Last night we had the opportunity to finally meet our new Service Dog ~ Her name is Cadance and she is beautiful!  David and her had an immediate connection and they have already developed a couple of precious games with each other!  Boot camp is and will be intense and will keep me very busy for the next few weeks, but it is a very small price to pay considering that this amazing gift is a Dream Come True for David and I!!!

I just got of the phone with Brian the owner of Arizona Goldens,  I still don’t know what dog we are getting because it is a surprise, but we are officially beginning boot camp tomorrow evening.  This means that for the first time in 15 years David will be able to sleep safely in his own bed.  

Brian said they recently took our dog to an event for children with a variety of special needs so that they could expose the dog to various medical conditions and see how she interacted.  He said that the dog immediately showed interested in particular children, but all of their special needs were very different.  After speaking to the parents of the children the dog took to, he discovered that although the children all suffered from different disabilities the one characteristic they shared was epilepsy.   This is very comforting news. 

I wanted to again than SheKnows for all of the amazing things they have done for our family.  Life is so very different for us now and Thank You just doesn't seem to be enough!!!   I also wanted to thank our church. the River of Life who  took a love offering for David and I last Sunday.  As a result, we were able to collect enough money to purchase a home surveillance system.  Tomorrow morning we are having surveillance cameras installed throughout our house so that David can be monitored (for his safety) as we get adjusted to his new found independence. 

I am so very excited about this step in our lives.  Although,  I must admit that letting go of some of the customs that David and I are so use to is still a little scary.  Lately I have been working long hours and it seems as if the only time David and I get to bond and cuddle is bed time.  Him and I both having our independence is long overdue, but not having an excuse to keep him in my bed is giving mommy a little separation anxiety.

I guess that means it is time for us to create new customs and traditions in our NEW LIFE =)

Sometimes it is hard not to wonder if God hears my cries.  When I finally take the time to slow down and listen he reminds me that not only does he hear me... he answers ;)

Lord You Are MORE Than Enough!!!

As get in my car to drive home from work I feel a knot welling in my throat.  The minute I start the car I can no longer contain my tears, like a faucet the tears begin streaming down my cheeks and I can help but to think to myself:

“Sometimes I don't feel strong enough, I don't feel brave enough, sometimes I just don't feel like enough!!! “

I turn on K-LOVE and begin my drive home and the first song that comes on is More Than Amazing by Lincoln Brewster

You're the One who walked on water
And You calmed the raging seas
You command the highest mountains 
To fall upon their knees
You're the One who welcomed sinners
And You opened blinded eyes
You restored the brokenhearted
And You brought the dead to life

Forgetting all our sins
You remember all Your promises

(Chorus)
You are amazing
More than amazing 
Forever our God 
You're more than enough 
You are amazing

                                                                                                                                      

I quickly realized that I don’t need to be enough because my Lord is more than enough.  In that moment God reassured me that he is and always will be more than enough!

I can’t help but to feel so defeated at times. 

Whatever it is I am going through is very uncomfortable.  I have spent my entire adult live chasing my goals and now that I have reached most of them I am struggling with what is next.  I am the type of person who has my entire life planned out.  My plans haven’t worked out too well so letting God determine what’s next is a great thing, but very distressing for me.  I feel so lost, my future seems so uncertain. 

I do realizes that sometimes being lost is the only place I can be, that allows God to find me and me find him.  I know that it has been on my knees that I have received the most healing and my life has been the most transformed.  I am at a place of complete surrender.  On my knees is where I will stay while I allow God to determine what is next for us.  

Food for thought...

heal·ing

  

adjective

1.

curing or curative; prescribed or helping to heal.

2.

growing sound; getting well; mending.

I have had people ask me how I could remain so  faithful in God when even after years of prayers and faith David still struggles with many medical challenges.  David may or may not ever walk, but maybe David's healing isn't  about David's medical condition changing. 

