Monday, December 31, 2012

This last year has been an extremely challenging year for us. We have experienced some of our greatest highs and encountered some of our greatest lows. I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around 2012, but one thing I do understand is that God has been present through it all.

Moving forward I'm excited to see what's in store for us in 2013.

I'm ready to embrace this journey with God being our pilot and David being the most amazing wingman I could ever have!

Happy New Years Eve... Cheers to many blessings and a year filled with memories and experiences beyond our wildest dreams!!!

•*¨*•.¸ ¸ Happy New Years to you & yours •*¨*•.¸ ¸. May 2013 be your best year yet! •*¨*•.¸ ¸.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

I'm in aww of my Son David!!! I see hope in his bright eyes, I find peace in his smile, love in his laughter, and faith in every breath that he takes! David is my World and I find purpose in my life through his.

Our life's might be a bit complicated from time to time, but that's what makes us the dynamic duo that we are! I am so very thankful that God chose us to help prove how real God is and that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST!

His Smile Truly Does Keep me Going & I know it blesses others as well!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

I have been planning and saving for this trip for months. It was a desperate attempt to get away. I needed a break, to be removed from our environment so that I could slow down, breath, and take time to celebrate and appreciate my son's life. I had the entire trip planned out in my head. I would wake David up with a kiss and a Mickey Mouse doll I had gotten him. Then I would get him dressed in his Disney attired and we would spend the day in Disney World enjoying the rides, characters, lights, music, and most importantly each other! I didn't plan on Disney World being full and everything else around us being closed for the holidays!

Change of plans.... now we are sitting here in a dark hotel room while mom tries to pull herself together and stop crying hysterically!

This special day that I spent months planning for just blew up in my face. I'm trying so extremely hard to not let the situation get the best of me but I'm not doing a good job right now. I GET IT LIFE'S NOT FAIR, but I'm trying to make the best of the hand I've been dealt and my efforts still never seems good enough!

I wish I could find a happy Christmas face, at least for David, but the only emotions I can feel right now are disappointment and defeat!

I am feeling very blessed to have the opportunity to wake up on Christmas morning and take my son to Disney World "Where dreams come true". Cheers to making memories and many more years of laughs & smiles!

I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, but most importantly I would like to wish my best friend, my Lord & Savior a Happy Birthday!

~ Happy Birthday Jesus Christ ~

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Travel itinerary, confirmation numbers, diapers, wipes, passports, meds, letter of health for the dog, warm weather clothes, cold weather clothes, dog food, snacks for the plane ride, camera, computer, phone, and chargers for all of the above!  This vacation was intended to be a much needed relaxing getaway, but I have spent the last two days preparing for it, overwhelmed and in tears. 

Everything just seems like so much work and I don't know if I'm up for the challenge at this point.   I'm am just plain and simply tired! I sure hope I can pull myself out of this funk because the whole purpose of this Florida getaway was making beautiful memories with my amazing little man. 

  I sure hope that landing in Florida will be enough to turn this frown upside down!

Today is just one of those days that I resent having to struggle with the wheelchair everyday, today is one of those days that not having a husband or partner to help seems so unfair! Today I'm struggling with understanding God's plans for us and wishing life was just a little bit easier. It's just one of those days I wish I could whine to my father about all the silly little things I'm stressing over that really don't matter, so that everything could feel better!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

This picture was taken during our 2006 Holiday drive. It was my father's last Christmas alive.

       He dressed up as Santa Clause and we surprised several single parent families with bags full of Christmas Gifts on Christmas Eve. He was the skinniest Santa I have ever seen, but boy did he love being able to hand out gifts and put smiles on those families faces. I SURE DO MISS HIM AND ALL THE TIMES WE USE TO SHARE!!!!

I miss dad everyday, but for some reason today the pain of his absence has felt unbearable. Maybe because this last week I shared stories about him and his famous fudge with my students. I explained to them how for dad his fudge was the way he shared his love! As a class we then made our own batch of fudge to share with each other and our friends at school. It has made me really miss him.

After I posted this picture on Facebook, I began cleaning out my shed and randomly found a  journal of his and one of  his favorite hats. It could be coincidence, but I am choosing to believe that it was him letting us know he is still with us in spirit.

Friday, December 14, 2012

7:42pm Update
David has been extremely shaky & lethargic since we left the zoo so after another vomiting spell I decide to take to the ER if for nothing else my peace of mind! The good news is he has no fever, he is still smiling, and he's quite amused and giggling at all the hospital sounds. It looks like it might just be the flu. I am probably just being paranoid since our last experience but I rather be safe than sorry. Please say a prayer us.

1:41am Update
Well at least the zoo wasn't our only quick trip this evening. After less than five hours in the ER and we are being discharged and heading home. David is dehydrated and has some sort of bug but other than that all he needs is a little TLC.

