Sometimes it is hard not to wonder if God hears my cries.  When I finally take the time to slow down and listen he reminds me that not only does he hear me... he answers ;)

Lord You Are MORE Than Enough!!!

As get in my car to drive home from work I feel a knot welling in my throat.  The minute I start the car I can no longer contain my tears, like a faucet the tears begin streaming down my cheeks and I can help but to think to myself:

“Sometimes I don't feel strong enough, I don't feel brave enough, sometimes I just don't feel like enough!!! “

I turn on K-LOVE and begin my drive home and the first song that comes on is More Than Amazing by Lincoln Brewster

You're the One who walked on water
And You calmed the raging seas
You command the highest mountains 
To fall upon their knees
You're the One who welcomed sinners
And You opened blinded eyes
You restored the brokenhearted
And You brought the dead to life

Forgetting all our sins
You remember all Your promises

(Chorus)
You are amazing
More than amazing 
Forever our God 
You're more than enough 
You are amazing

                                                                                                                                      

I quickly realized that I don’t need to be enough because my Lord is more than enough.  In that moment God reassured me that he is and always will be more than enough!

I can’t help but to feel so defeated at times. 

Whatever it is I am going through is very uncomfortable.  I have spent my entire adult live chasing my goals and now that I have reached most of them I am struggling with what is next.  I am the type of person who has my entire life planned out.  My plans haven’t worked out too well so letting God determine what’s next is a great thing, but very distressing for me.  I feel so lost, my future seems so uncertain. 

I do realizes that sometimes being lost is the only place I can be, that allows God to find me and me find him.  I know that it has been on my knees that I have received the most healing and my life has been the most transformed.  I am at a place of complete surrender.  On my knees is where I will stay while I allow God to determine what is next for us.  

Food for thought...

heal·ing

  

adjective

1.

curing or curative; prescribed or helping to heal.

2.

growing sound; getting well; mending.

I have had people ask me how I could remain so  faithful in God when even after years of prayers and faith David still struggles with many medical challenges.  David may or may not ever walk, but maybe David's healing isn't  about David's medical condition changing. 

Through David and his "disabilities" the broken little girl inside of me has been made whole, my father who didn't believe in the same God we do found Jesus before he died, and through David's smile hundreds if not thousands of people  around the world have been inspired and encourage through watching his journey. 

So yes, David still has the same medical conditions he was born with 15 years ago. His diagnosis may never change, but just maybe his healing isn't about changing the circumstance we have been given.  What if it's choosing to  let God heal hundreds of hearts and souls with his story is what our journey is about?

Healing is not defined as  something being removed it is defined as mending or growing sound, which has definitely happened in our lives and the lives of those around us through our experiences caused by David's condition.  

On Sunday  I laid in bed all day, being lazy watching a Touched By An Angel marathon.  I couldn't help but to feel blessed that my life has been touched by a real angel... David you inspire me and enrich the lives of everyone around you! I feel honored that I've been chosen by God to be the mother of such a precious gift ;)

This past Sunday my Pastor gave a sermon about scars, their significance, and what they represent. 

He referenced John 20:20

"When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord." 

He spoke on how it was the scars that Jesus bared in his hands, feet, and side that made him identifiable to his people.  Once they were able to see the scars the people could confirm that it was indeed Jesus Christ resurrected.

My scars run deep, but they do however verify that I love a real and loving God because as my pastor stated "if you have scars you are still alive" which is the true testament of the ordeal that caused the scar in the first place. 

In September of 2006 I was given an assignment in a reflective writing class to write about a physical scar and its correspondence to an internal scar.

This was my entry:

“His little head carries many scars.  Twenty seven to be exact.  Each one represents a difficult moment in our lives.  A challenge which left emotional scars much deeper than the visual scars seen on his head.  A reminder that 27 times doctors entered his little brain and all 27 times mommy waited and prayed, cried, and prayed some more.  His scars are a constant reminder that any day could be time for 28.”

Now David's scars total 31 and I no longer see them as a reminder of what is to come, I allow them to remind us of how much we have already overcome.   I am learning to embrace our scars for they only represent dark times in our lives if I allow them too.  My God is real and David's scars are proof that miracles happen.

  

Our scars tell a story of strength, faith, hope, endurance, and a God beyond measure.  Will you allow your scars to testify the same story????

Enjoying their first date watching ~ The Odd Life of Timothy Green ~

It can be difficult watching everyone else’s children do things and have experiences you long for your child to enjoy. Today I got to feel somewhat "normal" in our own special way ;)

Check out a recent article on our story.

Helping Hands for Single Moms is a local nonprofit that provides scholarships and support to single mothers in college.  They have been very instrumental in our success.  They recently featured our story in their newsletter.

An incredible story of a mother's persistent love! 

http://conta.cc/N0FJWP

I'd be lying if I denied the fact that me being single without more kids and a complete family at 33 sometimes made me question what might possibly be wrong with me.  

I'm educated, ambitious, have standards and values, and take pride in my parenting.  I have settled in the past and now realize that despite my flaws I'm worth waiting for a man who can offer me the same.  

The lesson I am learning is.., being single is not about being rejected or not good enough, it's about God protecting me from duplicating the mistakes of my past!  

David and I deserve all that we are willing to offer and I'm at a point in my life where I'm content with waiting for just that!