We are still adjusting to being home and I am still struggling with my emotions. In the midst of “our crisis” being strong for David was my only option. Now that it is over, the reality and severity of the situation is sinking in. I remember those 24 hours like it was yesterday. Time stood still and 24 hours felt like 24 years.
The Questions racing through my heart, soul, and mind...
Was this going to be the battle we would ultimately loose? Was David going to survive this? Was he ever going to wake up? Would things ever be the same? How would I get up and make it through my days without his Smile or my Dayday by my side?
Eventually, I begun to get too tired to ask questions or even think.
Knowing that neither my strength nor David’s strength could fight the battle we were facing, I had no other choice but to lay it all at God’s feet. David did survive, he woke up, and myself and many others are blessed with the ability to enjoy once again, enjoy David’s Smile, but things will never be the same!
I have seen and experienced miracles, my faith is stronger than I could have ever imagined, I am now able to fully and completely trust God, and I know when I call on him, he comes running. Throughout this experience I have cried out to God, on more occasions than I can count. Somehow, someway, in my moments of utter desperation God always responded to my cries. He has sent signs, used people, and made the impossible possible. That changes a person!
This last month has been an emotional roller coaster, one with more downs than ups, but at the end I got off the ride, and was embraced by my Father. Right were God wanted me, were I have needed to be for a long time, back in his arms.
Remember although, David is on the road to recovery his story/our journey does not end here… We have a world to change =)
Miracles Happen... and David is Proof!!! David's story is about a Heroic little boy who has managed to inspire the world with his strength, courage, and smile. His journey can remind us all to remain faithful, hopeful, believe, and Smile! I share our journey openly. It is real, raw, and uncut, and although I share our faith, miracles, and blessing, I also honestly share the ugly truth about what parenting a child with special needs sometimes entails.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Don't Let Anything Go to Waste!
This was in a recent Women of Faith ~ daily refreshment titled Nothing Goes to Waste~ I could so related, and felt led to share...
"I’ve also learned my greatest spiritual growth has sprung from my deepest human pain. Nothing in our lives goes to waste. All experiences, even a marital calamity, will ultimately work together for our good. I've also learned to be patient about not knowing what God knows. I have to trust him to take care of what I can’t see and ultimately make sense of what I do see."
Although, my experience had nothing to do with marriage, I did grow and learn so very much about trusting God and letting go of "needing to make sense of things".
"I’ve also learned my greatest spiritual growth has sprung from my deepest human pain. Nothing in our lives goes to waste. All experiences, even a marital calamity, will ultimately work together for our good. I've also learned to be patient about not knowing what God knows. I have to trust him to take care of what I can’t see and ultimately make sense of what I do see."
Although, my experience had nothing to do with marriage, I did grow and learn so very much about trusting God and letting go of "needing to make sense of things".
Monday, March 19, 2012
I am learning to laugh about things again =)
After David failed his swallow study speech suggested that David only drink from a sippy cup with a straw. They are intended for toddlers who are just learning to drink from a straw, so straw regulates they amount of fluid. I tried to drink from one myself and they are pretty difficult to drink from. David is not enjoying having to work for his drinks. I keep catching him taking off the lids to avoid having to use the regulated straw ;).
As a result I have had my bed, floors, carpets, his toys, and our clothes covered in boost. I want to be angry because he continuously spills and has created several huge messes, but I can’t help but laugh that he has figured out that he can just take off the lid and not have to deal with drinking from the darn “difficult straw”! lol
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Lord I know you have already blessed me with so much, and I am so very grateful, but please I am begging, make my Dayday whole and complete again. His current state is scary and heartbreaking!
David was sitting next to me and he leaned over and began staring at the floor, drooling, and shivering. I lifted him up thinking he was starting to seize, but he was not. I don’t know if it is the medication, his recent medical issues, or a combination of it all, but that is just the way David is and has been since he has woken up. He has had a few moments were he laughs, kisses, and even dances, but they are few and far between and for the most part he just seems lethargic and lost.
David was sitting next to me and he leaned over and began staring at the floor, drooling, and shivering. I lifted him up thinking he was starting to seize, but he was not. I don’t know if it is the medication, his recent medical issues, or a combination of it all, but that is just the way David is and has been since he has woken up. He has had a few moments were he laughs, kisses, and even dances, but they are few and far between and for the most part he just seems lethargic and lost.
