Spain was a very scary and surreal experience. After 16 hours of travel I checked into our
hostel and then jump in a taxi to the women's prison. Somehow the
paperwork was incorrect which caused a delay in our planned visit. I ended up having to sit in the waiting area
for almost two hours while they straightened things out. I was so exhausted from my travels that I
took the clothes I had brought for my mother and used them as a pillow to took
a nap on the floor of the prison waiting room.
I'm generally pretty good with my Spanish, but I was
exhausted from my travels, anxious, and extremely emotional which made
understanding and/or communicate with the prison guards near impossible. Once I was finally cleared for the visit I
was escorted through the prison to the visiting center. The walk seemed like miles, although it
really was not that far. The men’s
prison is only separated from the women’s prison by a block wall so as I
anxiously walked to see my mom all I could hear where male prisoners yelling
out demeaning comments and making cat calls, which only intensified my
anxiety. After making it through several security check
points I was brought into a small room
with a plastic table, four plastic chairs, and prisoner art work displayed on
the walls. I sat at the doorway
anxiously waiting to see my mother for what felt like eternity, but then I was
comforted by the sound of her voice. At
that point excitement and my emotions took over. I could hear her speaking her broken Spanish
as she was searched and then cleared through security. As she walked through the doors neither of us
could speak, we ran into each other’s arms and sat in the hallway embracing
each other while sharing tears for at least five minutes before either of us
could get any words out.
Never in my life has a hug from my mother felt that
good! I wasn't sure what she would look
like. I had been imaging our visits for a couple of months and had anticipated
several potential outcomes. What would
my mother look like after spending 6 months in an international prison? had the
cancer taken a toll on her, would she be consumed with sadness, or look very
sickly? I was pleasantly surprised by
her appearance, she looked much better than I had anticipated. She had lost
tons of weight and for the first time in many years, she had a genuine smile on her face! She wasn't just okay she was great!
As our visits continued I realized how much God was working
through what looked and felt like a tragedy in our lives. The truth be told, had my mom not gone to
prison she would've probably never become the mother I needed her to be and had
she not gotten cancer, I would've never been willing or able to forgive her and
embrace the idea of a relationship between us.
For the first time since I had found out that my mother had
landed herself in prison in Spain, I was able to see God in the midst of the
entire situation. Prior to prison my mom
was slowly killing herself and the stress of trying to make her aware of what
she was doing to herself was taking a toll on our relationship and me.
Now that my mom is in prison everything she does is
regulated. All the demons she had
battled for decades were locked out by prison walls. She is no longer able to establish unhealthy relationships online, she
no longer has access to foods that she
was addicted that were slowly killing
her, she is not able to isolate herself, and all the distractions like the
computer and TV that have kept her from drawing closer to God are no longer a
factor. All the things she used to cope
with her lifetime of pain have been removed so that now the only thing she can
rely on to fix her broken heart is Jesus.
The truth is never, in my life have I seen my mom so
healthy, emotionally, spiritually, and
physically. She has lost almost 50lbs,
her blood sugar is not under control, and her perspective on life has
drastically changed. The doctors think
that the cancer had been there for at least several months. Had she been diagnosed with cancer in the
states her treatment would've cost her thousands of dollars she didn't
have. In addition to the financial
aspect my mother was a no condition to
survive cancer or surgery in her state of health. Ironically, in many ways been in prison-ed
has saved my mom's life. Most likely my
mom went to Spain with cancer that had not yet been diagnosed. Although she still is struggling with some
medical issues she is 50 pounds lighter, has discovered her value, and found
her drive to fight for life.
Not only has his experience changed my mother but it is also
changed my own outlook. I know the word of God says that he who started a good work will be faithful to
complete it, but I guess I had lost hope in my mother. God has once again proved that this is true,
not just in my own life, but also for those that I love.
“ And I am sure of this, that he who began ha good work in
you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6. 6)
Sometimes I feel like life has crucified me time and time
again. I have often questioned God on
why I have personally experienced so much tragedy and trauma in my life. Most of it has been out of my control and
those who know me intimately know how hard my life has been to endure and what
a toll it has taken on me at times, but at the end of the day my life proves
how real God is. It's hard to see what
good could come from our Lord and Savior, a pure and innocent man, being
subjected to such pain and torcher. But
as the story unfolds you are able to understand that Jesus being crucified was
what had to happen for this world to be saved!
When I reflect back on my own life and the moments I felt like I was
being “crucified” for no fault of my own, I realize that even Jesus (a sin free
man) had to be crucified for our
salvation. I am not trying to compare
myself to Jesus, yet compare the idea that it is hard to gain an understanding
of situations and/or circumstance that seem traumatic, unfair, and painful
until the full story unfolds.
With God his crucifixion lasted one day, but the power of
focus on his story is in his resurrection which will last for eternity! Every time my journey hits trial and tragedy
God never fails to resurrect something new within me. This time he resurrected compassion and
understanding for the one person I have struggle my whole life to relate to, my
mother. He also resurrected an
understanding from the core of my soul that he is the great I AM and with him I
am able to find value in myself to know that as my story unfolds I will
discover his purpose for me and the calling he has placed on my life. I have found faith within myself to know
without any doubt that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me!
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me
strength.” (Philippians 4:13)
I would like to extend my sincere appreciation for everyone
who showed me
compassion and support through this extremely difficult time
for our family. Just know that my mom is
doing amazing, she's finally able to get healthy in every aspect of her life
and I know that God will continue to do a great work in her. My mother has found great favor in the
prison, everyone including the inmates take very good care of her, despite a
few complications and all odds her surgery was a success, and she is on her way
to a full recovery. She is also leading
a Bible study in the prison and being used by God to bring women to Christ, and
most importantly she has finally found the ability to love herself!
I guess this whole experience is just another one of God's
beautiful disasters!
