I hate the grief process! It seems lately I've had to go through it time and time again. Before I even fully process the previous loss, i'm faced with another. I'm tired! Lord whatever lesson you need me to learn,  PLEASE teach me quickly!  

I'm feeling exhausted!

2 years ago we found out that my mom had Cancer.  In January of 2015, I underwent surgery to remove Cancerous cells from my cervix.  A few months ago my big brother Ed, had melanoma removed from his scalp and  this week I found out that Cadance has untreatable Cancer throughout her body.  

Cancer I rebuke you in the name of JESUS!!!!!!

                         

                           

I will testify of how great my God is, no matter how hard the storm hits!

29 Then I said to you, “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. 30The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” Deuteronomy 1:30-31

I LOVE BEING HIS MOM!

 

David has been a riot all weekend. 
He's decided that he wants to wear glasses no matter who's glasses they are or how he wears them. Half the time he puts them on upside down. He's also tried to escape the house three times. I set up a trap and watched him from the street.   This kid grabbed his toy open the door and pushed his toy out and crawled after it. I guess I should be happy that he didn't start sneaking out the house until age 19.  Today this is how he told me he wanted to drink. He collected water bottles and put them around his cup.  

As the storm hits, I realize that the lesson God wants me to learn in this, is that I have to lay the battle at his feet and let him take the lead.  

The other day while trying to process some of the current uncertainties in my life, I asked God to guide me to a scripture. The first scripture I got was about putting on the full armor of God! I got it... the one piece of armor I am missing is his word. I know how to trust him, speak with him, praise him, but I have been convicted that I am not relying on the word of God as much as I should be.   

Today after a looooong day, I drug myself to Bible study.  I know that if I want to be the best I can be for my son, youth, students, school, friends, and family I must put in the work necessary to advance me for the Kingdom. I know I'm not strong enough on my own.

I've decided to lay down my weapons and pick up the word of God because I know GOD ALWAYS WINS!

The word to best describe every aspect of my world right now is CHOAIS. God is challenging me and I am defiantly feeling the growth pains. As much as it hurts, growth pains mean I am growing. God is grooming me and it has challenged every aspect of my being, but that means he needs me prepared. So as much as I am frustrated and overwhelmed in my current situations, I am excited to see what God has planned! I proclaim this day, that this TEST will be an extraordinary TESTIMONY of God's faithfulness!

I am headed to my WAR ROOM to hand it all over to God!

"11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:11 -17

Cesar Chavez High School Prom 2016

Our first stop before Prom  was to deliver the first corsage to Pam, Jessica's mom.  There's a butterfly on each corsage and David's boutonniere to remind us that her spirit is with us! We love and miss you Jessica Dunn!

                     

As I reflect on today my heart is overwhelmed with joy! I think of David's face when he saw his two gorgeous prom dates. As we were taking photos we couldn't get them to look at the camera because he was mesmerized staring up at the most beautiful dates there! His dates Juno Starko & Laylanie Pinchem.  As special mom we often miss out on many of the "typical" experiences parents look forward too. David has attended prom, but I wanted him to experience a regular high school prom, with all the lights and glamour. Tonight I got to send my son off to prom, this time to regular prom without mom.   As I got in my car I couldn't stop the tears of joy as I thanked God for fulfilling the desires of my heart.   

I knew David was in good hands because I watch these women take care of our babies in the classroom every single day. You women are remarkable and God has huge plans for you. Thank you for affording us this opportunity and experience, one David  nor I will ever forget and will be forever grateful for. #kindnesswins #Godheatsyou

I am so grateful for all of our faithful supports who have graciously supported all of my endeavors.  I am at it again. 

I am currently in the process of organizing our annual school yard sale.  This has been our schools largest fundraiser.  Our rummage/yard sale was originally supposed to be this weekend but we were not able to collect enough donations to sale, so we have postponed the sale for May 7th. With our district facing the challenge of overcoming a $5 million deficit, the reality is that necessities in the coming year. the funds we previously raised to purchase extras will be needed to purchase

Here is how you can help.  If you have any items that you would like to donate, we will be collecting items for the next month.  Please message me and we can arrange a way to get them to our school.  You can also support us by coming by our sale on May 7th. 

Your donations would be greatly appreciated.  Anything left after the sale will be donated to families in the community, to Best Buddies Az, and to a ministry in Mexico. 

If you don't have items to donate or a need to shop at our sale please pray for our success.  There is power in prayer and these families deserve all the love and support we can provide them!

If every time Satan attempts to knock you down, you get right back up and use your circumstance as a platform to testify of God's glory and grace, Satan will eventually realize you're not worth it to him!

Just remember that Satan only has the platform we give him. God is always with you even in the mist of storms that make him feel so far away. Trust him and see him and everything because he is there!.

