Miracles Happen... and David is Proof!!! David's story is about a Heroic little boy who has managed to inspire the world with his strength, courage, and smile. His journey can remind us all to remain faithful, hopeful, believe, and Smile! I share our journey openly. It is real, raw, and uncut, and although I share our faith, miracles, and blessing, I also honestly share the ugly truth about what parenting a child with special needs sometimes entails.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Come on Pappa your Dayday needs you right now!
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| We need you right now Daddy =( You and David have always been the only ones whose smiles could make me smile through anything! |
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| 24/7 HOPE Heaven Opening Peoples Eyes |
Today is going to be a good day...a day filled with rest, praise, healing, & hopefully our Dayday's smiles!
I got a half smile this morning even with the vent in! He also opened his eyes and left them open for the longest they have been open yet =)
I truly believe that one day God will give us all a perfect
understanding of when, where, why, and
how things happen. Until then, we just need to cling to him for strength to endure
the journey. It has
been comforting to know that when I'm too weak to even do that, I have people
like you all willing to do it for me =) Thanks
again everyone! Right now you are all my little Angels, warriors fighting a
battle he is to weak to fight alone! May God bless you all in so many
ways!!!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Lord I trust you with my whole heart and I will continue to praise you but... Life really hurts right now!
David's SATs & blood pressure are dropping. They are increasing the pressure on the ventilator but his rates are still dropping. Pray, Pray, Pray! We were hoping to have him breathing on his own tomorrow! ;(
I have been playing praise music in David's room all day. It might seem crazy but the lower his rates got and the louder his alarms went off, the louder I sang and praised God!!!!
We will not be defeated! David is now receiving more oxygen(80%) and needing more pressure from the ventilator, the X-ray's show some more fluid on his left side of David's lungs but, everything is finally under control and David is now resting again!
03/03/12 ~ 3:00am
Just got done with David's Intermittent Positive Pressure Ventilation (IPPV) treatment. It's awful I have to lay on top of him & try & keep him calm while the respirory therapist pulls secretions from his lungs. No fun, but it will make him better so I'll be up in 4 more hours to do it again.
His Contagious Giggles ~ David Laughing his way threw an IV
This was David 2 weeks ago, when he was admitted into the hospital for a stomach virus. The nurses were giving him an IV and he laughed his way through it like the champ that he is! It is actually during his hospital stay for his stomach virus that we think he caught the respiratory virus he is fighting now.
God is moving and that is all that matters!!!!
I am starting to realize that this whole situation is more about God and him moving in peoples lives than it is about David or I. People who don’t pray are praying, people who don’t believe in Miracles believe for David, the love and support brought on by this horrible situation has been amazing and uplifting.
I have had numerous people tell me how strong and inspiring I or we are but, I don’t feel too inspiring or strong right now. I am just trusting God and going along for the ride. Matter of fact I cried this morning because their was not enough maple glaze on my donut. How strong or inspiring is that????? Lol
Too bad David does not like popsicles or I would bribe him with one to wake up ;)
I got this email the other day and it touched me so I wanted to share...
Hi, you don't know me but I feel I know you and your amazing son through your blog. I have a daughter with a cyst in her brain. It is not the extent of what your strength is challenged but it is tough and scary seeing your child go through changes unexplained and the Dr's not always talking. Your courage and support as a mother is truly amazing and shows love is very strong and healing. I am truly sorry what you and your family are facing. However your Dayday is an inspiration of strength,love, and a gift of being unconditional. Our family is praying for you. We wish you a healing heart to be strong for your son. May your love heal him and bring his truly contagious smile once again to his handsome face. Can we send your son a card? My daughter would like to send him a picture she drew. She hopes he wakes up because she thinks he should get a popsicles for being good getting blood drawn. ( she is only 7) many trips to children's in Oakland.
Power or love to Dayday!
Oh and Kimberley please tell that little princess of yours that I am sure a picture from her will make David and his mommy smile!
