It's been so crazy watching my one and only little one grow up! The other day I caught myself getting so excited that he had a boo-boo that mommy could tend to. I cleaned it up , put Neosporin on it, and then finish the job with a Captain America Band-Aid.  It was humbling to have the opportunity to that  nurture him and I enjoyed the fact  that he still needs me for things.  I see how our relationship is changing and I know I need to start figuring out how I'm going to take care of and be the mother of a little man.  I'm still trying to figure things out but I sure do treasure those moments where I can baby him. Do all parents have to go to this?

Let’s be real…

With all my friends having big moments here lately I feel like I've been lost, wondering what's next for David and I.  I wonder when we will have the opportunity to live our own dreams, instead of being happy for those around us. I am extremely happy for those that I love, but I must be honest with myself and there is a part of me that feels like we are being left behind.   When I use to imagine my life, never did I think that at 34 I would be single with only one child?  My plan was to have been rescued by a knight in shining armor, have 10+ little ones running around the house, and a white picket fence to top the cake. 

I often wonder if I have become complacent.  I wonder if David and I will ever get to live our own dreams out or if our excitement will be watching everybody else live them.  I have tried to transfer my undying faith in God to my thoughts in this area of my life, as it has gotten us through every other challenge we have endured, but often my demons convince me that still being alone is a reflection of my value.  As those thoughts start to consume me I am quickly reminded that the devil is a LIAR.    

Subtly God allows me to reflect on our journey from another perspective.  Although, I am unmarried with only one child I have been entrusted with an angel.  I am educated, ambitious, and God has granted me the strength to achieve things in my lifetime that most people do not have the opportunity to do in 60 years, with a partner, and/or healthy children. 

With everything in perspective I begin to reflect on our journey through God’s eyes.  I quickly realize that although I might not yet be where I planned to be at this point in my life, I am a lot further along than I often give myself credit for. 

Looking back at my blog post from only two years ago I immediately become humbled by all the work God has continued to do in our lives.    As I read through the post I remember my desperate pleas for prayers, hoping my son would wake up and take a breath on his own.  I remember my intimate conversations with God promising that I would go without anything for the rest of my life, just to have that one thing that matters,   my precious son alive and well.   Sometimes God's plans for us are much different than our own, but that just means God has bigger and better plans.  Looking back I thank God for all of the answered and unanswered prayers.  I understand why things I prayed to work out did not and I know that Gods purpose for us is bigger than I can even imagine. 

One thing that I KNOW…  wedding or no wedding, babies or no babies, financially prosperous or broke, God is alive in me and our lives are a testament of his grace and mercy.   I will continue to patiently wait for God’s plan for us to be fulfilled because even if his timing is different than my own, his power and plans are worth the wait!!!!!

I have decided to create a photo book for David.  As I sit and rummage through years and years of photos I find myself succumb to many unexpected emotions.  I watch our journey unfolds as we both grow, I become a woman and he becomes a very charming little young man.  I began to piece together our journey starting first with our holiday photos, then our hospital stays, my graduations, and I watch as  our lives unfold through these photographs.  Where did all the time go? How did we get to where we are today? And is this where were supposed to be because it's been one hell of a ride. 

I reminisce on all the amazing things we've had the opportunity to do and see.  The photos remind me of our travels and all the amazing people we have been blessed to meet along the way.  I even came across all of our magazine and newspaper articles, awards, and the photos from our home makeover.  I was reminded of David’s first brain surgery when he was only 2 months old and I was only17,  I remember surgery number 10, surgery number 31, and all of the surgeries and hospital stays in between and then I took a breath and looked at our lives now and realized somehow we have managed to proudly remain standing! 

Then I came across our  birthday photos and watch as both conquer one year after another and I realize that  on David’s next birthday things will drastically change as David officially becomes an adult. Anxiety runs through my soul as I realize that my precious child will longer be able to go to Phoenix Children's Hospital or see his pediatrician was treated him for 17 years.  I can’t help but wonder how  much one year is going to require our lives to change.   

I just figured out how to care for a child with disabilities and then he became an adolescent, and now I will have to figure out how to care for an adult.  In all reality not much really change, but I know we're about to embark on a different journey that will be filled with change that might be intense and scary until we get adjusted.  All in all and so grateful for the amazing life we've had, the  unbreakable bond that David and I share, and the fact that we've survived so much and are still smiling! 

