Friday, May 30, 2014

I am so fortunate to have such phenomenal best friends who always come to my rescue. Last night they showed up and we broke bread, shared laughs, tears, and best of all we shared our love and support for one another!

Sometimes no matter how difficult life may be that's all you need to see the upside of things.  

I must say I think the funniest story of the night is me recapping my crybaby experience at the bank.  I was trying to explain to the banker that I needed my documents ASAP and didn't have time (5-7 days) because I was about to leave for Europe to go see my mother, who is in prison with cancer (like that's all normal). Just as he looked up from his computer like OMG what do I do next, the tears began pouring down my cheeks.  In the background there was this very loud drilling noise that was making my anxiety even worse then it already was.  Then in the middle of my meltdown I wiped my tears, looked at him and said "do you really work with this noise all day" and then I began crying again.  

You must've thought I was crazy and at that point I was!  Lol

Moral of the story... God, good friends and laughter fixes almost everything.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

I feel like I'm losing an internal battle with my emotions, they'recurrently winning and I'm falling to pieces!

I've been coping with things the best I know how and that is  just pushing forward full force. Perfect idea... I'll buy a new house.  That will give me something positive to focus on and keep my mind from racing, and that it did, until I hit a brick wall and was forced to face my realities.   I realized after I couldn't hold back tears at the bank. it's not about faxes not going through, emails not being received, figuring out my income for the summer, or any of those minute factors.  

On Saturday I will be leaving my baby boy for the longest time I've ever left him (knowing he is still having swallowing issues), to go visit my mother in prison!  I will be limited to three 2 hour visits.   I will have to ask a prison guard for permission to hug her, hold her, or interact with her in anyway. In 10 days she will be having a high-risk surgery that could possibly take her life.  I know everyone wants to comfort me, but it is much easier to say it's going to be ok, then it is to convince my emotions of that.  

I learned to quit questioning God "why" even though my mind still sometimes takes me to those places.  Why.., because I'm chosen and have a calling on my life.  Why?  Does not matter right now. How? is the bigger question.  Only by the grace of God and with the help of his everlasting strength will I pull through this!  

Monday, May 19, 2014

I am Dreaming BIG and faithfully believing!

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

I have been looking for a bigger house for quite some time. I would like to move and settle in to a home that David and I can be in for the rest of our lives. It has been a long hard road for us and I am at a place in my life that I am eagerly seeking being “settled”. Although this house is more space than we need now, if I get the family my heart desires this home is just PERFECT! I'm looking for a house we can call home for the rest of our lives. It even has a pool which would be great for David's therapy. 

I plan to put an offer on the house in the next month.  In order to qualify I would have to get the home at a much lower price than the seller currently has it listed for.  I do not want to offend the seller with my offer, but getting it reduce it the only way I will be able to qualify so I am just praying for favor.  Although it's a dream that seems out of reach at the moments I know God is always provided for us and miraculous ways so I'm still believing that this is a dream that can come true for us! I envision a home we could host youth events, care for more children of my own, foster babies. and more. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE GOD I SERVE!