It has been one of those days…

4:00pm

Just the thought of the things I need to accomplish this week has me extremely overwhelmed. Lesson plans, IEP's, coordinating field trips, school fundraisers, student council, David's SSI, child support, guardianship paperwork, bills, banking, student loans, yard work, household chores, car wash, grocery shopping, laundry, taxes, medical appointments, scheduling dental work for both David and I, and the list goes on. Once my book is published, the first thing I'm going to do is hire a personal assistant!

9:30pm

When all else fails... Stop, take a breath, and then make Easter baskets for your kids, while listening to worship, and watching videos of David and your students. I know how to cheer myself up!

I prayed for favor as I walked into the Social Security office this morning. Not only did I pray for favor but then I stood on the word of God, faithfully believing that favor is exactly what I would get. 

I still struggle every time I have to walk into an agency that requires me to report to them about how I care for my child, manage my home, and my finances.  It feels as if you have to check your pride and dignity at the door.  For us, it's also a reminder that David's father chooses not to help or participate in his life, making the load even heavier for me.

The interview did not go as I had planned, but I am confident it went as God had planned.   At one point The woman conducting the interview even looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "I'm sorry it's a system we forced to work with, not that we all agree with it".  The conversation led us into discussion about advocacy and the importance for families to not give up and find their voices. I shared pictures of David's smile with her and I got to share my testimony of how and why I decided to become a Special Educator. 

By the end of the meeting I knew Jesus was there with us. I also knew that my anxiety and emotions are more about how out-of-control so many relevant factors in my life are right now.

Reflecting I realize that I don't need control because God has a much greater handle on my future  than I ever will. Undoubtably I know that God has a much greater plan that I just can't yet understand.   

So although things don't look like they ended up in our favor. I know they did!

Sharing Love is the best way to heal!  One year ago I went on a adventure with several Hope kid families. We built the house for this incredible family that stole my heart! I decided to return with a few teacher friends and some school supplies.  Once again, I'm leaving with so much more than I brought!  In one year the Jimenez Family has made that house that was built for them by Hopekids and 1 Mission and have not only made it a home, they are also using it to teach the local children's gardening, art, and most importantly about Jesus!   People think small kind gestures don't create a large impact, but the truth is they do. This woman took that blessing and has used it to bless and entire neighborhood! If those neighborhood children also share that love and knowledge with others, think of how great of an impact, a small sacrifice on the part of others, had on creating such great change for the kingdom of Christ!  Make a difference it really does matter!

To top it off I got to do it with the reason behind my smile. The person you inspires me to be all I can be. The person who taught me to love like Jesus, my son!

"6 I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. 7 It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work." (1 Corinthians 3:6-8)

The comfort in his voice

My post is probably all over the place as has been my mind this week.  I am just trying to process life right now, real and in the moment. 

Today I felt so many different emotions. I was sad, angry, confused, frustrated, and anxious all bottled inside me.  My week has been emotionally draining.  First to find out that our beautiful Jessica when home to be with Jesus, then I found out my brother dodge the cancer bullet.   This week we also found out that our district is in a budget deficit and that positions will be eliminating which might impact our school, which is like a family to me, and when I thought the week was finally over I found out that I tested positive for Influenza A.  I am a big girl and am not worried about surviving the flu, but can’t bring this illness to my son who is fragile. 

This is in addition to my normal concerns about losing David, my students, my mom, my dear friend who just had to put her son on a hospice plan. My heart has still not stopped aching for the last parents I had to watch say goodbye to their child.

So many thoughts and emotions flooded my mind like a tornado.  I decided to breath and seek God.  I pulled away because I was angry, but I was unconsciously creating distance at a time that I need God the most!

I needed silence, but all around me there was so much noise.  When I listened closely I could hear the voice of God softly whispering, “it is going to be OK, the best is yet to come, you will understand one day”.  I am calmed by his presence and know that despite all the loss in our lives right now he is right there with me.  I AM NOT ALONE!  WE ARE NOT ALONE!

I'm going to praise Jesus through the storm because that's the only way I'm going to survive this! I still see Jesus in all of this. I still feel his presence as he continuously reassures me that everything is going to be OK.  

The hope in our struggles is that when you're at your most vulnerable, that is when Jesus comes to the rescue.  Struggles are when you will have some of your most intimate experiences with God, if you allow the opportunity.

No matter how much life hurts right now, I know that God will use these moments in our lives to prove to the world how real he is!  A good life is not only about having great experiences; it is about finding God in EVERY experience he blesses you with. 

I know it much easier said than done and these words are a reminder to myself... just trust and stand on his word.

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

In addition to academics, I try to teach my kids kindness. I feel like that's one of the most valuable lessons they can learn. Today we packed backpacks to send Mexico. I explained to them that the supplies were going to children who have much less than we do. As we are going through our school supplies, I found some items I had purchased to put in their Easter baskets. I made it their choice if we could include those in the kids backpacks.   Each and every child in my classroom agreed to sacrifice their Easter present for a child in need! They even went through prize box and donated our stuff animals.

