One of my students reads his first word!

This is what makes being a Special Education Teacher so rewarding.

I just got overly excited about receiving my shipment of Mod Podge!!!  First day all week I haven't worked +10.   It was worth it because now I'm enjoying my evening winding down with David making Valentine treat bags. 😍 I think I'm officially old and loving it!!!!

Some of the hardest yet most rewarding decisions I have ever had to make in my life have entailed choosing to not waist time, energy, and/or emotions on people or things not worth my time, energy, and/or emotions.  :)

Finding the strengthen to put yourself first and patiently wait for what you are worth is a virtue worth developing.  Never settle for anything or anyone less than the best God has for you!   

Lots of prayers needed today... Just received a call from my mom and the reason I have not heard from her in a couple of weeks is because she was in the infirmary with pneumonia. She's recovering and getting better, but please say a special prayer for her recovery.  Also sending lots of prayers for peace and comfort to the Lord family, as they lay there sweet angel Mia to rest today.  

Every day of life is just another opportunity for Gods glory to shine through a circumstance.

David is officially mine forever... 

Guardianship granted!  1/29/2015

Never loose Faith

No matter what life throws my way, what challenges I have to endure, or how different my plans might differ from the Lord's plan for me, the one thing that will never change is my aspirations.  What happens to us on this earth is temporary and does not matter.  What does matter is how you face life.  Throughout your journey make a conscious decision to face life with the same faith, when times are good and when times are not so pleasant.  That is one of few choices we have in what happens to us on this earth.  I choose to aspire to be Christ-like in everything I do and everything I go through.  

#neverloosefaith  #Godwillneverleaveyouorforsakeyou

Guess whose amazing students made it on Fox 10 News today?

http://www.fox10phoenix.com/Clip/11033484/cory-goes-back-to-school-ignacio-conchos-school#.VLafgMNLd_8.yahoomail

2014 was filled with a lot of hard lessons learned for me, but they were lessons learned nonetheless. They have prepared me for 2015, which I will enter stronger, wiser, and closer to God than I was the year before. May God bless you all as we ring in the new year. I still believe... THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!!

As I was worshiping God this morning All You've Ever Wanted by Casting Crowns came on.  

I was chasing healing when I'd been made well

I was fighting battles when You conquered hell

Living free but from a prison cell

Lord, I lay it down today

So I'll stop living off of how I feel

And start standing on Your truth revealed

Jesus is my strength, my shield

And He will never fail me

No more chains, I've been set free

No more fighting battles You've won for me

Now in Christ, I stand complete

I needed to hear these words today.  I refuse to be that broken little girl who waisted way to many years bound to the pains of my past.  Today I take a stand, I refuse to get caught up in life's challenges, fighting a battle that God has already won for me.  A price that an innocent man paid for me, for my sins, for my freedom.  God graciously gave his life so that I could live life abundantly, and I will honor his life and mine by doing so!  My prayer today is that those who have not gained that understanding will one day feel God's warm embrace as I have. 

I will not dwell on the past, nor focus on my current circumstance.  I can't afford to focus on anything but Jesus and the blood he shed for me.  I choose to get back up however many times necessary and live my life as a testament of God's faithfulness and grace.

Many blessing to you and yours this CHRISTmas!

    Our first Christmas, where our journey began!

                                

Sometimes the most difficult part of this season for me is making the conscious decision to focus on the amazing blessing we do have, and not the things that have not yet be placed in our life.  It is extremely difficult to make that choice when my hearts longs to have the typical traditional Christmas.  A Holiday filled with family, health, and peace.   I am wishing I had at least my parents to share CHRISTmas with, but that is just not what life is for us right now.  At the moment I am holding on to the memory of my dad and the random 3 minute phone calls I get from my mom from prison.   It can make this month an extremely lonely time, but I know I have been blessed with the best kid a mom could ask for, a great church,  a spectacular life, and the opportunity to allow God to fill the void in my life!





This year CHRISTmas has come and gone and I have struggled to find time to breath and take it all in.  We will not be spending the Holidays the way I anticipated we would, but will be doing things exactly how God had planned!  David and I have decided to stay in for the Holidays. No travels, no outings, no running away from life. David is coming down with a cold and this paranoid mommy rather spend Christmas eve at home caring for him then end up having to spend Christmas day in the Hospital. We are going to have some Jesus Rehab while enjoying hot coco and Vitamin C.

