The Things That Matter...

Last week was an extremely emotionally challenging week for us .  I feel like I have been attacked from every angle.  I have had to deal with some very painful emotions about events in our lives. While trying to keep my thoughts under control and my focus on God I have had to deal with people attacking my character, my phone being stolen, and several other issues. 

Frustrated and overwhelmed it has become easy for me to focus on insignificant things in my life, people who I can easily remove from our lives or items that can be replaced.  Somehow getting caught up in circumstance I forgot about what this week really represents.

You see a year ago Doctors told me that I needed to come to terms with the fact that after many years of fighting , my precious David was losing the battle for his life.  I was told that there was no possible way he could pull through.  His organs were already shutting down and my little guy was quickly deteriorating.    

I stayed at his bedside for 5 weeks praying for miracles.  All of my family, friends, and Facebook friends joined us in those prayers.   One precious day last February I leaned over and whispered in his ear and despite all odds, and the Doctors predictions, God granted us the miracle we had been diligently praying for.  DAVID RESPONDED AND OPENED HIS EYES!!!!!

That is what I will choose to focus on this week and every second I am blessed with my Dayday’s presence.   I will try everything in my power to not let circumstances or situations in life rob from me the amazing works God has already completed in our lives.   Be Blessed =)

I just got done speaking with my son's teacher and our conversation tickled me. We shared David stories and then she told me about how last week he wheeled himself over to a desk chair and transferred himself into it to sit like a big boy ;) AWWW She Also said that staff fight over working with him. *One Proud Mommy*

I am fighting a migraine, I'm tired, it is raining/snowing outside, I am sad, and I really wanted to spend my evening sitting around and pouting . I knew that would be no way to honor my dad so I decided to do the next best thing... I cooked David a four course meal ;). Believe it or not, cooking David dinner with love the same way my father cooked with love for me brought a perfect end to our night!

Missing My Daddy

Six years ago today I lost my father, my best friend! My heart still aches for him and there are still moments that I wish he was hereto reassure me that everything will be okay. I miss his cooking, his fudge, the way he made me laugh, his teasing, jokes,stories, our shopping and the way he could make the worst day feel alright.  I miss EVERYTHING about him being here. 

I appreciate the memories God gave us the opportunity to make, even though I often wish we would have had more time.  I know that there are moments and memories that we will have to experience without him, I also know that those moments might hurt due to his absence, but I truly feel blessed that God granted us the time he did. 

 They were inseparable!!!

February 20, 2013

Dear Daddy, 

I wish you could see us now, be proud that I survived college,and know that David’s smile is still impacting the world.  I will forever hold your words close to my heart, your laughter fresh in my mind, and when loosing you hurts too much to bear I will envision you smiling down on us.

Love you always and forever,

Michelle and David

David Missing his Papa at his services ;( 2007

I found a journal I used to write to my dad after hepassed.  I was breathtaking to look backat my entries and remember where we have been and how far we have come.  Below is a couple of my entries:

May 30^, 2007

Dear Dad,

I miss you sooo much! I long to hear your voice. So many exciting things are going on in mylife and not having you a phone call away is hard.  I got a few more scholarships and on the 25^thI met the First Lady.  I know you can seeit all and are so proud, but I miss sharing stories with you.  Hearing the joy in your voice and imaginingthe smile on your face. 

I just completed my training and practical’s with thePhoenix Fire Department.  I was nervous aboutgetting a code call because death is still so real for me and I know what greatpain comes with loosing someone you love. I did better than expected.  Ithurts without you, but it hurts without you. 

Keep our spots warm in heaven.  Hopefully we won’t be there for a whilebecause we have a lot of work to do yet, but I cannot wait to embrace you.  If you can please send us a sign so it doesn't hurt so much. I promise we will make you as proud as you have made us!

Love you Daddy,

Michelle

November 7, 2010

Dear Dad,

It has been way too long since I have written to you!  I guess this silly journal is a better thannothing, but it is a bitter reminder that you are no longer here.  You were supposed to fill it for David and Ibut time did not permit that.  I ammissing you so much and cannot believe how much it still hurts. 

