Sunday, April 27, 2014

I don't want to wake up and face tomorrow, but not facing life is not an option.  From what I understand the prison has been trying to find the best possible hospital to perform my mothers surgery because of the high risk involved.  At this point I don't know when, where, or even what the surgery will entail.  I am going to try get some rest, but rest has not come easy lately.  

I have spent the last week anxiously starring at my phone hoping to get answers, but dreading the possibility that at any moment I could get "the call".  The same call I got when my dad passed. A one minute call that forever changed my  life.  A call that informs you that life as you know it will be forever change, happy moments will now hurt, as you try and survive life with a gaping whole in the center of your heart. I have done this way too many times to survive doing this again.   

Every breath I take hurts! I am trying everything humanly possible to cling to my faith, but there are some moments that every ounce of sanity I have left seems to  quickly drift right through my finger tips.  Jesus I know you are there and I know you hear my cries so I am begging you please help me with this pain!!!!!  Please Lord if your will is not for her to survive this please at least allow me the opportunity to make this right and give me the strength to survive this without her.  

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