Through David and his "disabilities" the broken little girl inside of me has been made whole, my father who didn't believe in the same God we do found Jesus before he died, and through David's smile hundreds if not thousands of people  around the world have been inspired and encourage through watching his journey. 

So yes, David still has the same medical conditions he was born with 15 years ago. His diagnosis may never change, but just maybe his healing isn't about changing the circumstance we have been given.  What if it's choosing to  let God heal hundreds of hearts and souls with his story is what our journey is about?

Healing is not defined as  something being removed it is defined as mending or growing sound, which has definitely happened in our lives and the lives of those around us through our experiences caused by David's condition.  

On Sunday  I laid in bed all day, being lazy watching a Touched By An Angel marathon.  I couldn't help but to feel blessed that my life has been touched by a real angel... David you inspire me and enrich the lives of everyone around you! I feel honored that I've been chosen by God to be the mother of such a precious gift ;)

This past Sunday my Pastor gave a sermon about scars, their significance, and what they represent. 

He referenced John 20:20

"When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord." 

He spoke on how it was the scars that Jesus bared in his hands, feet, and side that made him identifiable to his people.  Once they were able to see the scars the people could confirm that it was indeed Jesus Christ resurrected.

My scars run deep, but they do however verify that I love a real and loving God because as my pastor stated "if you have scars you are still alive" which is the true testament of the ordeal that caused the scar in the first place. 

In September of 2006 I was given an assignment in a reflective writing class to write about a physical scar and its correspondence to an internal scar.

This was my entry:

“His little head carries many scars.  Twenty seven to be exact.  Each one represents a difficult moment in our lives.  A challenge which left emotional scars much deeper than the visual scars seen on his head.  A reminder that 27 times doctors entered his little brain and all 27 times mommy waited and prayed, cried, and prayed some more.  His scars are a constant reminder that any day could be time for 28.”

Now David's scars total 31 and I no longer see them as a reminder of what is to come, I allow them to remind us of how much we have already overcome.   I am learning to embrace our scars for they only represent dark times in our lives if I allow them too.  My God is real and David's scars are proof that miracles happen.

  

Our scars tell a story of strength, faith, hope, endurance, and a God beyond measure.  Will you allow your scars to testify the same story????

Enjoying their first date watching ~ The Odd Life of Timothy Green ~

It can be difficult watching everyone else’s children do things and have experiences you long for your child to enjoy. Today I got to feel somewhat "normal" in our own special way ;)

Check out a recent article on our story.

Helping Hands for Single Moms is a local nonprofit that provides scholarships and support to single mothers in college.  They have been very instrumental in our success.  They recently featured our story in their newsletter.

An incredible story of a mother's persistent love! 

http://conta.cc/N0FJWP

I'd be lying if I denied the fact that me being single without more kids and a complete family at 33 sometimes made me question what might possibly be wrong with me.  

I'm educated, ambitious, have standards and values, and take pride in my parenting.  I have settled in the past and now realize that despite my flaws I'm worth waiting for a man who can offer me the same.  

The lesson I am learning is.., being single is not about being rejected or not good enough, it's about God protecting me from duplicating the mistakes of my past!  

David and I deserve all that we are willing to offer and I'm at a point in my life where I'm content with waiting for just that!

I was recently asked to define Hope and what it meant to my family...

“H.O.P.E. Heaven Opening People’s Eyes, I believe if we could only see life through the eyes of heaven, our journeys might not be as challenging. Hope is what gets you out of bed when life seems to difficult o face another day. Hope is why we do all that we do for our kids. Hope is what makes you smile even when your soul is crying. HOPE is often times the only lifeline we have to persevere. I fight this fight because I hope my son knows how much I love him. I wake up every day HOPING the world will see how much God blesses us daily, and when life seems too challenging to even think that hard, I go to bed HOPING tomorrow is better!”

A Special Thank you to Hopekids & Whispering Hope Ranch for and amazing and much needed getaway!!!