David is home but our Journey continues on...
My emotions are running wild! I am so very grateful that David is alive, that God granted me/us a Miracle, and that I am again blessed with his Smiles. I am so very confused about my current state of being and emotions.
You would think that now that David is stable and home I would relax, but the truth is I am falling apart! When he was in critical condition I did not have time to grief, process, or emotionally deal with the traumatic experience happening at the moment, I had to stay strong for my baby, who at that moment was so very weak. Now that, “that moment” is over, all of those emotions are flooding in and I feel as if I am drowning.
I know that after any medical event with David it takes a while for things to return to normal or “our normal”, but this is a very different experience than I am use to. Brain surgery although difficult, is something David and I are both use to and know how to bounce right back from. Watching my son unable to do anything for himself hurts my heart, but than I feel guilty for being sad when I am lucky he is even alive.
He is not longer potty training, he is still not speaking, he can not help with transfers, feeding himself, or any of “our normal” routines at the present time. I don’t want to be ungrateful for what I don’t have, because I am so very grateful for what I do have. He just didn’t come back the same, I still love him the same if not more, I value and appreciate every minute with him, but don’t know how to process or deal with the drastic changes.
His whole body constantly shakes, he drools, and he is completely dependant. Doctors say all of these symptoms are most likely temporary, but can be permanent. I can deal with David in whatever package he comes in, I just don’t know how to process and/or adjust to the changes.
David is home but our Journey continues on, as will our struggles. I just know that this experience put me in a place where I had no other choice but to completely and fully hand my heart over to God. I had to trust him with my heart and my son. My heart still hurts but I know I am in a place where he can fix some very deep rooted traumas and pain, and this can only make me a better person and mommy for David.
It just hurts, it’s confusing, emotional, and something I have to deal with one moment at a time. I know we are headed in the right direction so for now I am going to just keep looking up ^^^^^!
You would think that now that David is stable and home I would relax, but the truth is I am falling apart! When he was in critical condition I did not have time to grief, process, or emotionally deal with the traumatic experience happening at the moment, I had to stay strong for my baby, who at that moment was so very weak. Now that, “that moment” is over, all of those emotions are flooding in and I feel as if I am drowning.
I know that after any medical event with David it takes a while for things to return to normal or “our normal”, but this is a very different experience than I am use to. Brain surgery although difficult, is something David and I are both use to and know how to bounce right back from. Watching my son unable to do anything for himself hurts my heart, but than I feel guilty for being sad when I am lucky he is even alive.
He is not longer potty training, he is still not speaking, he can not help with transfers, feeding himself, or any of “our normal” routines at the present time. I don’t want to be ungrateful for what I don’t have, because I am so very grateful for what I do have. He just didn’t come back the same, I still love him the same if not more, I value and appreciate every minute with him, but don’t know how to process or deal with the drastic changes.
His whole body constantly shakes, he drools, and he is completely dependant. Doctors say all of these symptoms are most likely temporary, but can be permanent. I can deal with David in whatever package he comes in, I just don’t know how to process and/or adjust to the changes.
David is home but our Journey continues on, as will our struggles. I just know that this experience put me in a place where I had no other choice but to completely and fully hand my heart over to God. I had to trust him with my heart and my son. My heart still hurts but I know I am in a place where he can fix some very deep rooted traumas and pain, and this can only make me a better person and mommy for David.
It just hurts, it’s confusing, emotional, and something I have to deal with one moment at a time. I know we are headed in the right direction so for now I am going to just keep looking up ^^^^^!
I wanted to go to church today but it is raining outside and I am nervous to take David out in this weather. Although, I got to sleep in my own bed last night, I didn’t sleep much. I have such anxiety about David getting sick. Every time he moves, turns, coughs, shakes, anything I wake up.
David is on new seizure medication since his last hour long seizure, it is suppose to have much better effects, but until his body adjust there are some side affects (like shaking and drooling) and they scare me.
It so different in the Hospital, if anything goes wrong I have a nurse button I can push, but at home… well I am on my own. I do trust God, but my mommy nervous and anxiety is making it hard for me to adjust and enjoy being home!