Hi, you don't know me but I feel I know you and your amazing son through your blog. I have a daughter with a cyst in her brain. It is not the extent of what your strength is challenged but it is tough and scary seeing your child go through changes unexplained and the Dr's not always talking. Your courage and support as a mother is truly amazing and shows love is very strong and healing. I am truly sorry what you and your family are facing. However your Dayday is an inspiration of strength,love, and a gift of being unconditional. Our family is praying for you. We wish you a healing heart to be strong for your son. May your love heal him and bring his truly contagious smile once again to his handsome face. Can we send your son a card? My daughter would like to send him a picture she drew. She hopes he wakes up because she thinks he should get a popsicles for being good getting blood drawn. ( she is only 7) many trips to children's in Oakland.
Power or love to Dayday!
Oh and Kimberley please tell that little princess of yours that I am sure a picture from her will make David and his mommy smile!
Results Are In...
The Infectious Disease Doctor just came in and told us that the results of David's cultures determined that David has Human Metta Pheueo Virus (HMPV). It is a virus very similar to RSV. For most kiddos it would cause a runny nose, cough, and congestion but for children like David it can be deadly.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Thank you all for helping me find my SMILE again!
Today has just been one of those days!!!! My emotions have been getting the best of me
and I have had not strength to SMILE my way through this one today. As I sat in the corner of the Hospital room,
crying and feeling sorry for myself I had a few visitors stop by. A Staff member from my school came and
brought us over a dozen letters from all of my students wishing for David to
get better. Then I had a couple of staff members from David’s
school bring him a card and his favorite toy.
Before I had time to even realize it I had found my SMILE again!
I can't seem to find my smile today... Maybe it is because I haven't been able to see his for a week now!
One week ago today I brought my son to the ER for a runny
nose and a cough and today I sit by his bedside waiting for him to blink, move,
moan, breath….
I can not begin to describe how more desperate and helpless
I feel with every passing day.
When the Doctor first told me that David would probably not
make it through the night I began to weep.
In an effort to console me the Doctor said that even if David did make
it through the night we could still loose him from his illness weeks down the
road. Even then he said “if he does survive it is going to be a long journey
and the hospital stay could extend to weeks or even months”. I then grabbed both his shoulders and said
keep him in the hospital for months, a year if you have to, I don’t care just
KEEP HIM ALIVE!
David has been slowly getting better but he is still
considered in “Critical Condition”. I am
praying that God give him new lungs, and soon.
He is no longer in need of High Frequency Oscillatory Ventilation but he
does still remain on a ventilator. He
has opened his eyes a couple of times now almost as if to “say mommy I am with
God right now and I am going to be OK” but the selfish mother in me wants to be
with me, restored, and back to his normal bubbly self. I know God is working a miracle and while
David is healing he is using David and his journey to prove too many people how
REAL and CAPABLE God really is but, my heart still breaks as David’s
mother. People say to take things one day
at a time and at this point we are taking things one breath at a time (literally). Please keep praying!!!! We still need a miracle and strength to keep
fighting this battle!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Today's emotions: Broken and Desperate...
Desperate for him to wake up, smile, breath on his own! I just want my Daday back and this pain in my heart to go away! Please God I know your listening and if things aren't going to change for the time being, please bring us comfort and peace :(
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
This journey has come with a world wind of emotions which can change from moment to moment.
I like to say that in Crisis I become “situational Bipolar”. As a human I can not always control how I feel about things. It seems as if I have experienced a million emotions this past week. I have felt sad, angry, frustrated, desperate, faithful, hopeful, hopeless, thankful, helpless, inspirational, brave, cowardly, and that is just to name a few. Today I have been overcome with pain and anger. Not angry at God because I do trust he is in control just disappointed with life and the pain that comes with it.
In Mommies Arms Again
I was able to hold David for the first time since Thursday ;) The Hospital staff has been Amazing. They were explaining to us that they were going to give him a sponge bath and change his linens. I asked how they were going to do that with David in the bed and the nurses explained to me that their plans was to roll him from one side of the bed to the other. I tried to stay composed but as the tears ran down my cheeks I asked “can I hold him while you change his bedding?” “I just need him in my arms I explained and I haven’t been able to hold my child since Thursday”. The nurse was hesitant, she told me that she had never allowed a parent to hold a child while he/she was ventilated before but she was willing to try it if she could get the other staff willing to help. She probably felt sorry for me or felt my desperation but, she pulled it off. (we bribed them with candy!) Five staff member stopped what they were doing and came in to help me hold my beautiful little boy. I knew and they knew that they were doing it more for mommies heart than anything else but those three minutes provided me a lot of healing.
