Lord Please carry me through...

Today is a New Day…  I will stand as tall as I can stand, for as long as I can stand, and when I can stand no longer… That is when I will throw myself in his arms because it is then that I will need him to carry me through the rest!

I feel like the stronger I stand, the harder Satan attacks me! For the last 2 weeks I have faithfully held my ground, but today I'm ready to throw in the towel!!! I don't have any fight left in me, I'm weak, weary, and the weight on my shoulders is far to heavy for me to bear much longer :(. 


 Lord I know you have sent me plenty of signs that you are their, you have sent me hundreds if not thousands of people to pray & support us, and as grateful as I am, today that doesn't feel like enough to keep me going. How much longer can I, we, David, endure before we break?


There is no inspiring the world tonight! Heck, I can't even inspire myself right now... This "strong mamma" has lost her cape & maybe even her mind!


If any of you could find a moment please say pray for me... I'm feeling very broken & angry... I feel like I'm at war with Satan & my energy to continue on in this battle is dwindling quickly! Thanks friends

To all of our faithful friends/followers:

In the last couple of weeks I have experienced a world wind of emotions. Some of those have been very painful & hard to deal with! The human in me, has wanted to crumble on many occasions, but it is the love & kindness of family, friends, colleagues, & even perfect strangers who have kept me encouraged & lifted up in prayer. It is through that kindness that I have been able to feel God’s warm embrace, even in the midst of the storm! Words alone can not thank you enough, but know that I am so eternally grateful and will when given the opportunity "pay it forward". 

God calls us together as a body of Christ to collectively meet the needs of His people.  We are to be the hands and feet of Christ.  My friends you have allowed me to feel Jesus all over me during a time of distress and despair.  I have been on this journey with David for a long time and I can honestly say, never have I felt more loved, embraced, supported, and encouraged than I have in the last month.  May God richly bless you all!

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'  "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”   Matthew 25: 35-40

“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"… To our family you have all been our world =)

David has been on room air all morning.

Translation: David is breathing on his own without oxygen or the help of any machines, for the first time since February 23!   =)

When I forget that “he will not leave me nor forsake me”, Jesus does not get offended he just proves it!

I have been so busy worrying about David’s health that I have not been able to think about or process anything else. 

Just a couple of days ago I realized that since I just started working in January, I have only accrued one sick day.  I have already been absent for almost 3weeks now.  My school has been AMAZINGLY supportive and understanding with the entire situation but unfortunately next payday I will not be receiving a pay check.  

The reality has begun to sink in that even though David and Mommies world has somewhat come to a halt, the rest of the world continues on, bills are still due.  The thought of how I am going to pay my mortgage and cover my bills has been extremely overwhelming for me.  I have had to just trust God to provide because that’s all I can do right now, but to be honest the more the bills pile up, the more I worry how God plans on  providing. 

I am a tough girl, who hates asking for help. Very few people know about our current financial situation or what kind of bind this hospital stay has put us in.  I have and probably always will be that person who is always trying to save the world and am a very giving person, but I struggle to know how to be on the receiving end of things. 

Today was an emotionally overwhelming day and although, I rejoiced that my son was being moved from ICU, I was also very discouraged and hurt by the doctor’s words, and stressed about figuring out how to manage all the bills with no income.  After the doctor upset me I left the hospital.  I went home to get some air, get some clothes, and look at the finances.   As I set in my office and began to weep, crying out to God. I recieved a phone call.  I almost didn’t answer it but for some reason I did. 

It was David’s teacher.  He was calling to inform me that he works as an assistant coach at Gateway Community College and after hearing our story they wanted to help.  They had decided to sale 100 bracelets for us and are also hosting a car wash for David.  My heart was so touched I again wept.  (Gosh I am such a cry baby these days)  It is almost as if God keeps gently reminding me that “I got this”.  When life feels so hopeless and I begin to feel alone he God reaffirms that he is listening and does hear my cries!  When I am not sure if or how he is going to provide he shows me.  When I am not sure if I can endure another day of emotional torture he sends me a sign that things are and will continue to get better.   

Thank You Jesus, Mr. Berge, Gateway Community College, Valley View Elementary, Caesar Chavez High School, and everyone who has emailed, visited, and supported us throughout this endeavour!!!