I am so thankful for all the many blessings in our lives! Even the situations that did not or do not always feel so magical at times. Each one of those situations has led David and I right to where we are, and that is exactly where God wants us to be. 

Always remember that although life hurts sometimes and things happen that are beyond our understanding and/or control, one thing we can control is the choices we make to embrace every single opportunity granted to us.  Today I choose to focus on the extraordinary ways God has transformed our lives through the disappointments.  I will focus on the understanding that somethings are not meant to be understood, they are meant to help us grow into the person God intended us to be.  

May God richly bless you and yours with a clear understanding of how majestical he is and may you spend your Holidays reminded of the true reason for the season. 

 Our 18th Christmas, where our journey continues!

I am excited to announce that David will be participating in Arizona Rock 'n' Roll Marathon on January 18^th.  I would love for all of our Team David fans and supporters to share in this extraordinary event with us.

David is going to have the opportunity to run/roll with a partner runner. There's an organization of people who have decided to sponsor a child to share their legs with.  ;)   The thought of David having the opportunity to participate in a marathon is fun and exciting, but more than anything else the mere thought of watching my child roll past the finish line brings tears of joy to my eyes. 

As David has transitioned in to adulthood I have had to come to terms with the fact that there are some dreams I have had for us that need to be laid to rest.  It has been an extremely emotional process that has been difficult for most people to understand.   Every mother naturally wants to watch their child walk or hit milestones that they watch all of their friends children hit. At some point as the mother of a special needs child, you learn to set those disappointments aside so that you can embrace the journey you have been chosen for. 

That being said, it does not make the process any less heart wrenching for a mother.   You eventually learn to focus on all the amazing things your child can do.  But there are some dreams that are hard to let go of, so you tuck those ones far away so that they don’t haunt you.  Watching David miss out on typical experiences has been the hardest part of this process for me.  As his mother I want nothing more than to give my bright eyed, courageous, hero all the opportunities that children with out medical challenges have, but some days I don’t feel too successful. 

There are some experiences you don’t think you'll be afforded the opportunity to see here on this earth.  Surprisingly sometimes you are!  To me this experience is God gently whispering to me that he hears the cries of my heart. God is reminding me that although reaching our dreams might not look as though I thought they would, God is still granting us our dreams in a different form.  Watching my child participate in a marathon and roll past a finish line will be a dream come true for us!!!!

THANK YOU RUNNERS AND BEST BUDDIES!!!!!   Thank you for giving us a gift that money could never buy, an opportunity to see my child do something that I never thought I'd get to see him do. Thank you for putting a smile on this mommies face.  When you have to go without you learn to appreciate the little things.  In the process you gain an understanding of the true value of such cherished experiences.  A cherished gift from you to us!  THANK YOU ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjI9nMAFylc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAw35xPqbMs

David got served!!!  Lol  Our guardianship hearing will be on January 29th.

My Dearest David,

 I'm still not sure what to think about you being an adult tomorrow. Part of me feels so extremely blessed that we made it this far in our journey, but there is another part of me wants to hold on to my little boy forever.  

Where did the time go and where do I begin?

Over the last 18 years you've transformed my life in so many ways!  You have empowered me, motivated me, inspired me, taught me to love others and myself, and above all else molded me into the woman of God I am today. I was on the self-destructive path when God sent you to me. Although to the outside world having a medically fragile child at 16 seemed as if my life had taken a devastating turn for the worst, in all reality God knew I needed you to save me from myself and gave me meaning and purpose.

You have taught me the valuable lesson that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.   My perspective is forever changed and I now understand that unfortunate circumstance often offer incredible opportunities to prove to ourselves and others how strong we really are.   In every aspect of my life you're the man behind my success and God knew I needed you just as you are just when he sent you to me. 

I needed you to push me, to teach me that there was more to life to live for,  I needed you to help me realized that the pain of this earth is only temporary and that my purpose here is far greater than the pain and obstacles this world has thrown our way.  You are the reason I found God, the reason I made a conscious choice to serve others, the reason I push myself through college because I knew you deserved it and in the process I realized I deserved it too. 

