Travel itinerary, confirmation numbers, diapers, wipes, passports, meds, letter of health for the dog, warm weather clothes, cold weather clothes, dog food, snacks for the plane ride, camera, computer, phone, and chargers for all of the above!  This vacation was intended to be a much needed relaxing getaway, but I have spent the last two days preparing for it, overwhelmed and in tears. 

Everything just seems like so much work and I don't know if I'm up for the challenge at this point.   I'm am just plain and simply tired! I sure hope I can pull myself out of this funk because the whole purpose of this Florida getaway was making beautiful memories with my amazing little man. 

  I sure hope that landing in Florida will be enough to turn this frown upside down!

Today is just one of those days that I resent having to struggle with the wheelchair everyday, today is one of those days that not having a husband or partner to help seems so unfair! Today I'm struggling with understanding God's plans for us and wishing life was just a little bit easier. It's just one of those days I wish I could whine to my father about all the silly little things I'm stressing over that really don't matter, so that everything could feel better!

This picture was taken during our 2006 Holiday drive. It was my father's last Christmas alive.

       He dressed up as Santa Clause and we surprised several single parent families with bags full of Christmas Gifts on Christmas Eve. He was the skinniest Santa I have ever seen, but boy did he love being able to hand out gifts and put smiles on those families faces. I SURE DO MISS HIM AND ALL THE TIMES WE USE TO SHARE!!!!

I miss dad everyday, but for some reason today the pain of his absence has felt unbearable. Maybe because this last week I shared stories about him and his famous fudge with my students. I explained to them how for dad his fudge was the way he shared his love! As a class we then made our own batch of fudge to share with each other and our friends at school. It has made me really miss him.

After I posted this picture on Facebook, I began cleaning out my shed and randomly found a  journal of his and one of  his favorite hats. It could be coincidence, but I am choosing to believe that it was him letting us know he is still with us in spirit.

7:42pm Update

David has been extremely shaky & lethargic since we left the zoo so after another vomiting spell I decide to take to the ER if for nothing else my peace of mind! The good news is he has no fever, he is still smiling, and he's quite amused and giggling at all the hospital sounds. It looks like it might just be the flu. I am probably just being paranoid since our last experience but I rather be safe than sorry. Please say a prayer us.

1:41am Update

Well at least the zoo wasn't our only quick trip this evening. After less than five hours in the ER and we are being discharged and heading home. David is dehydrated and has some sort of bug but other than that all he needs is a little TLC.

All I can think of is crawling into my bed under warm overs and catching a few hours of sleep before I have to get up for work and then I remember.... David vomited all over my bed and all of my bedding before I decided to bring him in. "Sigh" now to finish laundry and find a set of sheets.

At least my little mans OK!

5:43am Update

We got home a little after 2:00am and after some Zofran David was able to keep down some pedialyte.  He is fast asleep and I sure wish I could join him.  I am up and on my way to work.  I can barely open my eyes and my first stop is for a 24oz coffee.  Thank God for weekends and sleep!

I still not too sure how I went from being extremely excited about the Starlight Foundations annual Christmas event at Zoolights to having a meltdown while sitting in my car crying hysterically in a matter of 30 minutes!   We wait all year for the Starlight Foundation's Christmas event which is phenomenal. After a stressful month I was really looking forward to some much-needed QT with my Dayday!   Once we got into the zoo we entered a lavishly decorated hall with a Wizard of Oz theme.  There were decorations, Christmas carolers the whole nine yards.  We had just got seated  to enjoy our meals & no more than five minutes in  I realize David is acting a little funny.  I leaned over to check on him and right at that moment he projectile vomited all over himself, me, my purse, and the dinner table.  

Needless to say we left the event, both covered in vomit doing the walk of shame.  As we get around the corner David says "mom why you crying?" and all I could say is "really David".   I'll probably laugh about this tomorrow but right now I'm completely stressed out and overwhelmed! It's been a long day, long week, long month and all I wanted to do is finally enjoy a Holiday event with the love of my  life. 

To be honest,  I think what has me so upset  is the thought that whatever David might have might require a trip to the ER or Hospital.  I know it is silly, but even the thought of going to the hospital gives me great anxiety.  All I can think about is that the last time David went to the hospital he almost did not make it back home.  I love my life, it has made us who we are, I would not change things for the world, but sometimes I wish we could be “normal” just for the Holidays. 

CHRISTmas is only 13 days a way and I am trying to remain positive and focus on what this season is all about, but I have been thrown some curve balls this month.  My dental work has taken much longer and cost much more than I had anticipated spending this month.  I am having a real hard time recovering from my surgery (dental implant) and I have been in constant pain for the last five days.  I am swollen, uncomfortable  and I can't eat!!!!  That makes for one grumpy me.  

In addition to my dental fiasco, my mechanic just informed me that I need almost $500.00 worth of work to my vehicle.  When it rains it pours!!!  Well I guess I will be unpacking my rain boots and umbrella and preparing to weather this storm because after the rain comes a RAINBOW!