David is on new seizure medication since his last hour long seizure, it is suppose to have much better effects, but until his body adjust there are some side affects (like shaking and drooling) and they scare me.
It so different in the Hospital, if anything goes wrong I have a nurse button I can push, but at home… well I am on my own. I do trust God, but my mommy nervous and anxiety is making it hard for me to adjust and enjoy being home!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Home Sweet Home!
We are home =) I can't not wait to take a nice hot bath, sleep in my own bed, eat whatever I want from my own fridge, and wake up and pick out whatever I want to wear to church tomorrow from my own closet. Oh the simple things in life...
and then of course the not so simple things, like God's miraculous wonders. I have longed for this day for weeks now, at one point I was told by doctors that David probably would not make it and if he did taking David home would problably take weeks or even months.
Although, this has been a long and tiresome journey I have become ever so close to you Lord, and I have needed that for quite some time now! Thanks I can truly appreciate the journey because we have completed the battle victorious and the perspective gained through this journey has made me ever so thankful!
and then of course the not so simple things, like God's miraculous wonders. I have longed for this day for weeks now, at one point I was told by doctors that David probably would not make it and if he did taking David home would problably take weeks or even months.
Although, this has been a long and tiresome journey I have become ever so close to you Lord, and I have needed that for quite some time now! Thanks I can truly appreciate the journey because we have completed the battle victorious and the perspective gained through this journey has made me ever so thankful!
Friday, March 16, 2012
A recent swallow study revealed that David is aspirating while eating and drinking. This means that the fluid and or food he intakes can and is going into the respiratory tract during inhalation. The potential effects of his aspiration is that it can cause Pneumonia, which doctors do not feel his little body could handle or fight right now. We will be remaining residence of PCH for at least one more day.
When we get home David will be receiving speech therapy so that he can learn to eat and drink again. I know that sounds crazy to anyone who knows David because besides smiling, eating and drinking are the two things he enjoys most and does best!
He will go home on a special "soft diet" and we will be supplementing his meals with liquid formula which we will be thickening with a special thickening gel. The study showed that David did not aspirate while drinking "nectar thick" fluids.
All and all he is doing amazing and back to his flirty bubbly self. God has been so amazingly faithful and gracious to us throughout this adventure.
I have been facing some anxiety about going home, David returning to school, and the both of us returning to "our realities". I am excited yet nervous at the same time. Our world has been put on hold for the last month, but the rest of the world has continued on, and somehow we have to figure out a way to jump back in as if "our world" never stoped.
As far as my anxiety, I know that they are natural motherly concerns and I also know that my God is greater than my anxieties and any fears I might have.
When we get home David will be receiving speech therapy so that he can learn to eat and drink again. I know that sounds crazy to anyone who knows David because besides smiling, eating and drinking are the two things he enjoys most and does best!
He will go home on a special "soft diet" and we will be supplementing his meals with liquid formula which we will be thickening with a special thickening gel. The study showed that David did not aspirate while drinking "nectar thick" fluids.
All and all he is doing amazing and back to his flirty bubbly self. God has been so amazingly faithful and gracious to us throughout this adventure.
I have been facing some anxiety about going home, David returning to school, and the both of us returning to "our realities". I am excited yet nervous at the same time. Our world has been put on hold for the last month, but the rest of the world has continued on, and somehow we have to figure out a way to jump back in as if "our world" never stoped.
As far as my anxiety, I know that they are natural motherly concerns and I also know that my God is greater than my anxieties and any fears I might have.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
A special message for David from our precious little Clowie!
This message brought tears to my eyes. This is the daughter of dear friends of ours. Clowie had a message she wanted to share with her friend Dayday! They shared with me that when she found out that David was taken off the ventilator she jumped up and down yelling "David is breathing again". ;,)
What a remarkable young girl with an amazing spirit. God job mom and dad! Lots of love little Miss. Clowie, we miss you and you welcome to come over everyday if you would like, once we get home. Xoxoxoxo
What a remarkable young girl with an amazing spirit. God job mom and dad! Lots of love little Miss. Clowie, we miss you and you welcome to come over everyday if you would like, once we get home. Xoxoxoxo
Tube Free Dayday =)
David is officially “tube” free! They took out his IV this morning and his feeding tube about 30 minutes ago. I thought this day would never come. It is not official but we might, just might get discharged tomorrow. Yep, going home only 22 days after being told that David would not make it through the night =)
Life truly is too short to focus on insignificant things that you can’t change and that don’t matter. We should be spending our time appreciating life and the smallest things about life that matter so very much… Like David enjoying his first Twix Bar and Jamming out to Bruno Mars! Life itself is Amazing and Living it with God by my side makes it even Greater!