In the last 18 years we've encountered many obstacles which all eventually required us to rely fully on God.  We survived near death experiences, 31 brain surgeries, unforeseen tragedies, seizures, and heartache, but through it all that we've always had each other!

So as my one and only little man becomes an adult I want to say THANK YOU!  Thank you for changing my life and turning my world into the most amazing adventure I could have ever asked for.   Thank you for helping me grow into the woman and mother that you always needed me to be and patiently cheering me on.   So as we venture into the nest chapter of our lives, I will embrace the fond memories that we have shared while we prepare to create new ones.  Just know that you my love, always have been, and always will be THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS. 

As a teacher it is easy to become overwhelmed with paperwork, deadlines, challenging students and/or behaviors, and the overwhelming task of creating unique and engaging ideas to reach each and every child at their individual levels.  Today was one of those days that makes all the hard work worthwhile!  

One of my students who has struggled getting the concept of blending sounds together to make words, read her first word today. For most kids that's a simple task they learn in kindergarten, but for this student it was a milestone that I will forever be extremely proud of being a part of!!!!

I had forgotten what it feels like to work with aggressive children, until about three weeks ago. It's heartbreaking because you know their little souls are just trying to cope with life the best way they can, but in the process you (the one person who wants to help them) becomes the target.  Somedays trying to not take the aggression or attacks personal can be extremely difficult.  Even when your logic knows that the behaviors are a manifestation of the disability. Lately I have been coming home exhausted, both physically and emotionally.  I give 150% to my kiddos and still it doesn't seem like it's enough some days.  I have watched my classroom fall apart as everyone in the room including the other students have been emotionally worn down by the current constant state of chaos in my room.  I am just seeking prayer for change and resolve for everyone involved. #onedayatatime #givingitalltoJESUS

.

One of "those days"...

As I have begun the process of obtaining a lawyer and filing for guardianship for David, as a medically fragile adult (with a 3 year old mind), a lot of emotions have surfaced. That moment that you realize instead of helping your child apply for colleges, you're applying for guardianship from the state.   These are emotions us mommy’s tuck far away so we can survive.  Emotions I feel guilty for even feeling in the first place, but they are real emotions none the less.  The emotions are intense, my thoughts are deep, and often times I feel like only a mother in my same shoes can understand what "those days" feel like.  Emotions that I believe would offer the world a better understanding of special needs community, if only more of us enduring the struggle could find the strength to share our perspective.  This is what the world looks like from my end some days. 

Our world is changing and I don't know how to communicate what the pressure of these changes is doing to me.  My anxiety is high and my emotions are rampant, as I try to understand how I can embrace a new world of raising an adult child with disabilities.  The system I've spent 18 years mastering will now be an entirely different system, different insurance companies, billing, new doctors, and educational plans.    I am now faced with the daunting task of finding new providers and fighting for services while treading on unfamiliar territory.   Replacing the doctors who know my child inside and out and treated him his whole life, doctors who know my son’s potential, his needs, and his brain. 

Most days I embrace our life, but some days getting through it's rough. 362  days a year I feel so honored and fortunate for the life God chose us for, but even then it does not eliminate those couple days every year, those days that you know another year has gone by am still your child can not walk, he still in diapers, and he's 10 pounds heavier than the year before.  When I look at him my heart breaks because as I mother it is my job to fix things and something I just can’t fix.  I am helpless and those are the moments I have to cast my care upon the lord because my strength, even David’s strength is not enough.

Yesterday as I watched David struggle to adjust his lifeless legs so that he could move, and my heart immediately began to ache.  I spend my days working with special little people.  Believing in them and teaching them the tools they need to be successful in a world that is not made for people who are “different”.  As I look at David I wonder if I am failing my own child.  If I would have worked a little harder, just maybe things would be different.  If only I would have known then what I know now, maybe I could have had a greater impact on his life.  As David reaches adulthood I realize that, that small glimpse of hope, that little dream still inside of me that he might walk must die. 