Little did we know that this would be the last finish line Jessica Dunn would cross here on this Earth.  Her next finish line would be a finish line we all hope to cross one day, but on that leaves an aching hole in the lives of those left behind.  On Friday morning Jessica crossed her final finish line as she ran through the gates of Heaven.  You will be forever missed and running will never be the same without you! #teambestbuddiesaz

There is nothing more precious than children's laughter!

It's been a long week with testing and our schedules being flipped around, so the kids are a little restless. Today during reading they started laughing uncontrollably. I believe that laughter is so healing and I love seeing my students so joyful so it was hard for me to tell them to stop. We decided to seize the moment and run with it. I made a deal with kids. I told them that if they could get through reading and learn I would give them 10 minutes at the end of class to put on a comedy show. Each kid got to go up and be the comedian.  

Thought I'd share the laughs with you! #conchoslove

It is official...  In two weeks I will be returning to vista some very special families who forever touched my life 

almost a year ago.  

A house of love built by families who choose to keep their hope in the Lord, although their children battle life threatening illnesses, Hope Kids. Together we built a home for an amazing family and community that I fell in love with in Puerto Paenasco.

    Little did I know that mixing cement and hammering nails for three days would be so life changing.  

Just remembering the experiences brings me such great joy.  I am going to be bringing the children in this neighborhood literature in Spanish, books, and school supplies.  I will be also be collecting clothing and toys over the next week to bring if anyone has any Spring cleaning to do.  

I am BEYOND EXCITED!

She is beautiful, caring, honest, passionate, an entrepreneur, free-spirited, honest, sunshine, she turns my gray skies blue. She's my best friend Christina Hoyt.

When my father was still alive, he was my absolute best friend. He was our cheerleader, advocate, he was my strength when I was to weak or scared to carry on, on my own. He always offered wise council, with my best interest at mind. When he passed away it left a gaping whole in my heart.  Every year on February 20th, I am reminded of the day, the day he took his last breath,  the day that I was informed that I would never get to see him, hug him, seek his council, going a shopping escapade, cry on his shoulder, or share in another memory with him on this earth again.   

The day, that in an instant our lives were    forever changed by his loss. 

That reminder has made this day very painful for me, for many years.  God and my father knew how heavy my heart had been and had heard my prayers for peace and comfort.  I believe that is why they sent me YOU! Out of nowhere I met this friend who was much younger than me, but that I was immediately connected too. It was like we had know each other our whole lives.  We had fun together, we cried until we laughed and laughed until we cried, we were passionate about the same things, and we were both always up for an adventure. 

It just seems so natural.

As we begin creating memories together I quickly realize just how extraordinary of a friend to Christina was.  When I found out her birthday was on February 20th, the day I lost a piece of my heart, I knew it was no coincidence. 

I believe that Christina was God and my fathers gift to me.

Through a great loss blossomed a great gain.   Christina you have held my hand while I spread my father's ashes at one of the seven wonders of World. We have taken my father to Honduras and Europe. You did know he was with us right? LOL    You traveled with me across the world to visit my mother who was battling Cancer in Spain.  You have been that friend who is pulled me out of some of my darkest places.  Even if I just needed you to play with my hair and wipe my tears when I needed a good hard cry, you were there.  You encourage me and remind me I matter. You push me, drag me, lunge me forward in life.  All the losses that once made it so hard to let my father rest, I have now found in you. I can never replace the relationship between my father and I, but he did one hell of job sending me you!  Thanks for being the “That Friend” to me!  You have forever changed our lives.

Thank you Mary Hoyt for giving us this beautiful gift, Christina and giving me something to smile about on February 20th.

                         

Great reminder for me this weak!  

This upcoming weak is filled with a million different emotions.  Being sick with all this time to think might be a great opportunity to find some healing.   For years I have struggled through emotions that taunt me in the month of February.  Emotions about my dad leaving this earth on Feb 20th, my son's near death experience on Feb 23rd 5 years later, and God's miraculous intervention that has forever turned our life around.  February also marks 4 years "Seizure Free" for David. I hear God speaking in my life and he is clearly saying "it is time to hand over your pain so that I can continue writing your story" and that exactly what I plan on working on.  

GIVING IT ALL TO GOD! 

This is the sickest I've been in a long time. I have pneumonia and gastritis and every part of my being hurt. I have no strength and every little task requires me to will myself through the process. I need my spirits lifted today and I'm so glad I found theses special home made cards in my mailbox.   They made me cry!  There's nothing worse than being stuck in bed. fighting a battle between your body and mind. I'm letting my body win this one and it's telling me to rest.  That's extremely difficult for this ADHD girl but my superhero powers are on strike right now! Thanks for holding down the fort TEAM!