Life truly is too short to focus on insignificant things that you can’t change and that don’t matter. We should be spending our time appreciating life and the smallest things about life that matter so very much… Like David enjoying his first Twix Bar and Jamming out to Bruno Mars! Life itself is Amazing and Living it with God by my side makes it even Greater!
God is Love!
I just wanted to thank everyone for their love and support over the last few weeks. I also would lake to make a few statements about my last few post. All of you came to my defense. Some of your were angry, hurt, surprised, and appalled by the behaviors of a few individuals I once called “friends". I too was extremely hurt by some of the things that have been said to me via email, post, or messages (by numerous people). Allowing those hurtful words to make me or anyone else angry is giving Satan the power he wants.
That being said… what I am called to do is pray for these people, and I would ask all of you to do the same. I do not and have not ever wished them ill and I pray that they may find compassion and empathy for others. If their responses/reactions were out of their own wounds I pray they may be healed from that pain.
This story is about love, faith, God, and a courageous little boy named David (who BTW is Smiling as I type). While focusing on peoples negative comments I lost sight of that. May God bless everyone today especial those who have wounded me with their words.
That being said… what I am called to do is pray for these people, and I would ask all of you to do the same. I do not and have not ever wished them ill and I pray that they may find compassion and empathy for others. If their responses/reactions were out of their own wounds I pray they may be healed from that pain.
This story is about love, faith, God, and a courageous little boy named David (who BTW is Smiling as I type). While focusing on peoples negative comments I lost sight of that. May God bless everyone today especial those who have wounded me with their words.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
For God sake I have just begun to enjoy his smile again! Please let me do so in peace!
To all of you who have a negative opinion about my blog or facebook updates, its really quite simple…delete me, block me, don’t read my post, or don’t follow me! But please do not ridicule me, judge me, or kick me while I am down.
I cordially invite you into my world, not via media and/or social networking but I invite you to take a real walk in my shoes, my real everyday life. Once you have taken a few steps in my shoes (which most of you will never be willing to do) then and only than will your opinion on how I handle myself, live my life, and raise my son matter!I am human, never have I claimed to be perfect, and I have spent the last three weeks fighting a battle that has physically and emotionally drained me. I do not need to be attacked by people who have never had to endure or experiences my experiences, my life.
No one can predict how they will react in crisis until they are actually in crisis. I have handled things to the best of my ability and if for some reason that has not met your standards don’t judge me, step up to the plate and see what you can do to help!
This battle has not only been a three week battle, it has been a 15 year battle. Although, it is David with the medical challenges, I as his mother have had to fight this battle with him. My heart is pure, my goal is to touch life’s, and inspire others that odds are made to be beaten, but don’t for one second forget that I am human, with a heart and feelings!
If you can’t respect my heart and feelings or understand that I am tired and have better things to worry about than rude, inconsiderate, and insensitive comments or messages than please just leave me alone. I have learned in the last few weeks that life is short, too short to be spending time or energy crying over people who are heartless and do not and will not ever matter in our lives.
For God sake I have just begun to enjoy his smile again! Please let me do so in peace!
I Share because I believe it would be selfish of me to to keep the blessing of David and his Miracles to myself!
Every video I share, picture I post, story I share, proves we serve a kind & loving God! 18 days ago my son was on 100% life support, his organs were failing, & doctors had done all they could do. I was told to say my goodbyes " and Know David had fought a good fight". I got on my knees and begged my God, Abba Father, to intervene
and complete the work the doctors could no longer do! Many of you joined me
in that request.
3 days ago David whispered mom, he has giggled, given nose kisses, & even danced. To be honest some days I have not wanted to blog, talk, or recap our daily events, but I knew that our followers, our prayer warriors, and our supporters were waiting for updates.