I cannot fix him, I cannot make him better, and I can't make his legs work.  Most days I am able understand that this is all part of God’s perfect plan for our lives and I am assured that one day beyond this earth, God will grant me perfect understanding,  but there are still those few days that I just can't help to wonder how things could have been, would have  been different.  As David turns 18 I realize that there are some dreams I have had for us that need to be put to rest, so that God can revive new dreams, bigger and better dreams, but this still requires me to grieve.    It's not that I don't believe that God is able to make David’s body whole; it is just that he has already told me that's not part of his plan for us, and I trust God wholeheartedly. God’s  plan for us,  is to teach us how to love life anyway.  God continues to teach us how  to rise to the challenge, how to be strong and courageous and how to smile our way through things.   God is teaching us how to teach the world how real he is, because without God’s mercy and grace this journey would be too difficult to endure!!!

So although I am struggling through “one of those days” that I must grieve what will never be, I know that I would not trade David just how he is for ANYTHING in this world!

Life is taking me on a very bumpy ride right now, and although I'm tired I still know this.... THE BEST IS YET TO COME!  Watch out Satan.  You might be able to rock the boat, but guess what... I know how to swim & God has already thrown me a life vest!!!

For the things I am yet to have…

For the mother I do not have, God has given me an exceptional spiritual mother (Joan). For the local family support system I do not have, God has given me a church family that has superseded my expectations.  For the sisters I never had the opportunity to grow up with, God gave me amazing friends and an amazing sister-in-law.(Carmen, Christina, Noel, Martha, and Dayna). 

For the additional children I'd like to have God gave me a classroom full of them, a church full of them, a world full of them, and beautiful nieces and nephews to share my love with . For the father David has not had the opportunity to have,  God has given us amazing men for him to look up to (Jeff, Jason, and Ed).

So what if the white picket fence I have always dreamed of, in all reality is a chain-link fence that keep the children I love at school safe and educated? What if the hero I have been waiting for to save me, showed up 17 years ago in the form of an innocent child who would teach me to love,  and show me how to be courageous and brave.  Just what if…  the night in shining armor I've been waiting for has already come in the form of the best soul mate a girl could ask for, a savior that would die for my sins. 

What if we are wasting so much time focusing on the things we are yet to have that we are not allowing ourselves to enjoy the things God has already given us????

God allows us to paint our own pictures and then when we are ready he comes in and makes those pictures masterpieces.

Food for thought!

Another one of God's beautiful disasters ~ An update on my mother

Spain was a very scary and surreal experience.  After 16 hours of travel I checked into our hostel and then jump in a taxi to the women's prison.  Somehow the  paperwork was incorrect which caused a delay in our planned visit.  I ended up having to sit in the waiting area for almost two hours while they straightened things out.   I was so exhausted from my travels that I took the clothes I had brought for my mother and used them as a pillow to took a nap on the floor of the prison waiting room.

I'm generally pretty good with my Spanish, but I was exhausted from my travels, anxious, and extremely emotional which made understanding and/or communicate with the prison guards near impossible.  Once I was finally cleared for the visit I was escorted through the prison to the visiting center.  The walk seemed like miles, although it really was not that far.  The men’s prison is only separated from the women’s prison by a block wall so as I anxiously walked to see my mom all I could hear where male prisoners yelling out demeaning comments and making cat calls, which only intensified my anxiety.   After making it through several security check points I was brought into a  small room with a plastic table, four plastic chairs, and prisoner art work displayed on the walls.  I sat at the doorway anxiously waiting to see my mother for what felt like eternity, but then I was comforted by the sound of her voice.  At that point excitement and my emotions took over.   I could hear her speaking her broken Spanish as she was searched and then cleared through security.  As she walked through the doors neither of us could speak, we ran into each other’s arms and sat in the hallway embracing each other while sharing tears for at least five minutes before either of us could get any words out.  

Never in my life has a hug from my mother felt that good!  I wasn't sure what she would look like. I had been imaging our visits for a couple of months and had anticipated several potential outcomes.   What would my mother look like after spending 6 months in an international prison? had the cancer taken a toll on her, would she be consumed with sadness, or look very sickly?  I was pleasantly surprised by her appearance, she looked much better than I had anticipated. She had lost tons of weight and for the first time in many years,  she had a genuine smile on her face!  She wasn't just okay she was great!