7 years ago today I lost my best friend.  I'll never forget the phone call, the regrets, or the last time David and I had to say goodbye to him.  In the past this day has been extremely rough for me, but today I will focus on all the amazing memories we were able to make with him.  It will not change how much we miss him, but it will help me smile through today.  Because February 20 is not only the day that God brought my father home it is also the day God bless this earth with one of the most beautiful precious souls I know!  Happy Birthday Christina I thank God for you everyday!!!!

Moving past 2013 I remind myself that THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!!  I cannot complain about the last year because although it's been extremely difficult I have grown so much in my walk with the Lord.  Somehow with the help of amazing friends, I successfully planned and threw David's best birthday party yet, advocated for my students and got them the classroom setting they deserve, and have begun  fulfilling my passion of working with the youth at my church.  I pray that in 2014 I continue to find refuge in my Lord and Savior and allow him to give me the strength to rise to any challenge we may encounter.

Maybe the lesson to be learned in all of this is that the quicker you give things to God the quicker he can fix them! Yesterday I was broken to the point of surrender and in that moment of weakness I could do nothing more than hand all of my hardships and sorrows to God, in less than 24 hours all of the issues that were burdening me have had some sort of resolve!  Thank you Jesus for loving me despite my stubborn ways!!!!   ;)

I know most of you have wondered what I've been going through lately and have not fully understood... Because the matter is not about me I have tried to be very considerate of the information I have disclosed online. I can't say much more than, my family is in the midst of a major crisis! As hectic as planning David's party was it was a great distraction from facing the realities of the things going on in my life.  Now that the party is over, reflecting on the party has been  a great reminder of all the love and support David and I have been so blessed with! Lately it has seemed as if my world has been spiraling out of control in every aspect of my life.  God knows me and generally it is hard for me to give my burdens to him until I can take it no longer! We'll I'm there & I surrender Lord!

My dearest David, there is

                                               no humble way to explain what your life means,

Or a simple way for people to understand how my disabled child has taught me so many astonishing things.

Unconditional love is an emotion I thought I would never know,

Until one day in my tummy, you began to grow.

But shortly after you were born I began to understand,

That God specifically chose YOU to be my special little man.

So fragile and frail we grew together as a team,

Just one look into your eyes and I knew what the term unconditional love was supposed to mean.

Who was to know that life would take us to such mysterious places,

When it seemed that there was no light to guide us through, your spirit kept a smile on our faces.

We have climbed mountains high and seen valleys low,

Yet through each one of our challenges, together we would grow.

With a mommy's broken heart and a child's broken body,

We courageously faced the world, proving that we could be broken by nothing or conquered by nobody.

We have traveled a journey that's been long and hard,

Even in my darkest moments you've continued to be my guiding star.

You have been my motivation, strength, courage, inspiration, and biggest fan,

It is you my sweet angel, I give credit for who I am.

A Hero defined as... "a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities" is how I describe you my son,

A precious sweet child whose spirits & life prove Gods work in us is never done!

So as we continue on to climb our next mountain, I'm ready to go,

Because no matter where this journey might lead us, I know that always and forever by my side will be you, my HERO!

Happy 17th Birthday My Super Hero!!!

We'll my mom will be heading to Spain today, to start her new life!  I want to be happy for her, but all I can think about is putting my father on a plane & never seeing him alive again.  Now that the day has come,  this whole ordeal is making me much more anxious than I had anticipated!  ;(. 

I hate goodbyes almost as much as I hate PTSD!!!!

On October 7th around noon, while at Iguassu falls, Brazil I was greeted by a butterfly.  It land on my hand & stay there for at least 15 minutes.  When it was time to go to our next destination I tried to blow this beautiful butterfly off my hand but it refused to leave.  Eventually I had to shake the butterfly off my hand.

That evening when when we returned to our hotel I got a message that a friend of
an incredible man of God, went home to be with Jesus.  The message came in around noon and that is the approximate time I was greeted by the butterfly.

God brings us peace in different ways.  To think that just maybe God sent me one of his beautiful creations to comfort me in the fact that it was time for such a special person to return to him, did comfort my soul!

I pray that God brings peace & comfort to anyone and everyone who has been effected by the loss of such an inspiring, caring, & faithful man, leaving us way too soon. May we all gain perfect understanding of the Lords mysterious plan one day.

God will continue to shine through you even from heaven Rolando Luna!!!

