6/05/12

I got a job offer for ACCEL ~ ACCEL (Arizona Centers for Comprehensive Education and Life Skills) is a private, nonprofit organization for children with special needs, ages 5-22, and adults 18 and over. Life is beginning to look up and I am trying to focus on my relationship with God to pull myself out of the rut I have been in.

I know how truly blessed I have been, but life still hurts from time to time and I just need a little time to re-cooperate. I am back =) and excited to see what God has instore for us!

Our Homergency episode will go live tomorrow and I will be sure to post the link as soon as it is up! Thank you everyone who has been so very supportive of us while I have tried to find myself.

6/06/12

Off to the hospital =( David has been under the weather for the last 24 hours, he has had diarrhea and has not wanted to get out of bed. I was cleaning the carpet where he had had an accident and went to get a towel. When I got back he was chugging the carpet cleaner! Say a prayer for us, Poison Control has recommended we go to the hospital.

David is doing much better! Still a little under the weather, but recovering. Maybe those chemicals killed his virus ;)

6/07/12

Mommy on the other hand is struggling… Just him getting sick puts me on an emotional roller coaster. I have flash backs of taking him to the ER and then being told he might not ever return home. I don’t want to live in fear and I am trying to let God heal me right now, but where it stands I am still very scared.

I am putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward, but with all the recent changes in my life I am struggling with the transition. There is no doubt that the life ahead of us is much more promising than the life we are letting go of, but letting go is still challenging.

Today I will sign my contract with ACCEL and tomorrow David and I are of to spend some much needed QT with my Big Bro and his family (who always makes me feel better). God is in control, life hurts, but I still know I am blessed beyond measure and even some of the things that hurt right now are blessings in disguise. God only removes people in things when he wants to replace them with better.

I feel so cheated...

I know many people have been concerned about me.  I have not felt like I could face the world so I have isolated myself in an attempted to rely on God to help me figure things out.  Many of you are wondering if I am OK and the truth is I am not, but I will be!

For those of you who don't know I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  I have experienced several traumatic events in my life which have made it intensify my situations when traumas occur.  Recently I have been struggling with transition in my life.  I know God is in the mist of the changes occurring, but change and goodbyes are still very difficult for me to process, no matter how necessary they may be.

In addition, to David's near death experience I have also been dealing with our realities.  I love my son for who he is, but that does not change the fact that at times my heart aches for who he can  never be.  I would never trade David's amazing spirits for legs that would work, but as his mother it still hurts to watch other kids run.  Watching my child struggle to move and/or breath while most of the world takes forgranted of those blessings. I don't know why we where chosen for this life, I just have to trust that God is in control and knows what he is doing.  I have been doing this alone since I was 16, and I am tired, lonely, and trying to figure out my place in all this.  I have to keeping on pushing forward no matter how tired I become because my little man needs and deserves a healthy mommy.

As a teacher my job is to teach children things like their ABC's which I can't do for my own child.  From time to time that reality sinks in and is very hard to swallow.  Life hurts right now!!!  My chest feels like it is caving in, and facing everyday takes all that I have and then some.

Life is not fair, this we all know and I will get over it, but it is a process I am struggling with right now.  Do I know God is real and with me, without a shadow of a doubt.  That being said... it still hurts.

Please understand that I know God is working in our lives.  I know that I have been blessed to have the opportunity to watch God complete a miracle in my home, my son's life, and now I believe he is making me deal with the many deep rooted issues in my life so he can restore my heart.  A very painful process that will be worth it in the end.

I want everyone who has supported us to know that I appreciate you all, I could not face these obstacles without your embrace.  For those who have complicated this journey, used us, betrayed or hurt us, (intentionally or not) I forgive you, but it is time I take control of my life back.  I must look forward and never look back.  I have to seek the Lord now and can't afford distractions, but we will be back to share our story and smiles again soon! =)

I have learned so very much in the last few months... I have learned how very painful the truth is and that it is when times get rough that you realize that the people you thought were on your team are not and that people you didn't think were their have been silently cheering you on all along!

I have so much to be thankful for so I am going to chalk this up to a lesson learned and thank God that he has removed those people from David and my life so that we can embrace all the amazing friends he has blessed us with.  The genuine and sincere people in our lives.

