Saturday, August 1, 2015

Oh these silly questions...

I normally don't post things like this. I guess I'm feeling bold/transparent and hope that being real about being a single parent, might offer a different perspective.

For the most part I don't even think about being a single parent because it really is all I've ever known. Even growing up as a child I never had the opportunity to experience having both parents raising children together. Every once in a while there's an ugly reminder that I really am the only parent David has. I try to rationalize in hopes that I could understand David's father's behavior. I try and offer grace because I know what an amazingly special gift he's missing out on.

Over the last two weeks I have had the opportunity to interact with families, children with both parents support, and then I realized that I have never had the opportunity to have that experience. I can't help but wonder if the reason David's father chose to parent his other child was because she was healthy.

How do you just walk away from your flesh and blood?
How could you understand that life was going to be "different than we expected ", challenging, and difficult and then walk away? Which meant I had to pick up the pieces all by myself at age 17.

You don't worry or care if he's healthy, having seizures, or has everything he needs. You don't inquire about his quality-of-life or demonstrate the slightest bit of effort to ensure that he has everything he deserves and more. David is an incredible human being. He was specially made by God to change lives.

Do you wonder who he is, who he has become, how hard it's been just the two of us all these years?

How do you live as if he does not exist?
He's beautiful and perfect in every way.

How could you not want to see his smile?

Do you ever wonder how hard it is on my body to lift his 95 pound body day in and day out?

Do you wonder if the journey alone ever takes an emotional toll on me?

Have you ever considered putting your own selfishness and pride aside to consider what a beautiful little boy you're missing out on?

I guess on the days I am reminded that I am parenting alone, there's tons of silly question that surface.

And although from time to time I still feel I have questions for David's father, I don't question God at all. We have an incredible life and for all the support we don't have God has given us sevenfold in other areas! So although I have raised David alone I know I was never really alone, David just didn't have his biological father

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