Sometimes I find myself struggling with the loss of what David "doesn't have".  As he gets older the things he might not ever have the opportunity to do become more apparent.  This weekend I realized that some children are born with brains that can't drain their own fluid, legs that don't work, kidneys that might not function properly, ect...

 

We may not ever understand why, but I do truly believe that for what those kids may not have on this earth, God gives them all an amazing pair of wings!  We are blessed with Angels!!!

It has been a while since our last update...

Life might be hectic and overwhelming at times, but I thank God for all the amazing supporters, blessings, and opportunities he's given me despite my circumstance!

Our Homergency ~ Campuzano Family

OK get your Kleenex ready, the link is live:

http://www.sheknows.com/sheknowstv/homergency/season-3/part-1-meet-the-compuzanos

Thank you will never be enough, but THANK YOU to everyone who was part of making this happen! It has been life changing and has given David and I an opportunity to have a new start we had needed =)  God is so faithful and has proven that sometimes all he needs is for us to lay our burdens down, so that he can pick them up!

6/05/12

I got a job offer for ACCEL ~ ACCEL (Arizona Centers for Comprehensive Education and Life Skills) is a private, nonprofit organization for children with special needs, ages 5-22, and adults 18 and over. Life is beginning to look up and I am trying to focus on my relationship with God to pull myself out of the rut I have been in.

I know how truly blessed I have been, but life still hurts from time to time and I just need a little time to re-cooperate. I am back =) and excited to see what God has instore for us!

Our Homergency episode will go live tomorrow and I will be sure to post the link as soon as it is up! Thank you everyone who has been so very supportive of us while I have tried to find myself.

6/06/12

Off to the hospital =( David has been under the weather for the last 24 hours, he has had diarrhea and has not wanted to get out of bed. I was cleaning the carpet where he had had an accident and went to get a towel. When I got back he was chugging the carpet cleaner! Say a prayer for us, Poison Control has recommended we go to the hospital.

David is doing much better! Still a little under the weather, but recovering. Maybe those chemicals killed his virus ;)

6/07/12

Mommy on the other hand is struggling… Just him getting sick puts me on an emotional roller coaster. I have flash backs of taking him to the ER and then being told he might not ever return home. I don’t want to live in fear and I am trying to let God heal me right now, but where it stands I am still very scared.

I am putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward, but with all the recent changes in my life I am struggling with the transition. There is no doubt that the life ahead of us is much more promising than the life we are letting go of, but letting go is still challenging.

Today I will sign my contract with ACCEL and tomorrow David and I are of to spend some much needed QT with my Big Bro and his family (who always makes me feel better). God is in control, life hurts, but I still know I am blessed beyond measure and even some of the things that hurt right now are blessings in disguise. God only removes people in things when he wants to replace them with better.

I feel so cheated...

I know many people have been concerned about me.  I have not felt like I could face the world so I have isolated myself in an attempted to rely on God to help me figure things out.  Many of you are wondering if I am OK and the truth is I am not, but I will be!

For those of you who don't know I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  I have experienced several traumatic events in my life which have made it intensify my situations when traumas occur.  Recently I have been struggling with transition in my life.  I know God is in the mist of the changes occurring, but change and goodbyes are still very difficult for me to process, no matter how necessary they may be.

In addition, to David's near death experience I have also been dealing with our realities.  I love my son for who he is, but that does not change the fact that at times my heart aches for who he can  never be.  I would never trade David's amazing spirits for legs that would work, but as his mother it still hurts to watch other kids run.  Watching my child struggle to move and/or breath while most of the world takes forgranted of those blessings. I don't know why we where chosen for this life, I just have to trust that God is in control and knows what he is doing.  I have been doing this alone since I was 16, and I am tired, lonely, and trying to figure out my place in all this.  I have to keeping on pushing forward no matter how tired I become because my little man needs and deserves a healthy mommy.

As a teacher my job is to teach children things like their ABC's which I can't do for my own child.  From time to time that reality sinks in and is very hard to swallow.  Life hurts right now!!!  My chest feels like it is caving in, and facing everyday takes all that I have and then some.