I am excited to move past 2012 and into 2013 where I know God has many more blessings in-store for David and I.  With so many positive changes in our lives and having let go of some unnecessary baggage this last year David and I are finally prepared to enter this new year off fresh...  2013 HERE WE COME!!!

 I've been struggling a little lately. Not about anything big just a whole bunch of little things.  I've been missing my dad, worried about David getting sick, buried at work, trying to prepare for the holidays, keeping the house work kept up, managing the finances, Finding time and money to get my dental work completed, and somehow finding time for family and friends which is what the holidays are all about!  I have been just a little overwhelmed with life in general.

Last week, I had five minutes of downtime so I stopped at Subway for lunch.   Everything I still needed to get done started racing through my head.   As I went to enter the restaurant  I noticed a little old man in a wheelchair sitting outside the subway entrance.   As I entered he asked me if I could do him a favor and open the door so that he could go in and eat.  This particular subway didn't have a handicap button so he was unable to open the door and get in on his own.  I open the door for him and gave him an inviting smile.   He began to joke with me about how hungry he was and that while he was sitting out there  his stomach was growling at him.

As I was ordering  my sub I felt compelled to pay for this precious mans lunch as well, so I purchase a gift card.  I instructed the cashier to hand it to the man to pay for his meal but, only after I left the building. 

For that moment all of my problems and everything I had been worried about seemed so insignificant.  This man was not frustrated or angry as he patiently waited  for someone to help him.  His attitude reminded me to slow down and appreciate the little things we so often take for granted.  Buying his lunch was just a small gesture to thank him for sharing his smile with me. 

I know what it's like to have device intended to provide you more freedom also act as a barrier.  David and I have lived with a wheelchair attached to our lives.  I also know what it's like to be be stuck outside watching from a window or the side lines, and I know how out-of-control it feels when no matter how hard you try there's just some things you can't do by yourself.   I truly know because I live that life with my son.  Although, I didn't want this precious man to know that it was me who blessed him with his lunch, part of me wanted to squeeze him and let him know how much he had blessed me.  I wanted to let him know how courageous he was and how special his smile is!

I am going to make an conscious effort to focus on those around me, I will enjoy smiles and share mine!   When I get overwhelmed I will remind myself  that my too do list, although important, is not worth my joy!

Random acts of kindness really do make a difference!

I have had a tough couple of weeks at work and my days have been long and intense.   When I get home I am so exhausted that caring for David is the only energy I can muster up.  My household chores including yard work have been far too overwhelming for me to even think about!

Today some neighbors I have never met before came over.  It was a husband and wife and the wife explained that her husband was a landscaper and wanted to work on my yard.  I thought they were trying to sale his services so I asked for a quote and they replied  “we just want to help you”. 

Since the home remodel I have taken great pride in our new home and have gone out and pulled weeds every weekend, but now that I am juggling the dog and extra hours at work I have been slacking and feeling very guilty about it.  Only God knew how overwhelmed I was feeling and he sent help.  Thank you God and random neighbors who care.  That is one less thing for me to worry about this week ;)

I can't deny the fact that I am the psycho mom who still sends her 16-year-old to school with cupcakes and prize bags for his birthday!  Oh and guess what... He  slept with me last night so that I could wake him up singing Happy Birthday to him ;)

What can I say he is officially a typical 16 year old...

16 years ago today, God blessed me with a beautiful miracle that would forever change my life. For the last 16 years David has blessed this world with his smile and taught grown adults what it means to be courageous. HAPPY BIRTHDAY My Love... Mommy loves you with all her heart!!!

Thank you God for the opportunity to share another year with my Dayday!

Mommies having a real hard time dealing with the fact that her one and only 

baby boy will be 16 tomorrow!                   

I also am blessed knowing that for the last 16 years, each and every year 

has been filled with miracles and  blessings beyond measure.  ;)     

Today marks 9 months since David got sick and on Tuesday my Dayday will be 16 on Tuesday. 

  As the days draw closer, I find myself more and more emotional!  Partly because my baby boy is not such a baby anymore and also because after almost loosing him 9 months ago, I know what a miracle having the opportunity to celebrate his birthday this year is! 

I can't imagine my life without David and everyday I thank God for giving me my own  little perfect angel to help me through this journey.

Day 18: I am thankful that our God is greater! 

As cold and flu season roll around the trauma of David and my experiences last February haunt me.

I vividly remember those long sleepless nights and the doctors telling me that there was no way my son could survive.  

The virus had taken over, his organs were shutting down, he had been non-responsive, and he could no longer breath on his own.  David was on  100% life-support and quickly deteriorating.   There was nothing more the doctors or  the machines could do for him. 

I also remember dragging myself to church on no sleep and throwing myself at the altar, heartbroken I begged God for a miracle.   

And then...  I remember David opening his eyes and showing the world how Great our God is!!!

