I'm too broken right now to try and hide or sugar coat things so here it is... My mom has been in Prison in Madrid Spain since November. I have been extremely angry with her over her bad decisions which left me feeling very abandoned. Our contact has been very limited due to the circumstance. Last week I found out that she was diagnosed with cancer, but because I can not just pick up the phone and call her I had very few details and was left with many questions. I have tried to survive in denial while I got through some other crisis currently going on in our lives, but today reality slapped me in the face!!! I now know that the Cancer is wide spread and because of all of her other medical issues, she is at a very high risk of not surviving the surgery. I had to decide what I wanted to do with her body and I haven't even been able to talk to her yet.
Please don't tell me to trust God and/or please don't tell me to just focus on the positive because if it was that easy I would not be feeling this heart wrenching pain right now!!! What we need right now is prayer for either healing or for strength to carry us through.
I don't want to bury my last living parent, my son's only grandparent. I don't want to hear from the US Embassy that my mother is withering away in a jail cell in a foreign country all alone!
I'm pissed off, broken, tired, and feeling defeated!!!