As our visits continued I realized how much God was working through what looked and felt like a tragedy in our lives.  The truth be told, had my mom not gone to prison she would've probably never become the mother I needed her to be and had she not gotten cancer, I would've never been willing or able to forgive her and embrace the idea of a relationship between us.

For the first time since I had found out that my mother had landed herself in prison in Spain, I was able to see God in the midst of the entire situation.  Prior to prison my mom was slowly killing herself and the stress of trying to make her aware of what she was doing to herself was taking a toll on our relationship and me.

Now that my mom is in prison everything she does is regulated.  All the demons she had battled for decades were locked out by prison walls.   She is no longer able to  establish unhealthy relationships online, she no longer has access to  foods that she was addicted that were slowly  killing her, she is not able to isolate herself, and all the distractions like the computer and TV that have kept her from drawing closer to God are no longer a factor.  All the things she used to cope with her lifetime of pain have been removed so that now the only thing she can rely on to fix her broken heart is Jesus.

The truth is never, in my life have I seen my mom so healthy,  emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  She has lost almost 50lbs, her blood sugar is not under control, and her perspective on life has drastically changed.  The doctors think that the cancer had been there for at least several months.  Had she been diagnosed with cancer in the states her treatment would've cost her thousands of dollars she didn't have.  In addition to the financial aspect  my mother was a no condition to survive cancer or surgery in her state of health.  Ironically, in many ways been in prison-ed has saved my mom's life.   Most likely my mom went to Spain with cancer that had not yet been diagnosed.  Although she still is struggling with some medical issues she is 50 pounds lighter, has discovered her value, and found her drive to fight for life.

Not only has his experience changed my mother but it is also changed my own outlook. I know the word of God says that  he who started a good work will be faithful to complete it, but I guess I had lost hope in my mother.  God has once again proved that this is true, not just in my own life, but also for those that I love.

“ And I am sure of this, that he who began ha good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”  (Philippians 1:6. 6)

Sometimes I feel like life has crucified me time and time again.   I have often questioned God on why I have personally experienced so much tragedy and trauma in my life.   Most of it has been out of my control and those who know me intimately know how hard my life has been to endure and what a toll it has taken on me at times, but at the end of the day my life proves how real God is.  It's hard to see what good could come from our Lord and Savior, a pure and innocent man, being subjected to such pain and torcher.  But as the story unfolds you are able to understand that Jesus being crucified was what had to happen for this world to be saved!  When I reflect back on my own life and the moments I felt like I was being “crucified” for no fault of my own, I realize that even Jesus (a sin free man)  had to be crucified for our salvation.   I am not trying to compare myself to Jesus, yet compare the idea that it is hard to gain an understanding of situations and/or circumstance that seem traumatic, unfair, and painful until the full story unfolds.

With God his crucifixion lasted one day, but the power of focus on his story is in his resurrection which will last for eternity!  Every time my journey hits trial and tragedy God never fails to resurrect something new within me.  This time he resurrected compassion and understanding for the one person I have struggle my whole life to relate to, my mother.  He also resurrected an understanding from the core of my soul that he is the great I AM and with him I am able to find value in myself to know that as my story unfolds I will discover his purpose for me and the calling he has placed on my life.   I have found faith within myself to know without any doubt that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me!

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”  (Philippians 4:13)

I would like to extend my sincere appreciation for everyone who showed me

compassion and support through this extremely difficult time for our family.  Just know that my mom is doing amazing, she's finally able to get healthy in every aspect of her life and I know that God will continue to do a great work in her.  My mother has found great favor in the prison, everyone including the inmates take very good care of her, despite a few complications and all odds her surgery was a success, and she is on her way to a full recovery.  She is also leading a Bible study in the prison and being used by God to bring women to Christ, and most importantly she has finally found the ability to love herself!

I guess this whole experience is just another one of God's beautiful disasters!

Thanks for your faithful prayers!

Today I got information from the US Embassy.  My  mother was operated on Monday, June 9^th. There was a bleeding complication, but shortly resolved.  Today, she is doing very well after yesterday’s surgery.   The Prison’s Medical Assistant Director believes she will most likely stay in the hospital until next Monday, June 16^th.