David is so big now ;) I can barely lift him.  I’m tooscared to think about what happens when I cant lift him anymore so I just smileand do things the best I can.  That strategyis not working to well for me right now.  Many of my days end in tears nomatter how hard I fight them. 

I am currently working as an account executive (sellingtrash cans).  I guess between you and Iwe have officially sold it all now!  I amalso working on two Master degrees.  Iwill have my first one this December.  Ohhow I wish you could be there to watch me. Please send me a sign that you are with us.  David and I need you so much right now.

Love always,

Michelle 

On our way to graduation.  =) 2010

TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!

I attended church this morning knowing I needed God to fill my cup!  I have been anticipating the coming week for quite some time.  I have also tried to prepare myself for the emotional  challenges that might surface.  You see, February 20th marks six years since I lost my father/best friend and February 23rd marks the one-year anniversary of David falling ill.  My emotions are still very raw regarding the loss my father and almost losing my son.  Both events where and still are very traumatic for us.

As I sat through praise and worship I felt the presence of God.  I vividly remembered this time last year, I remembered being in one of the most desperate and broken states of my life.  I came to church and through myself at the alter.  I pleaded with God to spare my son.  It was the first time in a long time that I was not distracted and/or did not care who might be around or  watching.  I knew I needed God and that was all that mattered.  My flesh had been defeated and had nothing left in me to fight our battle alone!  In my cries God graciously heard me.  He mercifully protected both David and myself as we spent the following weeks and months enduring the fight of our lives.   Eventually we both recovered physically, emotionally, and spirituality and God continues to carry us today. 

Psalm 46:1-3

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. "Selah".”

Those experiences of loss left an ache in my heart, but God has since revealed their purpose.  God had granted me his perfect understanding and as brutal as those events were I know they were crucial to my walk.  Our journey has allowed me to grow and gain such a greater understanding of the God we serve.  

I will never forgot the doctors words “sorry mom, but there is nothing more we can do and there is no way he can make it through this one”.  I also remember my heart sinking as a million and one question raced through my head.  How can I live without him? and how could I ever survive the challenges of life without his smile to keep me going?    And then…  I remember the moment when Bridget leaned over and whispered in his ear and to everyone's surprise David opened his eyes and responded for the first time in days.  Defying all odds, shocking doctors, and sharing a miracle with everyone anxiously watching!!!!   I remember his first breath with out the machines and even though I remember the pain of the events that followed our ER visit in February of last year,  I also  will never forget all the blessing God gave us in the months that followed his recovery.  God confirmed that not only would he see us through the trials of our lives, but that he would carry us through when we needed him too.    So this week when my head tries to go to dark places I will remind myself of God’s light that saw us through and continues to shine through our story today.   

My father's absence still hurts immensely, but I know he's with the Lord.  He is in a  place where he is sitting peacefully, pain free, and smiling down on us.   As much as I miss him I know that in due time we will meet again!!!!

The thought of David getting sick again it is still very scary and surreal.  Although the events that I am reminded of this week in February are some of the most traumatic experiences in our lives,  they have also been some of the most life altering and life transforming experiences as well.  They have brought me to a place of complete surrender and then and only then where my guards down enough to allow God to move.  David did survive and God used our battle to share his VICTORY with the world! Our experience have shined through our life and honored Jesus in such a way that although there is still some pain associated with our trials, I would endure that pain a million times over to glorify our God.    

Our crisis last year and the events that followed began with a runny nose and a seizure.  I will never forget that seizure because not only was it one of the worst seizure David ever had, but it was also the last seizure David had since February 23, 2012.   David has been seizure free for almost a year, which is the longest he has gone without one since he was a year old.   

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!

Who ever it is you love today... love unconditionally, love them without fear, & give them all that you would love in return.

Today is about loving your significant others. Although, my significant other may not be my partner, there is no doubt that he is the best thing that ever happened to me!!!

Mommy loves you David! You are my Angel.

Let God's love shine through you today. Happy Valentine's Day friends!

Happy Valentines Day

Tomorrow my baby boy will be getting a special delivery at school! The card attached reads... To the Love of my life: Thank you for making me the proudest mommy in the world! Please share with your friends.  

   

You will never know how capable of loving your are until you have a child.  Your heart changes!!!!