I feel like I am loosing my mind and I can’t win for loosing. I’m not sure what personality you are all getting today ;) I am just hurt and need to vent…

While doctors were doing rounds today they informed me that they think David is almost ready to be moved to the floor (out of ICU).  We were celebrating this big move and his progress when I decided to bring up a few of my concerns with the attending doctor.  I explained to him that David had come in with a cough and runny nose and within 2 days he was on 100% life support and I was told he probably wasn’t going to make it.  I expressed my fears/concerns with David’s home treatment needs, and my desire to prevent and/or protect him this type of illness from happening again.


It was then the doctor decided to provide me with what I think he considered a “reality check”.   “These kids” he said meaning kids “like” David.  Well their life spans are not like ours.  Their bodies are not made to endure, all that they have to endure.  To be honest he said David has had 31 brain operations and has needed machines to make his lungs work.  It is only technology that has allowed you to enjoy him this long.  He informed me that most children “like David” fight hard, but generally loose their battle to an infection or virus like that one David just fought and that as his mother I needed to be prepared.


He explained that he knew how hard it was for parents who assume the role of caretaker of sick children to release that role, BTW he knew because “he has been in practice for 25 years” and not because he had ever actually done it himself.  He recommended that I go seek counseling or speak to a pastor so that when “that time comes” meaning time to loose my child (the reason I wake up and breath every morning, my heart and soul) that I am prepared and compassionate and know the difference between trying to prevent his death and prolonging his death.  I then informed him that his great speech was much easier said than done and that seeing David was his job in which he gets paid for, while David is my world and this is my life in which I have made many sacrifice to ensure that my son survives and thrives.


FYI Thanks for the pep talk Doctor Positive, I am now confused, scared, and in pieces.


This battle is God’s and not ours, only God has the final say not “Dr. Positive”, and I refuse to let Satan get the best of me.  I am going to cherish every moment God grants me with my little Angel.  His story, strength, courage, and love is changing the world… even if it is only one person at a time.


So I am going to find my smile through these tears for my Dayday, and know that tomorrow will be a better day!

Spaghetti & Meatballs

Just got orders that David can eat solid food! If he does well we will no longer need to do tube feeds ;) His first meal will be his favorite of course; Spaghetti & a Chocolate Cookie for desert.

 He was not as excited about his 

            first meal as I was!

Remember to Smile today, hug your kids, appreciate the little things in life, and say a prayer for someone who might have it worse than you! =)

David is still very weak and has a long way to go to get back to his “normal” self or baseline, but everyday he is getting a little better =)  This morning he whispered “mom”  and it made my heart smile.  We are taking everything one step at time and celebrating every little milestone, no matter how big or small.  It seems like everyday we are able to remove more equipment from our room, which means more tubing from our Dayday =) We were able to sit him up in his wheelchair for a few minutes yesterday but he was not too thrilled about it.


He is still very weak and can not bare his own weight yet, he has no trunk control, and rarely moves the left side of his body, but the doctor’s say that with a little rehab he will be able to move all of his body as he did before.   There is also no evidence that would lead us to believe that his hour long seizure or his 105.8 had and permanent impact on him neurological. David has experienced a lot of trauma in the last 13 days and the fact that he is awake, moving, smiling, and off life support is enough for me.


As David heals I hope that people don’t forget about his story.  David’s story is about a little boys Strength and Courage that has inspired Faith and Hope for many people.  David is an innocent little boy who has had to fight a rigorous battle for his life since birth.  He has fought this battle with such courage, grace, and joy (not to mention a permanent smile on his face).  Even though David is healing from his current illness our battle/challenges do not end here...continued prayers are always appreciated.


Our journey has been long and filled with challenges, it has gotten the best of me at times but I know that God  has been with us every step of the way, and like the poem “Footprints in the Sand” states when he wasn’t by our side it was only because he was carrying us!