Blessed to have had the opportunity to travel with such amazing people.  In 7 days I have: been in two continents and two hemispheres, spent three nights in moving transportation, been in 6 airports, and to 3 amazing Brazilian cities with a countless number of the most amazing people imaginable (the Hoyt family which have been such a blessing in my life). Some are old friends, some are new friends but all are now forever friends. I also had the privilege of attending the most beautiful wedding I've ever seen! Congratulations James and Mariana!!!  

* I couldn't have put it in better words Christina*

So we are in the US, we survived a 2 hour flight to Rio with a 5 hour layover, a 9 hour flight to NC in which we survived customs, but Christina Hoyt got interrogated for trying to salvage her air plain snack box,  we are now jumping on a plain to TX hoping we can find an open flight to Phx.  I'm feeling so close yet so far away from squeezing my Dayday!, 

Jesus I know you were bigger than any situation any diagnosis and any trial,  When I forget how powerful and faithful you are I will always let David smile remind me!!!

Calling all prayer warriors...

When David was sick I cried out to God for a miracle and many of my FB friends stood with us in prayer.  God granted David the miracle we cried out for. I'm asking all of my friends to take a minute and say a prayer for a friend of mine that needs God's healing touch right now!  May God hear our cries loud and clear.  David went from nearly dying to being fully recovered, alive and well, and blessing the world with his smile!!   I will never doubt my God and I will never loose my FAITH!!!

The kingdom can not afford to lose the soul!!!

There is a fine line between questioning God and seeking for answers. My current situation is not ideal as far as work but maybe the lesson learned in all of this is to teach me to seek him for the things I cannot understand and learn to be content with situations out of my control until he gives me perfect situation.  

I'm feeling awful, overwhelmed, and discouraged.  It's official, the storm has hit!  I have MRSA, I'm just recovering from oral surgery and bronchitis, David is sick, and my anxiety is through the roof right now. 

That being said, I know I'll get through this and I'm pretty excited, because we all know that after the rain comes the rainbow!

So BRING IT .. because my God is bigger than any situation or crisis and a few tears shed is well worth the opportunity to draw closer to God and grow.  

Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes!  ;)

MRSA It is! The doctor said it was a good thing we caught it in time before it spread. I'm supposed to return if it gets worse with the next 48 hours. Please pray that strong antibiotics are enough to do the trick!

I was hoping for something other than a staff infection for my birthday!  LOL

On Saturday I got bit by something.  Throughout the week it has morphed into a big ugly wound on my chest. I didn't want to go to urgent care because my insurance doesn't kick in until September 1st, but it looks like I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go to Urgent Care after work today because the whole left side of my body is aching. 

A few years ago I got MRSA (staff infection) for Christmas.  I sure hoping I don't get MRSA for my birthday cause it wasn't a present I enjoyed!   Lol

Aww...  One of the questions asked in  youth group was "Who is your superhero?" and one of the answers was "David".   Mommy couldn't agree more!!!

* I love you David,  you make me the proudest mom in the world!*

What if....

This word hit home for me.  I've spent countless hours wondering “what if”. “What if my son David could walk?”,  “What if my father was alive to watch me reach my dreams?”, or  “What if I had a partner to help me through this journey?”.  I am learning that spending my time and energy wondering about what could have, should have been, only preoccupies me and prevents me from embracing what God has already and continues to do in my life. 

FOOD FOR THOUGHT! 

What if… we allowed God to work his plan in our lives without questioning him?  What if… God needs us right where we are to move in mighty ways?  What if… God is just waiting for us to move out of the way so he can move? 

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

(2 Timothy 1:7, NLT)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria

God’s desire is that we continually progress, that we reach higher heights and go to new levels in Him. Oftentimes, as soon as we make the decision to step out in faith and obey God, the enemy brings in fear to try to stop us. He’ll bring thoughts like, “What if you fail? What are other people going to think? You don’t have what it takes.” He’ll do his best to use fear to try to convince us to shrink back and stay where we are.

The Bible says that fear is a spirit. It plays on our emotions and holds us back. But the good news is that we have power over the spirit of fear! The Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear. When we receive God’s perfect love, we will have confidence about the future because we know His plans are for our good. I’ve heard it said that fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. Understand that fear is a lie. Don’t buy the lie. Instead, choose to believe God’s Word and receive His love so that you can overcome fear and move forward into the blessings He has prepared for you!

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A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father, thank You for giving me power, love and a sound mind. I open my heart to You and receive Your perfect love. Fill me with Your confidence and assurance to embrace everything You have for me in Jesus’ name. Amen.