Monday, February 27, 2012
David is Proof That Miracles Still Exist! God is Real!!!!
02/25/12
David is now on 100% life support. Last night a doctor who has treated him since he was a child was called in to come speak to me. We talked about David's contagious giggles, his amazing spirits, & how much he had grown. Then he gently put his hand and my knee & said "mom his lungs are in bad shape, I know he is a fighter but you must be prepared that there is a high chance he won't make it through this". My heart sank & I began to cry uncontrollably explaing to the doctor why I needed David & why he couldn't leave me! Life without David is unimaginable for me! I need his smile, his pure, spirit, his unconditional love...we all do! If David continues to get worse the doctors have already informed us that there is not much more they can do for him, which is fine because I know my God can handle the rest! Family and friends I need EVERYONE praying for a miracle please repost this have your friends pray, have their friends pray, there is power in numbers & I can't loose my Dayday nor can this world afford to loose this little Angel either!
02/27/12
So over the last few days I have had many conversations with God: I have been on my knees, pleaded, cried out, even bartered begging that God would spare my son’s life. I promised to never again complain about how heavy David had gotten, about changing his diapers, and I even agreed to let him throw all of my favorite shoes in the toilet just for him to survive this. I have spent the last few days being the most lost and broken I can ever remember being. I could not imagine life with out my Angel and although, many people think I have been David’s rock the truth is that he has been mine! After hours upon hours of negative reports, and the doctors telling me that my son probably won’t make it through this, I petitioned all of YOU! I was desperate and although I knew God could hear me alone, I also knew that having all of our FB family in friends, including Arizona, California, Texas, Washington, and basically half the world praying would just make the need for an immediate miracle heard load and clear. Many strangers have reached out to us, people who don’t even pray have stopped to stay a prayer for David and I, and I am happy to announce that despite what doctors said our God had different plans! You all have been part of a MIRICALE! I am excited to share with you that last night David opened his eyes for the first time, he sat up, and he has been moved back down to the smaller ventilator! Words can not express how very much your prayers, love, support, and words of encouragement has meant to my family during this very discouraging time. Please know that your voices and prayers are so very powerful and you have made a very important difference to a very special little boy and his heartbroken mommy!
David is now on 100% life support. Last night a doctor who has treated him since he was a child was called in to come speak to me. We talked about David's contagious giggles, his amazing spirits, & how much he had grown. Then he gently put his hand and my knee & said "mom his lungs are in bad shape, I know he is a fighter but you must be prepared that there is a high chance he won't make it through this". My heart sank & I began to cry uncontrollably explaing to the doctor why I needed David & why he couldn't leave me! Life without David is unimaginable for me! I need his smile, his pure, spirit, his unconditional love...we all do! If David continues to get worse the doctors have already informed us that there is not much more they can do for him, which is fine because I know my God can handle the rest! Family and friends I need EVERYONE praying for a miracle please repost this have your friends pray, have their friends pray, there is power in numbers & I can't loose my Dayday nor can this world afford to loose this little Angel either!
02/27/12
So over the last few days I have had many conversations with God: I have been on my knees, pleaded, cried out, even bartered begging that God would spare my son’s life. I promised to never again complain about how heavy David had gotten, about changing his diapers, and I even agreed to let him throw all of my favorite shoes in the toilet just for him to survive this. I have spent the last few days being the most lost and broken I can ever remember being. I could not imagine life with out my Angel and although, many people think I have been David’s rock the truth is that he has been mine! After hours upon hours of negative reports, and the doctors telling me that my son probably won’t make it through this, I petitioned all of YOU! I was desperate and although I knew God could hear me alone, I also knew that having all of our FB family in friends, including Arizona, California, Texas, Washington, and basically half the world praying would just make the need for an immediate miracle heard load and clear. Many strangers have reached out to us, people who don’t even pray have stopped to stay a prayer for David and I, and I am happy to announce that despite what doctors said our God had different plans! You all have been part of a MIRICALE! I am excited to share with you that last night David opened his eyes for the first time, he sat up, and he has been moved back down to the smaller ventilator! Words can not express how very much your prayers, love, support, and words of encouragement has meant to my family during this very discouraging time. Please know that your voices and prayers are so very powerful and you have made a very important difference to a very special little boy and his heartbroken mommy!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Our Latest Adventures & Hospital Stays
02/16/12
What started as a trip to the doctor became quite an adventure! Praise God we are home and mommy is very excited to shower, change, brush my teeth, eat real food, and sleep in my own bed tonight =) David is doing great and as for now no surgery =) Thanks for all the prayers and warm wishes!!!
