Sunday, February 17, 2013


I attended church this morning knowing I needed God to fill my cup!  I have been anticipating the coming week for quite some time.  I have also tried to prepare myself for the emotional  challenges that might surface.  You see, February 20th marks six years since I lost my father/best friend and February 23rd marks the one-year anniversary of David falling ill.  My emotions are still very raw regarding the loss my father and almost losing my son.  Both events where and still are very traumatic for us.

As I sat through praise and worship I felt the presence of God.  I vividly remembered this time last year, I remembered being in one of the most desperate and broken states of my life.  I came to church and through myself at the alter.  I pleaded with God to spare my son.  It was the first time in a long time that I was not distracted and/or did not care who might be around or  watching.  I knew I needed God and that was all that mattered.  My flesh had been defeated and had nothing left in me to fight our battle alone!  In my cries God graciously heard me.  He mercifully protected both David and myself as we spent the following weeks and months enduring the fight of our lives.   Eventually we both recovered physically, emotionally, and spirituality and God continues to carry us today. 

Psalm 46:1-3
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. "Selah".”

Those experiences of loss left an ache in my heart, but God has since revealed their purpose.  God had granted me his perfect understanding and as brutal as those events were I know they were crucial to my walk.  Our journey has allowed me to grow and gain such a greater understanding of the God we serve.  

I will never forgot the doctors words “sorry mom, but there is nothing more we can do and there is no way he can make it through this one”.  I also remember my heart sinking as a million and one question raced through my head.  How can I live without him? and how could I ever survive the challenges of life without his smile to keep me going?    And then…  I remember the moment when Bridget leaned over and whispered in his ear and to everyone's surprise David opened his eyes and responded for the first time in days.  Defying all odds, shocking doctors, and sharing a miracle with everyone anxiously watching!!!!   I remember his first breath with out the machines and even though I remember the pain of the events that followed our ER visit in February of last year,  I also  will never forget all the blessing God gave us in the months that followed his recovery.  God confirmed that not only would he see us through the trials of our lives, but that he would carry us through when we needed him too.    So this week when my head tries to go to dark places I will remind myself of God’s light that saw us through and continues to shine through our story today.   

My father's absence still hurts immensely, but I know he's with the Lord.  He is in a  place where he is sitting peacefully, pain free, and smiling down on us.   As much as I miss him I know that in due time we will meet again!!!!

The thought of David getting sick again it is still very scary and surreal.  Although the events that I am reminded of this week in February are some of the most traumatic experiences in our lives,  they have also been some of the most life altering and life transforming experiences as well.  They have brought me to a place of complete surrender and then and only then where my guards down enough to allow God to move.  David did survive and God used our battle to share his VICTORY with the world! Our experience have shined through our life and honored Jesus in such a way that although there is still some pain associated with our trials, I would endure that pain a million times over to glorify our God.    

Our crisis last year and the events that followed began with a runny nose and a seizure.  I will never forget that seizure because not only was it one of the worst seizure David ever had, but it was also the last seizure David had since February 23, 2012.   David has been seizure free for almost a year, which is the longest he has gone without one since he was a year old.   

Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”


No comments:

Post a Comment