I am just feeling so very broken! I know that is the best time for God to come in and mend my pieces... it just doesn't make it hurt  any less for the time being! =(

Life might come with disappointment and challenges, but at the end of the day I can always celebrate the fact that God blessed me with a beautiful little boy. One whose smile brightens my life. I love David more than life itself and on days that pushing forward seems impossible I look into David's eyes and know ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

For the last few weeks I have felt blessed beyond measure.  I can’t seem to find the words to articulate how extremely grateful we are.  Last Sunday the pastors wife shared a testimony which really summed it up quite perfectly.

“God is always with us” she proclaimed.  She shared about a time in her life, in which she felt down.  She explained how she struggled with the idea that God was with us in those moments we feel so alone.  She spoke about how hard it was for her to see God in the midst of her miscarriage.   She knew he did not cause her to miscarry, but questioned where God was in the midst of her pain and grief.

She than explained that God spoke to her showing her that even though it felt as if he was not their he was indeed by her side.  On the days that followed many friend and members of her church congregation supported them.  When she was unable to clean her house God sent women from the church to volunteer.  On the days that getting out of bed and cooking meals where tasks to intense, he sent members of the church with dinner, “that is how you could see me and my presence in the midst of your pain”. 

That is how I feel.  For many years I struggled to see God in my life, situation, and even heart at times.  I felt so lost, abandoned, and neglected.   My perspective has changed and when I wonder where God is, I see him in the College and High school soccer teams washing cars on weekends to help me with David’s medical expense, I see God in our new friends who our fundraising for us all the way from KS, and his presence is present in the contractors and volunteers putting our new house together!  God is with us always, continuously working in our lives!  He has always been there, but sometimes he comes in packages we might not expect.  

Thank you God, for sending all the amazing people you have, who were willing to be a vessel and  part of changing our lives.  You have all been God hands and feet embracing us when we needed God's warm embrace.   David and I are now in an amazing place because of it. 

Only 3 more hours until I get the best Mother’s day gift in the world.  The ability to see my son in the home he needs and deserves!

Tomorrow is the beginning of our new beginning! It is very surreal for me!

Besides the new house... I have a new found faith and hope in our savior which I had lost for some time.  I knew that God was real and capable of saving lives, I just didn't know he loved me enough to do it for us.  


We have struggled for sometime now and in the mist of me trying to save the world felt abandoned by God.  I couldn't understand why with all his power and my faith he hadn't saved us.  


He had thousands of years ago, but my need to be in control had interfered with his plans.  In a desperate state I surrendered everything to him and within two months he restored my heart, my soul, my house, my son... and it goes on!


I know that I know that he is real and loves me and that feeling has aloud me to love myself and embrace my situation.  Thank You Jesus and everyone else who has aloud him to use you to touch our lives.

I am so excited...  The person making the cake does amazing work and is crafting a cake with a candy figure of David on it!  www.carmensucakes.com 


The cake has been generously donated by this baker through an organization called Icing Smiles Inc, which is a  nonprofit organization that provides custom celebration cakes and other treats to families impacted by the critical illness of a child. 


 http://www.icingsmiles.org/ 

Homergency to the Rescue...

As the date draws closer I become more and more excited... I got the releases out to my students today so that they can be part of the show, we got our hotel info, and tomorrow we find out about wardrobe.  This dream is become more of a reality everyday.  God is so FAITHFUL.  


If you would like to be part of the finale "The Reveal" Please mark your calenders for May 11th at 5:30pm.  You will have to sign a release =)  Everyone is invited to come and represent Team David!

Mood ~ Extremely Grateful

Just handed off all of David's old Car's decor to the neighbor... With tears in here eye's she thanked me as her son grabbed everything and ran in the house.  It feels so amazing to be in a place where I can pay it forward.  Thank you so very much to everyone who has made that possible!

Our Experience with a Service Dog Went Amazing!

The dog in the picture would not be David's dog, they just brought Evan to see how David would react. If we get a dog it would be a puppy that would start training now, specifically for David and his needs. For a dog that can do both seizure alert and wheelchair assistance it cost approximately 18,000.00 which must be paid before we even enter boot camp. I have sale a lot of stuff and do some major fundraising to do, to make this happen!