Day 15: I am thankful that my son’s joy shines through him everyday.  

The bus driver just told me that he is the happiest kid on the bus.  David smiles from 6:10 till 8:00 (then entire hour and 50 minute ride).  Then he continues to smile for the duration of the day ;)  It truly is his smile that keeps me going!

Day 13: I am thankful that this Holiday season I will not have the burden of worrying about how I will provide for my son for Christmas. 

 This year I have decided to sponsor a single parent family for Christmas. The organization that I am adopting the family through is a local nonprofit that has helped David and I immensely. They made sure we had a Christmas while I was unemployed and attending college.

It feels amazing to be on the other end of the Christmas drive this year. I would have never been able to educate myself and offer David the stability and life he deserve without everyone’s love and support and amazing organizations like Helping Hands. 

I would love to be able to adopt even more families, but I cannot do it alone. If you are not already committed to a Christmas drive and would like to be part of something amazing please let me know and I can forward you this family’s wish list. 

 Even if you are unable to help me in my efforts, remember that CHRISTmas is about sharing Christ’s love so I challenge you all to do it in any way you can!

Never fails that when I begin to get tired and/or weary  I receive a random message or call (sometimes from random strangers)  from people who want to share with us how my son, his smile, or our story has impacted their lives or that they care.   It always comes as a gentle reminder of what our journey is about.   It is about pushing forward, overcoming, and allowing our journey to testifying how faithful our God is and how strong we can be when we choose to fully rely on him for our strength. 

Sometimes it’s as simple as someone taking a few moments to share a few kind words, that helps me step back and put everything in perspective.  So to each and everyone one of you who have taken the time to encourage us throughout this journey just KNOW that you have made a difference. 

Take the time to encourage others whether you know them or not.  Life can be challenging and in the mist of those challenges it is easy for our human nature to become defeated.   Sometimes a simple reminder, whatever that may be, is all someone might need to muster the courage necessary to continue on!  You never know what a significant impact those few words of encouragement might have on somebody's journey… so share them! 

For myself,  I find that I often get caught up in “the challenges of life”  and quickly become  exhausted.I know things eventually always slow down and I always manage to pull through,  but in the meanwhile I sometimes need to be reminded of what our journey is about... Love, Courage, Hope, Faith, Grace!

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world"

In Loving Memory of Mylee ~ Thank you Hopekids for all that you do!

Today we participated in the 4^th annual Hope Walk which benefits Hopekids.

A note from Mylee’s mother Sara…

The Legend of the Backward Princess

Once upon a time, there was a princess who did everything backward.When she was supposed to be born, she almost died. But she lived, and everyone was happy.

But when she was supposed to swallow her food down, she threw it up, instead. 

When she was supposed to walk, her legs wouldn't work right. And when she was supposed to sing, as princesses do, she struggled to make words.

The King and Queen and the whole kingdom loved their Backward Princess very much, but sometimes they just didn’t know what to do for her.

They visited royal doctors. They tried magic spells and potions and sometimes, the Backward Princess would surprise them.

With her sunshine smiles, her wiggles & giggles, her dances with her mommy, and the times she could say, “I love you, daddy” she would fill the kingdom with hope.

A new princess joined the family, and she zoomed forward and loved her princess sister.

Together, the royal family filled the kingdom with their brave journeys, their love & smiles, and really awesome facebook pix.

The Queen herself went on a quest to cure the Backward Princess.  She braved the dark forest of doubt and fear, she battled the deadly swamp monsters of health care, she learned from the sages, and through it all the King protected them when they needed it, and sent the Queen a margarita when she needed that.

But nothing they tried could change the destiny of the Backward Princess and before you knew it, it was her time to pass on.  But she did that backwards, too.

She didn’t die from a magic spell or a dragon battle or a poisoned charm in fact, she hardly died at all.

Her backward story–and don’t forget those facebook posts–touched life after life after life . . . she just kept living in the hearts of the King and the Queen and her princess sister, and then her story grew beyond that, and she was celebrated all throughout the kingdom . . .

The Backward Princess taught many people how to live and love and embrace their lives and grow forward and her spirit will soar free, forever.

In Memory of Mylee, please donate to this wonderful organization.  We continue to give praise, to fight hard, and to have 24:07:HOPE... Give to Hopekids Arizona!! ♥  http://www.hopekids.org/ .   

We did it!!!!

 

David, Cadance, and I are celebrating the completion of boot camp! 

       We just past our final/practical. I can officially add Service 

                                Dog Handler to my resume ;)  

I'm a real person and there are times throughout this journey that I get exhausted, overwhelmed, and even feel defeated. Even when my human nature causes me to stumble or fall I know I will ALWAYS get back up!!! I was born a fighter and I will die a fighter and when I can't find the fight within myself I look at my beautiful little man David who is a perfect example of what courage in facing the world is all about. God is amazing and faithful & when I can't do it myself God always remind me that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me!