am at a place of complete
surrender. On my knees is where I will
stay while I allow God to determine what is next for us.
I have had people ask me how I could remain so faithful in God when even after years of
prayers and faith David still struggles with many medical challenges. David may or may not ever walk, but maybe
David's healing isn't about David's
medical condition changing.
Through David and his "disabilities" the broken
little girl inside of me has been made whole, my father who didn't believe in
the same God we do found Jesus before he died, and through David's smile
hundreds if not thousands of people
around the world have been inspired and encourage through watching his
So yes, David still has the same medical conditions he was
born with 15 years ago. His diagnosis may never change, but just maybe his
healing isn't about changing the circumstance we have been given. What if it's choosing to let God heal hundreds of hearts and souls
with his story is what our journey is about?
Healing is not defined as
something being removed it is defined as mending or growing sound, which
has definitely happened in our lives and the lives of those around us through
our experiences caused by David's condition.
On Sunday I laid in bed all day, being lazy watching a Touched By An Angel
marathon. I couldn't help but to feel blessed that my life has been touched by a
real angel... David you inspire me and enrich the lives of everyone around you!
I feel honored that I've been chosen by God to be the mother of such a precious
This past Sunday my Pastor gave a sermon
about scars, their significance, and what they represent.
He referenced John 20:20
"When He had said this, He
showed them His hands and His side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw
He spoke on how it was the scars
that Jesus bared in his hands, feet, and side that made him identifiable to his
people. Once they were able to see the
scars the people could confirm that it was indeed Jesus Christ resurrected.
My scars run deep, but they do
however verify that I love a real and loving God because as my pastor stated
"if you have scars you are still alive" which is the true testament
of the ordeal that caused the scar in the first place.
In September of 2006 I was given an assignment
in a reflective writing class to write about a physical scar and its
correspondence to an internal scar.
This was my entry:
“His little head carries many
scars. Twenty seven to be exact. Each one represents a difficult moment in our
lives. A challenge which left emotional
scars much deeper than the visual scars seen on his head. A reminder that 27 times doctors entered his little
brain and all 27 times mommy waited and prayed, cried, and prayed some
more. His scars are a constant reminder
that any day could be time for 28.”
Now David's scars total 31 and I no
longer see them as a reminder of what is to come, I allow them to remind us of
how much we have already overcome. I
am learning to embrace our scars for they only represent dark times in our
lives if I allow them too. My God is
real and David's scars are proof that miracles happen.
Our scars tell a story of strength,
faith, hope, endurance, and a God beyond measure. Will you allow your scars to testify the same
Helping Hands for Single Moms is a local nonprofit that
provides scholarships and support to single mothers in college. They have been very instrumental in our
success. They recently featured our
story in their newsletter.
An incredible story of a mother's persistent love!
I'd be lying if I denied the fact that me being single without more kids and a complete family at 33 sometimes made me question what might possibly be wrong with me. I'm educated, ambitious, have standards and values, and take pride in my parenting. I have settled in the past and now realize that despite my flaws I'm worth waiting for a man who can offer me the same. The lesson I am learning is.., being single is not about being rejected or not good enough, it's about God protecting me from duplicating the mistakes of my past! David and I deserve all that we are willing to offer and I'm at a point in my life where I'm content with waiting for just that!
“H.O.P.E. Heaven Opening People’s Eyes, I believe if we could only see life through the eyes of heaven, our journeys might not be as challenging. Hope is what gets you out of bed when life seems to difficult o face another day. Hope is why we do all that we do for our kids. Hope is what makes you smile even when your soul is crying. HOPE is often times the only lifeline we have to persevere. I fight this fight because I hope my son knows how much I love him. I wake up every day HOPING the world will see how much God blesses us daily, and when life seems too challenging to even think that hard, I go to bed HOPING tomorrow is better!”
Sometimes I find myself struggling with the loss of what David "doesn't have". As he gets older the things he might not ever have the opportunity to do become more apparent. This weekend I realized that some children are born with brains that can't drain their own fluid, legs that don't work, kidneys that might not function properly, ect...
We may not ever understand why, but I do truly believe that for what those kids may not have on this earth, God gives them all an amazing pair of wings! We are blessed with Angels!!!
Thank you will never be enough, but THANK YOU to everyone
who was part of making this happen! It has been life changing and has given
David and I an opportunity to have a new start we had needed =) God is so faithful and has proven that
sometimes all he needs is for us to lay our burdens down, so that he can pick
I got a job offer for ACCEL ~ ACCEL (Arizona Centers for
Comprehensive Education and Life Skills) is a private, nonprofit organization
for children with special needs, ages 5-22, and adults 18 and over. Life is
beginning to look up and I am trying to focus on my relationship with God to
pull myself out of the rut I have been in.