As David continues to heal and needs less of our prayers, I hope and pray that we can all remember that there are suffering people everywhere who need God’s divine intervention (David and I are currently in a hospital filled with them).  Remember to Smile today, hug your kids, appreciate the little things in life, and say a prayer for someone who might have it worse than you!  =)

Getting rid of equipment is always a good sign! Bye bye mega pumps ;)

David's first "meal" - apple juice on a sponge

Thank you God because without you I am, we are nothing!

Friends joke that I am Bipolar and have multiple personalities right now. (At the present time I can not deny it) 

Yesterday was definitely personality #14 ~ grieving daughter/fearful mother… 

So right be for my father died they put him on a BIPAP. It is the same breathing machine they have had David on. My father would tell me about how uncomfortable it felt, how the machine made him feel like he was suffocating. It during his last illness that my father expressed to me how hard it was for him just to take every breath, he was tired, and he told me the only reason he was fighting to stay alive was to fulfill promises he had made to me. I realized I was being selfish and told him if he needed to go he could go, and within 30 days my father, my best friend left me to be with Jesus.

The night the doctors told me David would probably not make it, he told me that he knew David was a fighter, a soldier, but that he was probably tired and might not have what it takes to get through this battle. Last night watching him so sad on the machine, the tears running down his face, and the desperation in his eyes made me remember my experiences with my father. My heart ached so very much! I did not want my son to become tired like grandpa and go home, and the thought of that made me very emotional.

Then I remembered that this is not our battle at all… That it doesn’t matter how weak, tired, hurt, emotional, or weary David and I may get. This battle is the Lord’s and his power is beyond any sickness or disease.

Today we are much better. I got my first giggle out of David. He thinks it’s funny when I move the bed up and down. Just when I feel too weak or hurt to fight anymore God gives me exactly what I need to push forward. Thank you God because without you I am, we are nothing!

Tonight Update: My emotions are everywhere tonight! I have been feeling very sad and helpless. David has been just lying there with his breathing mask looking miserable, and pathetic. He has been silent with his eyes wide open filled with tears! When I try to kiss or comfort him he turns away from me as if he is upset with me, and it brakes my heart! He can't understand that we are doing what we have to, to make him better. Sometimes I wonder if he wonders why I'm not protecting him. I wish I could make it all better, but Mommy can't right now! I have to trust God for this one! Our days feel like eternity and no matter how much we sleep it seems as if we are both still always exhausted!

TEAM DAVID

I had Team David Bracelets made. To me the bracelets signify several simple reminders; 

If David can smile through it all, so can we, that God is a loving faithful God, and that God is good… ALL the time!

For those of you who do not know David, he is known for his famous quotes! I couldn't decide what to put on the other side of the bracelets when, a friend suggested we put on of his popular phrases. "Why you crying" seemed the most appropriate to start with since, he has had everyone crying over the last 11 days ;).

David can remind us all of a little something from time to time. (Hope, Faith, and to continue to Smile are just a few of the many things David reminds me of daily.  =) We are not selling the bracelets we would like to share them with our family and friends.  We are however, accepting donations from anyone who is able, so that we have funds to purchase the next order. I was only able to order 200 this time.

Donations can be made through Paypal with my email address ~ dadasmom5@yahoo.com.  Please include your address & how many you would like.  If you are not making a donation & just would like some bracelet’s just message me your info.iate to start with since he has had everyone crying over the last 11 days ;). Donations can be made through paypal with my email address ~ dadasmom5@yahoo.com. Please include your address & how many you would like. If you are not making a donation & just would like some bracellettes just message me your info.

Today’s Emotions: Who knows… I am still not sure which personality will come out today!

They have to do this horrible treatment on David were they suction the secretions out of his lungs.  It is so sad because David, who never cries, cries every time they do it.   His vocal cords are still sore and swollen from the ventilator tube so when he cries it sounds like he is hissing.   You only know he is crying because you can see the tears and desperation in his little eyes.

He has been struggling with his Oxygen saturation levels (better know as SATS).  Normal oxygen saturation levels should be 95% to 100% but in David’s case they would like him to remain above 90%.  Last night he kept falling in the 70’s so David had to be put on a Bi-level Positive Airway Pressure machine (BiPAP ). It is a breathing apparatus that helps get more air into his lungs.   It is a step above oxygen but, below the ventilator.

