Yesterday was so discouraging!!!!

Where do I begin? I have been sick for over three weeks now! For anyone who knows me sitting still or stopping is just not something I do. I squeeze as many tasks as I possibly can in a day so being down for this long is driving me crazy. I have been visiting my doctor twice a week. I was told by the ER that I have Bronchitis but after a follow up my doc thought it could possibly be Pneumoina. That has still not been confirmed.


As my lungs started getting better I began getting frequent dizzy spells. Again I visited my doctor who ran some labs and instructed me not to drive until we could figure out what’s going on. (I am currently working on finding a personal chauffeur lol) Although they did not find anything to explain the dizziness in the labs my liver levels (not sure what that means) came back high so again I went in for more testing. I am waiting from the results back from yesterdays labs and I have an abdomen ultra sound scheduled for next week. We are hoping the high levels are because of all the meds I have been on.


After that appointment I went to the physical therapist to address the pinched nerve in my left shoulder. There are some concerns because of how tight the muscle is. She says that she can work with me on getting better but because I constantly lift David the chances of my shoulder stay well are not great. She then proceeded to explain to me that my body can not handle the physical strain of lifting a 65lb kid around and I needed to start thinking of alternatives. I am not sure what she meant but at that point I got very upset. Now I need to do special exercises to care for myself so I can care for David like I do not have enough on my plate.


The truth is I know I need to begin to face the facts and they are that no matter how much I love David or how much I am willing to do for him, Physically there will be a day that I can no longer lift him on my own. But there are no alternatives for me. Unless God sends me a big buff man or a million dollars so I can pay someone to lift David I don’t know what I am going to do. I do know that giving David up would never be an option!


Insult to injury right before bed David had a 15 minute seizure to top off the day. We called the Fire Department because this seizure was very different from his typical seizure but he was fine and of course smiling by the time it was all said and done.


Sometimes I get tired of being patience; I question God and his timing, and don’t understand how much I need to endure to prove I am a strong woman. Anyway I am done being a winer I am over it! Today’s a new day and I am just going to have to see what today brings. I refuse to fear the future I will excitedly wait to see what comes! =)

Where do I start????

Well... Yesterday was a hard day. I was feeling very lost and alone. At one point I even became angry. Don't get me wrong I have been blessed with great friends from all different walks of life who have been very supportive of me and all of my many endeavors. It is just that David and I have now gone through Brain surgery number 29. Again I waited for a prognosis alone (meaning without a companion or "father figure" for David) No matter how much the people around me care for David and I it is only me who walks this journey. No one can understand how the uncertainty of the situation truly feels nor can I understand theirs. It is just what it is.

I was dwelling on the concept of "what comes around goes around" and "you reap what you sew". I am puzzled because I am far from perfect but my heart is a giving heart and I long to have a positive impact on all the lives David and I encounter. I help people from the goodness of my heart because my heart truly does ache to see people suffer. Why is it that every man in my life cheats on me even though I have never been a cheater? Why is it that people walk in my life, use me, and walk out with no regards for David and my well being? Do I deserve this treatment? Am I unconsciously provoking it or is it as simple as takers love givers so I am an easy target.

I have indeed learned from my mistakes and choose friends more wisely but still don't understand why I am frequently treated unfairly. OK OK I was feeling a bit sorry for myself yesterday and "life just wasn't fair".

I said all of that to say that I got on my knees and begged God for answers and if he could not give me answers I asked that he would at least give me a new perspective. Well, today I woke and started my new job. I could not have asked to work for better people or a better cause. Although, I am still unclear about why or what has or has not gone on in my life I had such a Peace about who and were I am. I know that God has me right were he wants me and even thought our future might means more challenges to come I am completely confident that God is moving in our lives and everything is going to be Fantastic (not just OK).

So at least for today I am hopeful for tomorrow PRAISE GOD!!!

To all my friends!

I must say that trials always reveal who your true friends are. Life sometimes gets the best of me and I do not stay in touch as much as I would like to. I think of my friends often but quickly get caught up in chores, homework, or my motherly duties. I realize that sometimes I just need to slow down and enjoy life and all of the many people God has blessed me with.


I have grown a lot over the years and now understand what it means to have true friends. It means that even though we may go months without talking it is OK because no amount of time or space can change the love and support shared between "true friends". In the past couple of years I have learned that many people that I would have called true friends at one point, were not, and as disappointing as that has been I have also realized that many people who I never thought really cared, do!!!!!


Some of those people are so amazing that they inspire me even without the opportunity to talk to them as much as I would like. So before I get busy with my new job, school, writing my book, and of course my little man, I just want to make sure you all know how much you mean to me. Even the strangers who take the time to say a prayer for David and I. I value you, I appreciate you, and at times like this I need you!


