Now to figure out how to pack two dozen boxes of colored pencils, two dozen packs of markers, over 50 boxes of crayons,  a dozen baby rattles, erasers, pencil sharpener's, pencils, three dozen socks, cars, baby dolls, team David Bands, and all the letters from my students in one suitcase!  I can't wait to deliver these goodies to the orphans in Honduras!!!!  Thanks again to all my faithful friends who support all of my endeavors.  It looks like Christmas in March.  ;). I plan to deliver far more than school supplies to these kiddos, I want to bring them the love of Jesus!!!!

For the things I am yet to have…

For the mother I do not have, God has given me an exceptional spiritual mother. For the local family support system I do not have, God has given me a church family that has superseded my expectations.  For the sisters I never had the opportunity to grow up with, God gave me amazing friends and an amazing sister-in-law.

For the additional children I'd like to have God gave me a classroom full of them, a church full of them, a world full of them, and beautiful nieces and nephews to share my love with. For the father David has not had the opportunity to have,  God has given us amazing men for him to look up to. 

So what if the white picket fence I have always dreamed of, in all reality is a chain-link fence that keep the children I love at school safe and educated? What if the hero I have been waiting for to save me, showed up 17 years ago in the form of an innocent child who would teach me to love,  and show me how to be courageous and brave.  Just what if…  the night in shining armor I've been waiting for has already come in the form of the best soul mate a girl could ask for, a savior that would die for my sins.  

What if we are wasting so much time focusing on the things we are yet to have that we are not allowing ourselves to enjoy the things God has already given us????

God allows us to paint our own pictures and then when we are ready he comes in and makes those pictures masterpieces. 

 

Food for thought!

In six days Christina Carmel, Iris, & I Will be boarding a plane  to Honduras.  I'm so excited for the opportunity to spend time in an orphanage loving on little ones with no family!  I have been told that school supplies are a hot commodity out there.  A luxury  most children can't afford.  My goal is to be able to bring a suitcase full of  school supplies to share with all the children at the orphanage. If anyone is interested in contributing  we are still in need of pencils, colored pencils, crayons, coloring books, and other various school supplies.  I will be collecting supplies for the next 5 days so please let me know if you would like to be part of providing these gifts to these precious little ones.

It's been so crazy watching my one and only little one grow up! The other day I caught myself getting so excited that he had a boo-boo that mommy could tend to. I cleaned it up , put Neosporin on it, and then finish the job with a Captain America Band-Aid.  It was humbling to have the opportunity to that  nurture him and I enjoyed the fact  that he still needs me for things.  I see how our relationship is changing and I know I need to start figuring out how I'm going to take care of and be the mother of a little man.  I'm still trying to figure things out but I sure do treasure those moments where I can baby him. Do all parents have to go to this?

Let’s be real…

With all my friends having big moments here lately I feel like I've been lost, wondering what's next for David and I.  I wonder when we will have the opportunity to live our own dreams, instead of being happy for those around us. I am extremely happy for those that I love, but I must be honest with myself and there is a part of me that feels like we are being left behind.   When I use to imagine my life, never did I think that at 34 I would be single with only one child?  My plan was to have been rescued by a knight in shining armor, have 10+ little ones running around the house, and a white picket fence to top the cake. 

I often wonder if I have become complacent.  I wonder if David and I will ever get to live our own dreams out or if our excitement will be watching everybody else live them.  I have tried to transfer my undying faith in God to my thoughts in this area of my life, as it has gotten us through every other challenge we have endured, but often my demons convince me that still being alone is a reflection of my value.  As those thoughts start to consume me I am quickly reminded that the devil is a LIAR.    

Subtly God allows me to reflect on our journey from another perspective.  Although, I am unmarried with only one child I have been entrusted with an angel.  I am educated, ambitious, and God has granted me the strength to achieve things in my lifetime that most people do not have the opportunity to do in 60 years, with a partner, and/or healthy children. 

With everything in perspective I begin to reflect on our journey through God’s eyes.  I quickly realize that although I might not yet be where I planned to be at this point in my life, I am a lot further along than I often give myself credit for. 

Looking back at my blog post from only two years ago I immediately become humbled by all the work God has continued to do in our lives.    As I read through the post I remember my desperate pleas for prayers, hoping my son would wake up and take a breath on his own.  I remember my intimate conversations with God promising that I would go without anything for the rest of my life, just to have that one thing that matters,   my precious son alive and well.   Sometimes God's plans for us are much different than our own, but that just means God has bigger and better plans.  Looking back I thank God for all of the answered and unanswered prayers.  I understand why things I prayed to work out did not and I know that Gods purpose for us is bigger than I can even imagine. 

One thing that I KNOW…  wedding or no wedding, babies or no babies, financially prosperous or broke, God is alive in me and our lives are a testament of his grace and mercy.   I will continue to patiently wait for God’s plan for us to be fulfilled because even if his timing is different than my own, his power and plans are worth the wait!!!!!