  

        

 I was a little discouraged about the price, but then a friend reminded me...

"its a lot, but how much would a live in aid cost, or a care home placement cost for a year? in perspective, the dog will cost less, and provide him with a sense of independence, not to mention, companionship and love from a furry friend!"

He who started will be Faithful to complete in you!

God is sooo Good and to him be all the glory for the numerous miracles he is completing in our lives!

David is back to his toilet tricks!  I know I longed for those days back, but I am over it. Lol Note to David from mommy… Enough already we need the only functioning toilet to work, at least until the Home Makeover =)  


At 3:00 today we will be meeting with http://www.azgoldensllc.com/ about getting a service dog for David.  Between that and our new home we will be one step closer to giving David more independence.  I love my cuddle bug, but he can’t sleep with mommy forever!  Being able to put him in his own room (which will be built next week) and know he is safe will be amazing. 

Calling All Volunteers

The Producer of Homergency, Erin has asked me to forward this information to local family, friends, and businesses who might be interested in helping by volunteering their time and/or services.  If have a talent and/or skill and would like to be part of our Homergency makeover please contact Erin Frisbie.  The renovation begins on the 7th and the house will be the completed on May 11th.   If you or your company would like to be part of our episode please contact Erin as soon as possible.

If you can help with anything, anytime during those 5 days, your assistance would be greatly appreciated.  


Feel free to forward this information to anyone you know who might be interested.


To see what they did last season you can click on the following link:
http://www.sheknows.com/sheknowstv/homergency/season-2


Erin ~ Producer at SheKnows TV
erin.frisbie@sheknows.com | c. 480.516.9550 | o. 480.237.7100 ext. 4115 | f. 480.237.7103

Lesson Learned God...

The Producer and Contractor for Homergency  just left and I am beyond excited!!!  


For a long time I wondered if God had forgotten about me… I wondered why he wasn’t saving me when I faithfully believed in his power and ability to do so…  I have since realized that he needed me to let go and surrender all control to him, before he could step in and save the day!  


Once I did he was right their to pick up the piece.  He has given me so much more than I could have even imagined asking for.  Such a valuable lesson =) 

In Loving Memory of Emily Alexis Rose Evans 10/16/03 ~ 04/16/12

The World lost a Beautiful Soul… but Heaven Gained an Angel with Amazing Wings! 

Our hearts go out the Evans Family!  God Bless you ~ Prayers and Hugs XOXOXO

Save the Date… May 19th ~ You are Cordially Invited to David’s Miracle Celebration

It is official the location time, and date are all secured. Save the Date… 

May 19th

 ~ You are Cordially Invited to David’s Miracle Celebration ~ 

If ever in my life there was a time or something to celebrate it is this, now!  To all our faithful followers please join us on May 19, 2012 in a Celebration of David's life! Come meet the Miracle himself and hear his story.  

A friend of mine reminded me today that there is always a rainbow after the storm.

Never fails, when I finally lay my burdens at Gods feet, he always picks them up. 


If you read my previous post I have openly expressed that I have been overwhelmed with a accumulation of challenges put in our way.  One of the major challenges was the condition of our home.  Our house was built in 1951, and has required more maintenance than I have had the money or energy to manage.  


Our house is not wheelchair accessible so I am forced to lift/carry David (who weighs 85lbs) around the house.  The main restroom is currently out of order,  we have termites, mold, damage from several leaks, the roof in David’s room caving in, and those are just a few of the many current issues in our home.  I am no longer able to keep up with the maintenance our home needs (not emotionally, physically, or financially), but we do not qualify for a new home on my income alone.  


While David was in the Hospital a local organization (Helping Hands for Single Moms) nominated David and I for a home makeover.  I did not want to get my hopes up so although, I appreciated the gesture I never considered the makeover becoming a reality.  


Today at exactly 10:30am I got a phone call that has begun the process of changing our lives.  David and I have been selected to be featured on the upcoming season of Homergency.  Filming will begin on May 4th and the Final Reveal of our new home will be on May 11th 2012.  Again God had provided and given us another chance at a better life.  