Just know it is people like you who keep me strong!!!!! It is like the butterfly effect. I pray that one day (soon =) ) God will use David and my story to change many lives. To share hope and inspire others. When that day comes and I have no doubt it will, know that all of you were a part of this. Keep smiling and know that your support impacted and changed two very grateful lives.

Blog Followers

If you are following our blog and it is not to much trouble please let me know by either being a follower or sending me a comment. I am not sure who is getting my updates and since I am trying to be faithful updating the blog it would be nice to know it is being read =) Please Thank you all again and again for all the prayers and support!!!!!!!

We are Home =)

Well the doctors are not a 100% sure that David does not have an infection but they are sure enough that they released him. They will continue to watch his cultures for further growth but they think that it got contaminated and that is why it showed bacteria. As far as the shunt tubing somehow the tubing the doctor was looking for from the scan of David's stomach was an old piece of tubing that was lost over five years ago. The reason they could not find it was because it has since been covered with scar tissue. The most recent "missing catheter" is actually still in David's head but was over looked?????????


I think the new doc was so preoccupied fishing for what he saw in the Cat scan that he missed it. At this point it will remain in David's head unless there are complications or he needs another surgery. His neurosurgeon Dr. Moss says it is not worth it to go in just to retrieve the tubing. Had David's neurosurgeon been notified that David was going in to emergency surgery he says he would have come in to operate. All this mess could have been prevented to some degree because Dr. Moss knows David and his head!!!!!!


David is still covered in hives and still shaking a little but he is recovering. I will keep you all posted but thanks for all the love and support. GOD IS SOOO FAITHFUL!

Today has been a long day full of uncertainties!!!!!

We are still waiting to see what cultures show and there has not been a decision yet on finding and removing the missing catheter. I had great company today which helps a whole lot. Everyone’s prayers, support, emails, phone calls, and visits go a long way!!!!!! Thanks Today I did not know what to do with myself. I could not sleep, and thinking is driving me crazy.


David is recovering but has not yet bounced back to his typical smiley self. His smile is what I have always held on too to push me through so I am trying to find his strength within myself but honestly I don’t know how my little champ does it. I have managed to squeeze a few smiles out of him but he is definitely not back to himself.


He is very swollen and at one point he could barely open his eyes. He had an allergic reaction to the meds so he is red and broken out in hives. It is obvious he is uncomfortable has been crying on and off all day. I wish I could take his place = (
In addition he keeps having unexplainable twitching and he has been jittering all day. I pray his shaking/jittering is just a weird side effect that will go away soon!


I don’t remember ever seeing him like this after surgery but, maybe he has been like this after prior surgery’s and I have just chosen to forget it. Maybe this hospital stay is just taking a toll on the both of us????? Idk


Please keep praying I will keep you posted!

I am not too sure what is going on I just know God is in the mist of it!

I am not really sure what’s going on right now seems its as if things keep getting more and more complicated!

David got out of surgery around 2:30. Doctors can not find the catheter (tube) that ran from his shunt to his stomach. The nuero surgeon searched and even had a pediatric surgeon come to assist him. They had to make the incision larger than they liked so now David has a new scar about two inches long in the middle of his stomach. After several attempts they were still never able to locate the catheter. They discussed risk and felt that the longer David was under anastia and his incision was open the higher risk of infection and complications so they deicide to sew him up and run scans in the morning.

At this point they are going to leave the catheter inside of him and we are crossing our fingers that it will not create any problems. The doctor says that he has a lot of scaring and that removing it might also create complications. Once they reconnected his shunts the doctor said that fluid rushed through. I can only imagine the pressure in his little head. Right before surgery we notice his one side of his chest was puffy and swollen. It ended up being the spinal fluid from David’s brain trying to force its way out of his head through his body.

They think that the shunt could have possibly broken because of its location. It has to be were it is now so that it can reach and drain the cyst on the left side of his brain. The doctor who operated says he doesn’t know what we can do if it breaks again which could happen so I hope to discuss that with Dr. Moss today.

In addition they ran a culture on his spinal fluid found some white cells which indicates infection. For now they will monitor him on antibiotics so there is no plan for an external drain and surgery. Please pray that this is not the case because if it is that will be a drain that runs the fluid out of his body for up to 14 days and then at least two more surgeries.

I have had better days with better news and more sleep but I am hanging in there!

May has been filled with SUPRISES!!!!