All I can think of is crawling into my bed under warm overs and catching a few hours of sleep before I have to get up for work and then I remember.... David vomited all over my bed and all of my bedding before I decided to bring him in. "Sigh" now to finish laundry and find a set of sheets.
At least my little mans OK!

5:43am Update
We got home a little after 2:00am and after some Zofran David was able to keep down some pedialyte.  He is fast asleep and I sure wish I could join him.  I am up and on my way to work.  I can barely open my eyes and my first stop is for a 24oz coffee.  Thank God for weekends and sleep!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

I still not too sure how I went from being extremely excited about the Starlight Foundations annual Christmas event at Zoolights to having a meltdown while sitting in my car crying hysterically in a matter of 30 minutes!   We wait all year for the Starlight Foundation's Christmas event which is phenomenal. After a stressful month I was really looking forward to some much-needed QT with my Dayday!   Once we got into the zoo we entered a lavishly decorated hall with a Wizard of Oz theme.  There were decorations, Christmas carolers the whole nine yards.  We had just got seated  to enjoy our meals & no more than five minutes in  I realize David is acting a little funny.  I leaned over to check on him and right at that moment he projectile vomited all over himself, me, my purse, and the dinner table.  

Needless to say we left the event, both covered in vomit doing the walk of shame.  As we get around the corner David says "mom why you crying?" and all I could say is "really David".   I'll probably laugh about this tomorrow but right now I'm completely stressed out and overwhelmed! It's been a long day, long week, long month and all I wanted to do is finally enjoy a Holiday event with the love of my  life. 

To be honest,  I think what has me so upset  is the thought that whatever David might have might require a trip to the ER or Hospital.  I know it is silly, but even the thought of going to the hospital gives me great anxiety.  All I can think about is that the last time David went to the hospital he almost did not make it back home.  I love my life, it has made us who we are, I would not change things for the world, but sometimes I wish we could be “normal” just for the Holidays. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

CHRISTmas is only 13 days a way and I am trying to remain positive and focus on what this season is all about, but I have been thrown some curve balls this month.  My dental work has taken much longer and cost much more than I had anticipated spending this month.  I am having a real hard time recovering from my surgery (dental implant) and I have been in constant pain for the last five days.  I am swollen, uncomfortable  and I can't eat!!!!  That makes for one grumpy me.  

In addition to my dental fiasco, my mechanic just informed me that I need almost $500.00 worth of work to my vehicle.  When it rains it pours!!!  Well I guess I will be unpacking my rain boots and umbrella and preparing to weather this storm because after the rain comes a RAINBOW!

I am excited to move past 2012 and into 2013 where I know God has many more blessings in-store for David and I.  With so many positive changes in our lives and having let go of some unnecessary baggage this last year David and I are finally prepared to enter this new year off fresh...  2013 HERE WE COME!!!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

 I've been struggling a little lately. Not about anything big just a whole bunch of little things.  I've been missing my dad, worried about David getting sick, buried at work, trying to prepare for the holidays, keeping the house work kept up, managing the finances, Finding time and money to get my dental work completed, and somehow finding time for family and friends which is what the holidays are all about!  I have been just a little overwhelmed with life in general.

Last week, I had five minutes of downtime so I stopped at Subway for lunch.   Everything I still needed to get done started racing through my head.   As I went to enter the restaurant  I noticed a little old man in a wheelchair sitting outside the subway entrance.   As I entered he asked me if I could do him a favor and open the door so that he could go in and eat.  This particular subway didn't have a handicap button so he was unable to open the door and get in on his own.  I open the door for him and gave him an inviting smile.   He began to joke with me about how hungry he was and that while he was sitting out there  his stomach was growling at him.

As I was ordering  my sub I felt compelled to pay for this precious mans lunch as well, so I purchase a gift card.  I instructed the cashier to hand it to the man to pay for his meal but, only after I left the building. 

For that moment all of my problems and everything I had been worried about seemed so insignificant.  This man was not frustrated or angry as he patiently waited  for someone to help him.  His attitude reminded me to slow down and appreciate the little things we so often take for granted.  Buying his lunch was just a small gesture to thank him for sharing his smile with me. 

I know what it's like to have device intended to provide you more freedom also act as a barrier.  David and I have lived with a wheelchair attached to our lives.  I also know what it's like to be be stuck outside watching from a window or the side lines, and I know how out-of-control it feels when no matter how hard you try there's just some things you can't do by yourself.   I truly know because I live that life with my son.  Although, I didn't want this precious man to know that it was me who blessed him with his lunch, part of me wanted to squeeze him and let him know how much he had blessed me.  I wanted to let him know how courageous he was and how special his smile is!

I am going to make an conscious effort to focus on those around me, I will enjoy smiles and share mine!   When I get overwhelmed I will remind myself  that my too do list, although important, is not worth my joy!