02/20/12
5 years ago today I lost my best friend and the most important man in my life. As the years have past it has gotten easier but today I can remember that phone call like it was yesterday. I hope you’re a peace now daddy, I hope your watching us, and I hope I have made you proud! I would do anything to feel your embrace again or even just to hear you curse me out ;( Just know you are dearly missed today and everyday. David and I love and miss you so very much!!!
02/23/12
What started as a trip to the doctor became quite an adventure! Praise God we are home and mommy is very excited to shower, change, brush my teeth, eat real food, and sleep in my own bed tonight =) David is doing great and as for now no surgery =) Thanks for all the prayers and warm wishes!!!
While checking David's vitals he started seizing! He seized for almost an hour ;( He seized so bad he bit his younger & lip & blew all the blood vessels in his eyes. He has a 105.8 fever which they are desperately trying to get down and he is not moving the left side of his body. Please say a prayer for us mommy is falling to pieces! We are getting a CT now then we are headed to ICU...I will keep everyone posted.
His seizure has subside & David is now resting peacefully :). Now that it is over mommy can go melt down in a corner somewhere!
02/24/25
It is torture watching my son suffer. I wish I could take his place…but I can’t I am stuck watching helplessly by his side. He is heavily sedated, he still can not breathe on his own and when he is moved he becomes very agitated and moans. The only thing that seems to calmed him is me gently rubbing his forehead. The doctors still can not tell me what if any damage the hour long seizure and the 105.8 fever might have had on him so, for now we pray and wait for him to wake up and see how he responds. My brother is taking over David duty while I am off to work. I already missed most of last week and don’t have enough time accumulated to miss again so I am saving my sick days in case things get worse. (Which I hope and pray that they don’t). Wish me luck I am on 2 hours of sleep, an emotional wreck, and I can’t seem to stop crying =( JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!!!!
Thanks for all the prayers, love, & support! it really does help keep us strong in moments like this! it looks like it might have possibly been pneumonia that triggered the fever, which triggered the seizure, which caused his fever to go even higher. We are still waiting on test results & for David to open his eyes & respond :(
I'm scared, growing weary, & feeling very helpless right now. I just want to see my Daydays smile! The harder this gets the more I miss my dad ;( but then my big brother calls me & comforts me with his faith & words of wisdom! I feel peace right now & I know this storm to will pass...I just pray it passes soon!
02/25/12
Today's Update: doctors cannot explain why David's lung are getting worse but they are. They have had to sedate him because he is fighting the machines. He is in a Bi-pap but they will be ventilating him in the next hour. He is slowly getting food from an NG tube in his nose and they are trying to get a PIC line started. Once he settled they will be doing a Spinal Tap. Still answers no answers; everything is still a mystery at this time so I'm leaving it all in God's hands!
I am so tired and so scared right now and the only strength I can rely on is God's! I just asked the doctor for a prognosis and he told me that all we can do is wait things out. I'm not a patient person! I hate waiting so I ask well can you just tell me he is going to be ok his response was "I can't tell you that people can die from pneumonia but many people do recover, we just don't know". Not the answer I was looking for :(
I'm scared, growing weary, & feeling very helpless right now. I just want to see my Daydays smile! The harder this gets the more I miss my dad ;( but then my big brother calls me & comforts me with his faith & words of wisdom! I feel peace right now & I know this storm to will pass...I just pray it passes soon!