I know how truly blessed I have been, but life still hurts
from time to time and I just need a little time to re-cooperate. I am back =)
and excited to see what God has instore for us!
Our Homergency episode will go live tomorrow and I will be
sure to post the link as soon as it is up! Thank you everyone who has been so
very supportive of us while I have tried to find myself.
Off to the hospital =( David has been under the weather for
the last 24 hours, he has had diarrhea and has not wanted to get out of bed. I
was cleaning the carpet where he had had an accident and went to get a towel.
When I got back he was chugging the carpet cleaner! Say a prayer for us, Poison
Control has recommended we go to the hospital.
David is doing much better! Still a little under the
weather, but recovering. Maybe those chemicals killed his virus ;)
Mommy on the other hand is struggling… Just him getting sick
puts me on an emotional roller coaster. I have flash backs of taking him to the
ER and then being told he might not ever return home. I don’t want to live in
fear and I am trying to let God heal me right now, but where it stands I am
still very scared.
I am putting one foot in front of the other and moving
forward, but with all the recent changes in my life I am struggling with the
transition. There is no doubt that the life ahead of us is much more promising
than the life we are letting go of, but letting go is still challenging.
Today I will sign my contract with ACCEL and tomorrow David
and I are of to spend some much needed QT with my Big Bro and his family (who
always makes me feel better). God is in control, life hurts, but I still know I
am blessed beyond measure and even some of the things that hurt right now are
blessings in disguise. God only removes people in things when he wants to
replace them with better.
I know many people have been concerned about me. I have not felt like I could face the world so I have isolated myself in an attempted to rely on God to help me figure things out. Many of you are wondering if I am OK and the truth is I am not, but I will be!
For those of you who don't know I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I have experienced several traumatic events in my life which have made it intensify my situations when traumas occur. Recently I have been struggling with transition in my life. I know God is in the mist of the changes occurring, but change and goodbyes are still very difficult for me to process, no matter how necessary they may be.
In addition, to David's near death experience I have also been dealing with our realities. I love my son for who he is, but that does not change the fact that at times my heart aches for who he can never be. I would never trade David's amazing spirits for legs that would work, but as his mother it still hurts to watch other kids run. Watching my child struggle to move and/or breath while most of the world takes forgranted of those blessings. I don't know why we where chosen for this life, I just have to trust that God is in control and knows what he is doing. I have been doing this alone since I was 16, and I am tired, lonely, and trying to figure out my place in all this. I have to keeping on pushing forward no matter how tired I become because my little man needs and deserves a healthy mommy.
As a teacher my job is to teach children things like their ABC's which I can't do for my own child. From time to time that reality sinks in and is very hard to swallow. Life hurts right now!!! My chest feels like it is caving in, and facing everyday takes all that I have and then some.
Life is not fair, this we all know and I will get over it, but it is a process I am struggling with right now. Do I know God is real and with me, without a shadow of a doubt. That being said... it still hurts.
Please understand that I know God is working in our lives. I know that I have been blessed to have the opportunity to watch God complete a miracle in my home, my son's life, and now I believe he is making me deal with the many deep rooted issues in my life so he can restore my heart. A very painful process that will be worth it in the end.
I want everyone who has supported us to know that I appreciate you all, I could not face these obstacles without your embrace. For those who have complicated this journey, used us, betrayed or hurt us, (intentionally or not) I forgive you, but it is time I take control of my life back. I must look forward and never look back. I have to seek the Lord now and can't afford distractions, but we will be back to share our story and smiles again soon! =)
I have learned so very much in the last few months... I have learned how very painful the truth is and that it is when times get rough that you realize that the people you thought were on your team are not and that people you didn't think were their have been silently cheering you on all along!
I have so much to be thankful for so I am going to chalk this up to a lesson learned and thank God that he has removed those people from David and my life so that we can embrace all the amazing friends he has blessed us with. The genuine and sincere people in our lives.
I am just feeling so very broken! I know that is the best time for God to come in and mend my pieces... it just doesn't make it hurt any less for the time being! =(
Life might come with disappointment and challenges, but at the end of the day I can always celebrate the fact that God blessed me with a beautiful little boy. One whose smile brightens my life. I love David more than life itself and on days that pushing forward seems impossible I look into David's eyes and know ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
For the last few weeks I have felt blessed beyond
measure. I can’t seem to find the words
to articulate how extremely grateful we are.
Last Sunday the pastors wife shared a testimony which really summed it
up quite perfectly.
“God is always with us” she proclaimed. She shared about a time in her life, in which
she felt down. She explained how she
struggled with the idea that God was with us in those moments we feel so
alone. She spoke about how hard it was
for her to see God in the midst of her miscarriage. She knew he did not cause her to miscarry,
but questioned where God was in the midst of her pain and grief.