Everyone who has faithful followed us throughout this event, has been given an amazing opportunity to witness & experience our Miracles along side us. How could I not share that?
Our God is a big & Mighty God, but sometimes, that is hard to see when the challenges around us seem just as big and mighty. David proved that NOTHING is to big or small for our God. Just call on him, I promise he'll be there! (no matter what time it is) lol
When you begin to feel defeated, weary, or can only see how big your challenges are, my advice would be; praise God in the mist of the storm, understand that he has a plan and a purpose for all things & sometimes we just need to get out of his way, & when all else fails let David remind you to Smile your way through it!
The news we have all be patiently waiting for:
3 days ago David whispered mom, he has giggled, given nose kisses, & even danced. To be honest some days I have not wanted to blog, talk, or recap our daily events, but I knew that our followers, our prayer warriors, and our supporters were waiting for updates.
Everyone who has faithful followed us throughout this event, has been given an amazing opportunity to witness & experience our Miracles along side us. How could I not share that?
Our God is a big & Mighty God, but sometimes, that is hard to see when the challenges around us seem just as big and mighty. David proved that NOTHING is to big or small for our God. Just call on him, I promise he'll be there! (no matter what time it is) lol
When you begin to feel defeated, weary, or can only see how big your challenges are, my advice would be; praise God in the mist of the storm, understand that he has a plan and a purpose for all things & sometimes we just need to get out of his way, & when all else fails let David remind you to Smile your way through it!
The news we have all be patiently waiting for:
Today he is back.... David has giggled
all morning, even through a blood draw! He gets histarical when we move the
bed, and the blood pressure cuff hugging his arm tickles him to no end. When we have to do anything uncomfortable to him (pokes, pricks, and/or placing a tube down his nose) we just put on a little Bruno Mars, and it gets him through. He even dances his way through his treatments no =) He has also decided
that he will flirt with his respiratory therapists but doesn't really need their help... He has decided he can hold his own mask and do their job, he has it all under control!!!!!
Every time he giggles I am reminded that God loves me, his smile reminds me that God will never leave me nor forsake me, his joy reminds me to appreciate the small things we so often take for granted, and when David dances it reminds me that worshiping and praising God is the only way to survive challenges like the one we have just survived!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
If David could talk I truly believe he would be honored to know that his story is inspiring others!
I have recently had someone suggest that my blogging, sharing, and posting of photos gave the impression that I was exploiting and/or putting my son on display. The thought that anyone would think those are or ever have been my intentions greatly hurts me. I am sorry if I have been to honest, graphic, or real in my post. If I offended you in any way please accept my sincere apology. I have tried to crop most of our photos, but my attempts have not always been successful. So if the pictures of David in diapers made anyone uncomfortable again I am sorry and those were never my intentions.
Sharing our story is not always easy or fun, because as most of you have seen our life is not always pretty and filled with roses. I share our story (raw and uncut) so people know that serving God, remaining faithful, and raising children is painful and overwhelming at times. I may not always be easy, but “he never said it would be easy he only said it would be worth it”
I would not share our story if I felt that sharing our journey... David's life and even suffering wasn’t changing lives, inspiring people around the world, building faith and even bringing people to Christ. That is what has made sharing/blogging/posting worth the time and effort throughout this long hard journey. For the most part that is the feedback I have received
David’s story can remind us all that God is capable of using all things to his glory! That has been the intention of my continuous updates!
Sharing our story is not always easy or fun, because as most of you have seen our life is not always pretty and filled with roses. I share our story (raw and uncut) so people know that serving God, remaining faithful, and raising children is painful and overwhelming at times. I may not always be easy, but “he never said it would be easy he only said it would be worth it”
I would not share our story if I felt that sharing our journey... David's life and even suffering wasn’t changing lives, inspiring people around the world, building faith and even bringing people to Christ. That is what has made sharing/blogging/posting worth the time and effort throughout this long hard journey. For the most part that is the feedback I have received
David’s story can remind us all that God is capable of using all things to his glory! That has been the intention of my continuous updates!
Nose Kisses Make Mommy Happy!
Mommy got Nose Kisses this morning~ I have waited way too long to share these special kisses with my little man! It is funny the things we take for granted ;)
Monday, March 12, 2012
Our Journey...
A Little About Our Journey... Please repost, share with friends, family, who ever will listen.