Life is not fair, this we all know and I will get over it, but it is a process I am struggling with right now.  Do I know God is real and with me, without a shadow of a doubt.  That being said... it still hurts.

Please understand that I know God is working in our lives.  I know that I have been blessed to have the opportunity to watch God complete a miracle in my home, my son's life, and now I believe he is making me deal with the many deep rooted issues in my life so he can restore my heart.  A very painful process that will be worth it in the end.

I want everyone who has supported us to know that I appreciate you all, I could not face these obstacles without your embrace.  For those who have complicated this journey, used us, betrayed or hurt us, (intentionally or not) I forgive you, but it is time I take control of my life back.  I must look forward and never look back.  I have to seek the Lord now and can't afford distractions, but we will be back to share our story and smiles again soon! =)

I have learned so very much in the last few months... I have learned how very painful the truth is and that it is when times get rough that you realize that the people you thought were on your team are not and that people you didn't think were their have been silently cheering you on all along!

I have so much to be thankful for so I am going to chalk this up to a lesson learned and thank God that he has removed those people from David and my life so that we can embrace all the amazing friends he has blessed us with.  The genuine and sincere people in our lives.

I am just feeling so very broken! I know that is the best time for God to come in and mend my pieces... it just doesn't make it hurt  any less for the time being! =(

Life might come with disappointment and challenges, but at the end of the day I can always celebrate the fact that God blessed me with a beautiful little boy. One whose smile brightens my life. I love David more than life itself and on days that pushing forward seems impossible I look into David's eyes and know ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

For the last few weeks I have felt blessed beyond measure.  I can’t seem to find the words to articulate how extremely grateful we are.  Last Sunday the pastors wife shared a testimony which really summed it up quite perfectly.

“God is always with us” she proclaimed.  She shared about a time in her life, in which she felt down.  She explained how she struggled with the idea that God was with us in those moments we feel so alone.  She spoke about how hard it was for her to see God in the midst of her miscarriage.   She knew he did not cause her to miscarry, but questioned where God was in the midst of her pain and grief.

She than explained that God spoke to her showing her that even though it felt as if he was not their he was indeed by her side.  On the days that followed many friend and members of her church congregation supported them.  When she was unable to clean her house God sent women from the church to volunteer.  On the days that getting out of bed and cooking meals where tasks to intense, he sent members of the church with dinner, “that is how you could see me and my presence in the midst of your pain”. 

That is how I feel.  For many years I struggled to see God in my life, situation, and even heart at times.  I felt so lost, abandoned, and neglected.   My perspective has changed and when I wonder where God is, I see him in the College and High school soccer teams washing cars on weekends to help me with David’s medical expense, I see God in our new friends who our fundraising for us all the way from KS, and his presence is present in the contractors and volunteers putting our new house together!  God is with us always, continuously working in our lives!  He has always been there, but sometimes he comes in packages we might not expect.  

Thank you God, for sending all the amazing people you have, who were willing to be a vessel and  part of changing our lives.  You have all been God hands and feet embracing us when we needed God's warm embrace.   David and I are now in an amazing place because of it. 

Only 3 more hours until I get the best Mother’s day gift in the world.  The ability to see my son in the home he needs and deserves!

Tomorrow is the beginning of our new beginning! It is very surreal for me!

Besides the new house... I have a new found faith and hope in our savior which I had lost for some time.  I knew that God was real and capable of saving lives, I just didn't know he loved me enough to do it for us.  


We have struggled for sometime now and in the mist of me trying to save the world felt abandoned by God.  I couldn't understand why with all his power and my faith he hadn't saved us.  


He had thousands of years ago, but my need to be in control had interfered with his plans.  In a desperate state I surrendered everything to him and within two months he restored my heart, my soul, my house, my son... and it goes on!


I know that I know that he is real and loves me and that feeling has aloud me to love myself and embrace my situation.  Thank You Jesus and everyone else who has aloud him to use you to touch our lives.