She than explained that God spoke to her showing her that
even though it felt as if he was not their he was indeed by her side. On the days that followed many friend and
members of her church congregation supported them. When she was unable to clean her house God
sent women from the church to volunteer.
On the days that getting out of bed and cooking meals where tasks to
intense, he sent members of the church with dinner, “that is how you could see
me and my presence in the midst of your pain”.
That is how I feel.
For many years I struggled to see God in my life, situation, and even
heart at times. I felt so lost,
abandoned, and neglected. My
perspective has changed and when I wonder where God is, I see him in the
College and High school soccer teams washing cars on weekends to help me with
David’s medical expense, I see God in our new friends who our fundraising for
us all the way from KS, and his presence is present in the contractors and
volunteers putting our new house together!
God is with us always, continuously working in our lives! He has always been there, but sometimes he
comes in packages we might not expect.
Thank you God, for sending all the amazing people you have,
who were willing to be a vessel and part
of changing our lives. You have all been
God hands and feet embracing us when we needed God's warm embrace. David and I are now in an amazing place
because of it.
Only 3 more hours until I get the best Mother’s day gift in
the world. The ability to see my son in
the home he needs and deserves!
Besides the new house... I have a new found faith and hope in our savior which I had lost for some time. I knew that God was real and capable of saving lives, I just didn't know he loved me enough to do it for us.
We have struggled for sometime now and in the mist of me trying to save the world felt abandoned by God. I couldn't understand why with all his power and my faith he hadn't saved us.
He had thousands of years ago, but my need to be in control had interfered with his plans. In a desperate state I surrendered everything to him and within two months he restored my heart, my soul, my house, my son... and it goes on!
I know that I know that he is real and loves me and that feeling has aloud me to love myself and embrace my situation. Thank You Jesus and everyone else who has aloud him to use you to touch our lives.
I am so excited... The person making the cake does amazing work and is crafting a cake with a candy figure of David on it! www.carmensucakes.com
The cake has been generously donated by this baker through an organization called Icing Smiles Inc, which is a nonprofit organization that provides custom celebration cakes and other treats to families impacted by the critical illness of a child.
As the date draws closer I become more and more excited... I got the releases out to my students today so that they can be part of the show, we got our hotel info, and tomorrow we find out about wardrobe. This dream is become more of a reality everyday. God is so FAITHFUL.
If you would like to be part of the finale "The Reveal" Please mark your calenders for May 11th at 5:30pm. You will have to sign a release =) Everyone is invited to come and represent Team David!
Just handed off all of David's old Car's decor to the neighbor... With tears in here eye's she thanked me as her son grabbed everything and ran in the house. It feels so amazing to be in a place where I can pay it forward. Thank you so very much to everyone who has made that possible!
The dog in the picture would not be David's dog, they just brought Evan to see how David would react. If we get a dog it would be a puppy that would start training now, specifically for David and his needs. For a dog that can do both seizure alert and wheelchair assistance it cost approximately 18,000.00 which must be paid before we even enter boot camp. I have sale a lot of stuff and do some major fundraising to do, to make this happen!
I was a little discouraged about the price, but then a friend reminded me...
"its a lot, but how much would a live in aid cost, or a care home placement cost for a year? in perspective, the dog will cost less, and provide him with a sense of independence, not to mention, companionship and love from a furry friend!"
He who started will be Faithful to complete in you!
David is back to his toilet tricks! I know I longed for those days back, but I am over it. Lol Note to David from mommy… Enough already we need the only functioning toilet to work, at least until the Home Makeover =)
At 3:00 today we will be meeting with http://www.azgoldensllc.com/ about getting a service dog for David. Between that and our new home we will be one step closer to giving David more independence. I love my cuddle bug, but he can’t sleep with mommy forever! Being able to put him in his own room (which will be built next week) and know he is safe will be amazing.
The Producer of Homergency, Erin has asked me to forward this information to local family, friends, and businesses who might be interested in helping by volunteering their time and/or services. If have a talent and/or skill and would like to be part of our Homergency makeover please contact Erin Frisbie. The renovation begins on the 7th and the house will be the completed on May 11th. If you or your company would like to be part of our episode please contact Erin as soon as possible.
If you can help with anything, anytime during those 5 days, your assistance would be greatly appreciated.
Feel free to forward this information to anyone you know who might be interested.
The Producer and Contractor for Homergency just left and I am beyond excited!!!
For a long time I wondered if God had forgotten about me… I wondered why he wasn’t saving me when I faithfully believed in his power and ability to do so… I have since realized that he needed me to let go and surrender all control to him, before he could step in and save the day!
Once I did he was right their to pick up the piece. He has given me so much more than I could have even imagined asking for. Such a valuable lesson =)