Thursday, March 8, 2012
I feel like I am loosing my mind and I can’t win for loosing. I’m not sure what personality you are all getting today ;) I am just hurt and need to vent…
While doctors were doing rounds today they informed me that they think David is almost ready to be moved to the floor (out of ICU). We were celebrating this big move and his progress when I decided to bring up a few of my concerns with the attending doctor. I explained to him that David had come in with a cough and runny nose and within 2 days he was on 100% life support and I was told he probably wasn’t going to make it. I expressed my fears/concerns with David’s home treatment needs, and my desire to prevent and/or protect him this type of illness from happening again.
It was then the doctor decided to provide me with what I think he considered a “reality check”. “These kids” he said meaning kids “like” David. Well their life spans are not like ours. Their bodies are not made to endure, all that they have to endure. To be honest he said David has had 31 brain operations and has needed machines to make his lungs work. It is only technology that has allowed you to enjoy him this long. He informed me that most children “like David” fight hard, but generally loose their battle to an infection or virus like that one David just fought and that as his mother I needed to be prepared.
He explained that he knew how hard it was for parents who assume the role of caretaker of sick children to release that role, BTW he knew because “he has been in practice for 25 years” and not because he had ever actually done it himself. He recommended that I go seek counseling or speak to a pastor so that when “that time comes” meaning time to loose my child (the reason I wake up and breath every morning, my heart and soul) that I am prepared and compassionate and know the difference between trying to prevent his death and prolonging his death. I then informed him that his great speech was much easier said than done and that seeing David was his job in which he gets paid for, while David is my world and this is my life in which I have made many sacrifice to ensure that my son survives and thrives.
FYI Thanks for the pep talk Doctor Positive, I am now confused, scared, and in pieces.
This battle is God’s and not ours, only God has the final say not “Dr. Positive”, and I refuse to let Satan get the best of me. I am going to cherish every moment God grants me with my little Angel. His story, strength, courage, and love is changing the world… even if it is only one person at a time.
So I am going to find my smile through these tears for my Dayday, and know that tomorrow will be a better day!