I am still trusting and believing!  I am just tired =(  Although, I am ecstatic that David is more awake, him being alert has caused some other issues.  It has become a constant battle to keep him relaxed, he is irritated by all of the cords “tying him down”.  I keep having to try and keep him from ripping out his tubes, leads, IV’s, and all the fun stuff he still needs right now.

Quote of the day:  
“Courage is fear that has said its prayers and decided to go forward anyway.” ― Joyce Meyer

Please Keep Your Prayers Coming!

The doctors say that  David is “on the fence” right now, which means that although he is breathing without the ventilator and only receiving oxygen,  he is still struggling to breath on his own. He could need to be put back on the ventilator if his breathing does not improve.  His respiratory therapists are amazing and working very hard to prevent that from happening.  Please keep praying!  God is still working and listening, and David is still smiling, which of course is what is keeping mommy going. =)

This World is a better Place because of his Smile =)

He’s back =) Not even an hour off of the machines, after a week of enduring such horrible things, and he is already smiling! This is exactly what I mean when I say His Smile Keeps Me Going!

David taking his first Breath

The last ten days have been a nightmare for us! We have waited, prayed, cried, prayed some more… Just wanting my Angel to live, be able to smile, breath, and be himself again. Nine days ago Doctor’s told me that my son would probably not make it through the night and that if he did it would be a long battle he was still not promised to win. My heart sank, it became filled will pain, sadness, fear, and I became ill. I knew I needed to pull myself together for David because if anyone could beat the odds it would be David. I also knew a mommy in pieces was not going help him any. The following day I went to church. My best friend asked why I was leaving the hospital to go to church when God could hear my prayers/cries from anywhere. I explained, “ I am not going to church to be heard by God, I am going to church because I am on Empty right now and I need to praise him and feel his presence to get me through this next week”. I cried my way through most of the services and when church ended I ran to the altar. I ran right past the ushers and through myself on the floor at the altar steps. I did not care who was looking, or how crazy I looked, I did not care who laid their hands on me or who prayed for me, all I cared about was that God knew I was laying it all at his feet and allowing him to take control!

                    

That he has my friends, that he has! Our journey is not over nor is our fight but God has completed a miracle and has allowed thousands of people to witness and be part of it.

This morning at around 10:00am David was extubated, he took his first breath on his own, his first breath without the need of help from a machine in 10 days =) 

To God be ALL the Glory!!!!

Thank you JESUS ~ they just extubated David! In English: David is breathing on his own :).

Come on Pappa your Dayday needs you right now!

We need you right now Daddy =( You and David have
 always been the only ones whose smiles could make
 me smile through anything!

24/7 HOPE
Heaven Opening Peoples Eyes

Today is going to be a good day...a day filled with rest, praise, healing, & hopefully our Dayday's smiles!

I got a half smile this morning even with the vent in!  He also opened his eyes and left them open for the longest they have been open yet =)  

 I truly believe that one day God will give us all a perfect understanding of  when, where, why, and how things happen.  Until then, we just need to cling to him for strength to endure the  journey.   It has been comforting to know that when I'm too weak to even do that, I have people like you all willing to do it for me =)  Thanks again everyone! Right now you are all my little Angels, warriors fighting a battle he is to weak to fight alone! May God bless you all in so many ways!!!

Lord I trust you with my whole heart and I will continue to praise you but... Life really hurts right now!

David's SATs & blood pressure are dropping. They are increasing the pressure on the ventilator but his rates are still dropping. Pray, Pray, Pray! We were hoping to have him breathing on his own tomorrow! ;(


 I have been playing praise music in David's room all day. It might seem crazy but the lower his rates got and the louder his alarms went off, the louder I sang and praised God!!!!


We will not be defeated! David is now receiving more oxygen(80%) and needing more pressure from the ventilator, the X-ray's show some more fluid on his left side of David's lungs but, everything is finally under control and David is now resting again!




03/03/12 ~ 3:00am
Just got done with David's Intermittent Positive Pressure Ventilation (IPPV) treatment. It's awful I have to lay on top of him & try & keep him calm while the respirory therapist pulls secretions from his lungs. No fun, but it will make him better so I'll be up in 4 more hours to do it again.