David's can teach us so much about life even without words!
His Smile keeps me going, I pray it may do the same for others.
May God Richly Bless you all & please keep the prayers coming =)
We will believe the report of the Lord.
Today is the day...
I knew David’s lungs were failing and that is why he was ventilated (had machine breathing for him) but I was not aware that the rest of his organs were also starting to shut down and fail. The doctor explained that David was slowly dying and that him still being with us was “remarkable” aka “a miracle”. Now I am glad I didn’t know all these facts because it would have made it harder to cope with the current situation, but knowing now allows me to realize how amazing and powerful my God is.
Although, David is making progresses considering the “battle” his little body has fought, the change in his personality and his ability to do simple things he has done in the past has caused some concern.
He is still not talking, he can’t lift himself up, or even sit up without assistance, the things that once stimulated him like social interaction and music no longer interest him, and there are days he just stares up at the ceiling as if he is lost.
This week he has begun therapy; speech, occupational and physical. We are hoping that will help. The Speech therapist is concerned with David’s swallowing since intubation. They fear that if he swallows wrong he can aspirate which can cause pneumonia. They are no longer allowing him to eat anything by mouth until he gets a swallow study done sometime today. This means we are back to Pediasure through his NG tube. I am praying that this study will determine what the problem is and how we can fix it.
David’s Neurologist is also very concerned with David’s current state so we will be also having an MRI and EEG done today. The doctor says that the test will let us know if this “event” (his 105.8 fever, his hour long seizure, and the virus causing a lack of oxygen to his brain) caused any permanent damage to David’s brain and if so to what extent, and on what part of his brain.
He then informed me that even if we do find damage there is not much we can do about it. The information from the test today will only help us understand David and provide an explanation for his current state, but that there is nothing we can do for damage already done but be aware of it.
It was so much information to take in and after previous conversations with doctors I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what the doctors thought about David or his prognosis. Tears began to run down my face, the doctor began to explain how lucky David was to be alive! He said David surviving with all the odds against him in his condition was “remarkable” in my terms “a miracle”. He began to explain how critical David’s condition had gotten. Everything during that week, in those moments is still a big blur to me. Maybe at some point someone did share this information with me but yesterday was the first time I actually heard it.
I knew David’s lungs were failing and that is why he was ventilated (had machine breathing for him) but I was not aware that the rest of his organs were also starting to shut down and fail. The doctor explained that David was slowly dying and that him still being with us was “remarkable” aka “a miracle”. Now I am glad I didn’t know all these facts because it would have made it harder to cope with the current situation, but knowing now allows me to realize how amazing and powerful my God is.
As the doctor left the room he turned back and said “you have been an amazing heroic mother through all of this” I just smiled and thought “only because I am staying strong for an amazing heroic son”.
I am trying to stay strong, I want to comfort my son, hold him, tell him it’s going to be OK, and that this will all be over soon but we are still waiting on answers.
I am doing all that I can…
Some days that’s singing in his ear, sponge bathing him, keeping his little body rotated, apply massive amounts of Carmex to his dry little mouth; I just want him to know I am there.
Some days I lay in the bed with him for hours even though I am not tired and my ADHD is driving me crazy just so he can feel me near. I even stare at the ceiling with him just so he knows he’s not alone. I am not sure what he sees up their, He might see Jesus but all I have seen is 59 ceiling tiles. ;)
I am hoping for the best and trusting God to be in the midst of it all. No matter what the test results determine or what the doctors may say… We will believe the report of the Lord.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
BRACELETS ARE IN… make sure to message me how many you want, what colors, & your mailing address.
Remember the bracelets are free. I am attempting to build Team David and also show appreciation for all the love, prayers, and support throughout this endeavor. I also hope that sharing David’s story can inspire the world and build faith.
If you would like to make a donation to help cover postage & expenses it would be appreciated, but if you are not in a position to do so, no worries just join “Team David”!
Donations can be made by mail, through paypal with my email address ~ dadasmom5@yahoo.com, online at - http://www.gofundme.com/gp9hg, or you can go into any Chase Bank and give them his name: David Campuzano & his savings account #3030970762.
A Special Thanks to Emis for helping me put together
special packages to send our Team David Wrist Bands out!
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