There have been doctors & specialist in & out of our room all day. They have given David Plasma, put him on a feeding tube, all kinds of meds, and a ventilator & yet he is not getting better? I have been trying to figure out what's going on but I feel like the doctors are just as confused as I am & keep going in circles. They just started paging the docs & respiratory to our room STAT so I asked the nurse what was going on. Again I got a fluffy answer, so I looked at him in his eye's and said "look I have been doing this for 15 years, this little boy is my world & I need the truth about his current condition" after hesitating for a moment as if he were looking for gentle words to say what he was about to say he then told me... your son is in Critical Condition... he is getting worse every hour and we are just trying to figure out what else to do for him. My heart is sooo broken right now! the pain & fear is unbearable! Please God don't take him from me, I NEED HIM...THIS WORLD NEEDS HIM!
What started as a trip to the doctor became quite an adventure! Praise God we are home and mommy is very excited to shower, change, brush my teeth, eat real food, and sleep in my own bed tonight =) David is doing great and as for now no surgery =) Thanks for all the prayers and warm wishes!!!
02/20/12
5 years ago today I lost my best friend and the most important man in my life. As the years have past it has gotten easier but today I can remember that phone call like it was yesterday. I hope you’re a peace now daddy, I hope your watching us, and I hope I have made you proud! I would do anything to feel your embrace again or even just to hear you curse me out ;( Just know you are dearly missed today and everyday. David and I love and miss you so very much!!!
02/23/12
What started as a trip to the doctor became quite an adventure! Praise God we are home and mommy is very excited to shower, change, brush my teeth, eat real food, and sleep in my own bed tonight =) David is doing great and as for now no surgery =) Thanks for all the prayers and warm wishes!!!
While checking David's vitals he started seizing! He seized for almost an hour ;( He seized so bad he bit his younger & lip & blew all the blood vessels in his eyes. He has a 105.8 fever which they are desperately trying to get down and he is not moving the left side of his body. Please say a prayer for us mommy is falling to pieces! We are getting a CT now then we are headed to ICU...I will keep everyone posted.
His seizure has subside & David is now resting peacefully :). Now that it is over mommy can go melt down in a corner somewhere!
02/24/25
It is torture watching my son suffer. I wish I could take his place…but I can’t I am stuck watching helplessly by his side. He is heavily sedated, he still can not breathe on his own and when he is moved he becomes very agitated and moans. The only thing that seems to calmed him is me gently rubbing his forehead. The doctors still can not tell me what if any damage the hour long seizure and the 105.8 fever might have had on him so, for now we pray and wait for him to wake up and see how he responds. My brother is taking over David duty while I am off to work. I already missed most of last week and don’t have enough time accumulated to miss again so I am saving my sick days in case things get worse. (Which I hope and pray that they don’t). Wish me luck I am on 2 hours of sleep, an emotional wreck, and I can’t seem to stop crying =( JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!!!!
Thanks for all the prayers, love, & support! it really does help keep us strong in moments like this! it looks like it might have possibly been pneumonia that triggered the fever, which triggered the seizure, which caused his fever to go even higher. We are still waiting on test results & for David to open his eyes & respond :(
I'm scared, growing weary, & feeling very helpless right now. I just want to see my Daydays smile! The harder this gets the more I miss my dad ;( but then my big brother calls me & comforts me with his faith & words of wisdom! I feel peace right now & I know this storm to will pass...I just pray it passes soon!
02/25/12
Today's Update: doctors cannot explain why David's lung are getting worse but they are. They have had to sedate him because he is fighting the machines. He is in a Bi-pap but they will be ventilating him in the next hour. He is slowly getting food from an NG tube in his nose and they are trying to get a PIC line started. Once he settled they will be doing a Spinal Tap. Still answers no answers; everything is still a mystery at this time so I'm leaving it all in God's hands!
I am so tired and so scared right now and the only strength I can rely on is God's! I just asked the doctor for a prognosis and he told me that all we can do is wait things out. I'm not a patient person! I hate waiting so I ask well can you just tell me he is going to be ok his response was "I can't tell you that people can die from pneumonia but many people do recover, we just don't know". Not the answer I was looking for :(
I'm scared, growing weary, & feeling very helpless right now. I just want to see my Daydays smile! The harder this gets the more I miss my dad ;( but then my big brother calls me & comforts me with his faith & words of wisdom! I feel peace right now & I know this storm to will pass...I just pray it passes soon!