Here's a link to last seasons show:
http://www.sheknows.com/sheknowstv/homergency/season-2


We will be receiving a home makeover that will be life changing for us in many ways!  More than anything it will provide David the opportunity to become more independent.  David is my world and my heart will never give up on him, but I have feared the day that caring for him becomes too difficult for my body to handle in our current living situation. Those fears are now gone!

People say you should never bargain with God…

People say you should never with bargain God… which is what I did when doctors told me David was loosing the battle for his life.  On my knees I desperately begged God to spare David’s life and told him he could take anything and everything  from me.  


He spared my son and in the process heal my very wounded broken heart, for that I am forever grateful, but since we have been home everything else in my life has been falling apart. 

I am trying to remain positive and remind myself daily that God is my provider and strength, but it seems like everyday is getting more and more difficult.   Since we pulled through all of our medical issues my car has broke down, been hit in the parking lot of my school,  one of the toilets in my bathroom broke, I broke a tooth, I found out I failed my Arizona Education Proficiency Assessment (AEPA) and in addition I am having to fight with insurance companies/medical providers on a daily basis.  


I am eternally grateful for all of the Miracles and Wonder’s in our lives.  The people God has sent us, the donations, encouragement, support, and the opportunity to share our story, but  the chaos and obstacles we are facing in everyday life  needs to reside so that I can become stronger!    


Today, I am choosing to look up and push forward!  It has not been an easy choice, but I know God is my rock and at moments like these when I feel I can go no further or endure anymore, he always somehow gently reminds me that “He’s got this all under control”.


Satin the more you push me and try and distract me from what God has done, the more God will show me and the world what he can do!  I just need to focus on the things I can change,  get over myself, and let God handle everything else. 

Scripture for the day...

A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom. ~ New International Version


1 O Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!


2 Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him.” 


3 But you are a shield around me, O Lord;
you bestow glory on me and liftb up my head.


4 To the Lord I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill. 


5 I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.


6 I will not fear the tens of thousands
drawn up against me on every side.


7 Arise, O Lord!
Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.


8 From the Lord comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people. ~ Psalm 3:3-8


I Love this scripture it helps me remember that God is is my EVERYTHING (shield, protector, provider, deliver, ect...).   The one and only part it didn't appreciate was verse 7, about the "break the teeth of the wicked"!  lol

What an amazing perspective David and our experiences has allowed me to gain...

Although having a child who suffers from a "life threatening" illness is an emotional ride most of us would have never volunteer to get on, it is a ride that we are forced to ride just the same, so all we can do it buckle up and try and be prepared! 


That being said, it also gives parents of these extraordinary children an opportunity to appreciate life in a way that most others will never even be able to comprehend. 
I myself have learned to appreciate every diaper I change, runny nose I clean, and mess I have to clean up! 


Today I remind myself and all the other special parents out their to stay strong! Although, our stories may seem heartbreaking to some they are also heart changing to others as well!

Anyone know of a good/affordable dentist???

My tooth fell out during lunch today =(   It is just a stinking tooth right?  Why am I so upset? It just seems like an additional thing to worry about dealing with when I am barley coping with what is already on my plate.  I can’t contain my tears, life seems impossible right now. 

I know I shouldn’t be complaining when David is healthy. God has already done so very much for us that a dental issue seems irrelevant… but right now missing a tooth and having a tooth ache is not allowing me to think rationally. 

I called Human Resources (HR) hoping to find out about my dental package, only to find out that I don’t have any medical coverage at all.  My window of opportunity to enroll was 30 days after I was hired which was right when David got sick.  I obviously didn’t pay attention to that window of opportunity, so now if I opt to get health insurance through the district I will have to wait to enroll for next year. 

Surprisingly, I also don’t have personal time or sick days available to even get it fixed if I had coverage or the money to do so.  I sure hope that I can stay healthy while toothless and trying to deal with all this stress…

I am feeling very overwhelmed with the many challenges I am facing at the moment.  Tomorrows is a new day and maybe then I will be able to handle life a little better, but at the moment I am trying to get through the rest of my day without another emotional melt down.