Friday, March 11, 2016

The comfort in his voice

My post is probably all over the place as has been my mind this week.  I am just trying to process life right now, real and in the moment. 

Today I felt so many different emotions. I was sad, angry, confused, frustrated, and anxious all bottled inside me.  My week has been emotionally draining.  First to find out that our beautiful Jessica when home to be with Jesus, then I found out my brother dodge the cancer bullet.   This week we also found out that our district is in a budget deficit and that positions will be eliminating which might impact our school, which is like a family to me, and when I thought the week was finally over I found out that I tested positive for Influenza A.  I am a big girl and am not worried about surviving the flu, but can’t bring this illness to my son who is fragile. 

This is in addition to my normal concerns about losing David, my students, my mom, my dear friend who just had to put her son on a hospice plan. My heart has still not stopped aching for the last parents I had to watch say goodbye to their child.

So many thoughts and emotions flooded my mind like a tornado.  I decided to breath and seek God.  I pulled away because I was angry, but I was unconsciously creating distance at a time that I need God the most!

I needed silence, but all around me there was so much noise.  When I listened closely I could hear the voice of God softly whispering, “it is going to be OK, the best is yet to come, you will understand one day”.  I am calmed by his presence and know that despite all the loss in our lives right now he is right there with me.  I AM NOT ALONE!  WE ARE NOT ALONE!

I'm going to praise Jesus through the storm because that's the only way I'm going to survive this! I still see Jesus in all of this. I still feel his presence as he continuously reassures me that everything is going to be OK.  

The hope in our struggles is that when you're at your most vulnerable, that is when Jesus comes to the rescue.  Struggles are when you will have some of your most intimate experiences with God, if you allow the opportunity.

No matter how much life hurts right now, I know that God will use these moments in our lives to prove to the world how real he is!  A good life is not only about having great experiences; it is about finding God in EVERY experience he blesses you with. 

I know it much easier said than done and these words are a reminder to myself... just trust and stand on his word.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

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