There have been doctors & specialist in & out of our room all day. They have given David Plasma, put him on a feeding tube, all kinds of meds, and a ventilator & yet he is not getting better? I have been trying to figure out what's going on but I feel like the doctors are just as confused as I am & keep going in circles. They just started paging the docs & respiratory to our room STAT so I asked the nurse what was going on. Again I got a fluffy answer, so I looked at him in his eye's and said "look I have been doing this for 15 years, this little boy is my world & I need the truth about his current condition" after hesitating for a moment as if he were looking for gentle words to say what he was about to say he then told me... your son is in Critical Condition... he is getting worse every hour and we are just trying to figure out what else to do for him. My heart is sooo broken right now! the pain & fear is unbearable! Please God don't take him from me, I NEED HIM...THIS WORLD NEEDS HIM!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Graduation #4
People keep asking me how many times I am going to graduate and unless I decide to get my PhD (which won’t be for a long while) I am done. In 10 days I will get my second Master’s and finally begin my career. No homework, test, rigorous schedules, no more sacrifices for David and I, just a regular job were I check in at 7am and out at 3:30, working with children and hopefully impacting their lives. As excited as I am, these times always come with dreadful emotions. I miss and think of my father everyday but on moments like this I am reminded that he can only look down on me from above. I can not hear his voice, see his expressions, or enjoy his embrace and if I could have only one wish granted for my graduation that is what it would be. One more day with him!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The good, the bad, & the ugly!
Last week I completed the last classes for my second Master’s degree. Now I am preparing myself for what’s to come. I have avoided blog updates only because I have been extremely busy and by the time I make myself slow down it is because I am having a melt down. I don’t want all of my blog entries to seem negative and since I have been in a very dark place emotionally I have avoided entries all together. The truth is this is life, ups, downs, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
David has grown so much in the last few years and for that I am very grateful but his growth has forced me to face some scary realities, like how I will care for him and what happens if we loose our services and resources.
The Division of Developmental Disabilities (DDD) is currently trying to reduce his services hours (in half). I am trying to be proactive in this matter but I am getting conflicting information which is making it difficult. I am not trying to be challenging but the truth is I am being forced to face some issues concerning David’s care that are very scary for me. He is already too heavy for me to lift alone, and having taken care of a “baby” for 14 years has been extremely challenging. I can not predict his need for brain surgeries, his seizures, or his respiratory issues. Doctors do not know how much bigger he will grow physically and don’t expect him to develop much more cognitively. I am doing everything in my power to provide David with the life he deserves but we desperately need the services that DDD is trying to take away from us.
I am David’s arms, his legs, his eyes, his voice, and his translator. It is my job as his mother to advocate for him but this is no easy task when I am working with a system much stronger and greater than myself. A system that is supposed to be on our team. I am tired, weary, and don’t feel like I have any fight left in me, but at this point not fighting is not an option. If David looses his services it is very possible caring for him on my own will become too difficult.
I am a strong, independent, educated woman, but I am still human and fear is sinking in!
David has grown so much in the last few years and for that I am very grateful but his growth has forced me to face some scary realities, like how I will care for him and what happens if we loose our services and resources.
The Division of Developmental Disabilities (DDD) is currently trying to reduce his services hours (in half). I am trying to be proactive in this matter but I am getting conflicting information which is making it difficult. I am not trying to be challenging but the truth is I am being forced to face some issues concerning David’s care that are very scary for me. He is already too heavy for me to lift alone, and having taken care of a “baby” for 14 years has been extremely challenging. I can not predict his need for brain surgeries, his seizures, or his respiratory issues. Doctors do not know how much bigger he will grow physically and don’t expect him to develop much more cognitively. I am doing everything in my power to provide David with the life he deserves but we desperately need the services that DDD is trying to take away from us.
I am David’s arms, his legs, his eyes, his voice, and his translator. It is my job as his mother to advocate for him but this is no easy task when I am working with a system much stronger and greater than myself. A system that is supposed to be on our team. I am tired, weary, and don’t feel like I have any fight left in me, but at this point not fighting is not an option. If David looses his services it is very possible caring for him on my own will become too difficult.
I am a strong, independent, educated woman, but I am still human and fear is sinking in!
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