Well yesterday I got an amazing job and was confirmed on the Board of Directors for Phoenix Youth At-Risk. Today on the way to the ER after David vomited I found out that because of budget cuts there is no longer a summer program that can accommodate us. Then we get to Phoenix Children’s Hospital and discover that David’s shunt has disconnected from the tube that drains it. Apparently the tube is now sitting in his stomach. They gave me 30 minutes to prepare for an emergency surgery and off we went. Unlike the other 29 surgeries that his regular neurosurgeon Dr. Moss has completed the surgeon who is operating on David has never even seen us before, and knows nothing about David except the few notes he read in David’s thousand page chart while he rushed to prepare for surgery.

Insult to Injury...

They told me I could go back to the OR with him. You see the operating room is a very cold room filled with anywhere from 5 to 10 people all in scrubs, masks, and hair nets. There are bright lights, large machines, surgical equipment everywhere (knifes, scissors, clamps) and everything is covered with blue clothes. They lay David on a table and generally I hold him in my arms place the gas mask on him and sing to him till he falls asleep. (A little less scary than them taking him from me lying on a table, people with masks hovering over him while they hold him down and place a large plastic object over his face). As they wheeled him in the Anesthesiologist said that me going back was “not going to happen”.

As I was rushed to say my goodbyes reality hit me and I began to ball. I tried to be strong but there was just no strength in me. Then the nurse asked if there was anything they could do to make things easier on me and I replied teach your Anesthesiologist some manners. He could have told me that it was an emergency and there just was not time but he showed no sympathy or understanding. I then told them that although to them my son was just another patient they were taking away my world to go operate on his BRAIN!

I don’t know what God is doing but in the last two weeks I have graduated, lost the funding source I have survived on for the last two years, got a job, lost childcare, and am searching for a new church because of some unfortunate situations. It is a bit overwhelming for someone who doesn’t adapt well to change! I am trusting God that he is placing me were I need to be at a very rapid pace for a reason and that in time I will understand it all but, at this time I am lost and very scared.

God I am holding on for dear life but, please send me a sign or something I feel like I am being consumed with fear and confusion.

I am still anxiously waiting for an update! David is still in surgury and has been for over an hour. Still no word but I will update the bog tomorrow.

I was recently asked to prepare a speech at a celebration ceremony for one of my scholarship programs. I just thought I would share it….

10 years ago a degree was a dream even to big for me. Higher education was a possibility way beyond my reach. This morning I woke up a college graduate, proving if to no one but myself all things are possible and no dreams to big. I have to give God the glory for were I am at today and were I know he is going to bring us in the future.

It has been a very long journey for me so I will do my best to sum it up in a just a few minutes. At many points it has seemed more like a roller coaster ride. I lost my father, a good friend, David has had many medical issues (including his most recent brain surgery number 28), and life has remain very complicated for me. But this ride is over and now I will begin my journey on a new ride. No matter how hard it has been we have made it and I am walking away a much stronger better person.

Graduating is bitter sweet because I must celebrate my success with out my father. I know he would be very proud so this ones to you pops. Graduation is much scarier than I expected. As frightening as the unknown can seem I am very excited to enter the next chapter in my life with many of you by my side. I just want to thank my Mom and all of my special friends who have held me up when the burden of life was pulling me down. I could not have done it without your support.

Last but not least I want to thank my son David who truly is the wind beneath my wings. David your smile has kept me going when life has seemed impossible; your courage to face everyday no matter what that day would bring has motivated me to get out of bed even when just the thought of getting dressed has overwhelmed me. Your love has carried me through some of the hardest times in my life and you have taught me so much more than any education could even though you are only 12. So as I go on to graduate school I will follow your example and remain strong no matter what gets in my way, because your are proof that even without words, even with limitation, even while enduring so much, that it is not our obstacles that mold us into who we are yet are responses to those obstacles.

I love the feeling of completion!!!! Goodbye Senioritis Hello Graduation!!!!

Well today is the big day! In a couple of hours some of my girlfriends will come over and we will begin to get ready for graduation. It has been a long time coming but I know this is not the end just the beginning. I look forward to starting the next chapter in my life. I hope this chapter is an easier read. Lol If it’s not well, I guess I have a few more things to learn or a few more people to touch. I wish my father could be their, but I know that he will be my biggest fan in heaven. I am very grateful for all the love and support from all the special people in my life. That has been what has carried me through some of the hardest times in my life. Most of all I praise God for David, mommies little miracle who truly is “the wind beneath my wings”

Who thought Graduation would be so emotional

David and I attended our first Graduation celebration last week. One of my scholarships was honoring the graduating seniors. As I sat there my emotions began to consume me. I guess knowing that I had finally made it though my undergrad program had become real. I am still not sure how I did it but I know that it could have never been possible without David’s amazing spirits, the grace of God, and all the strangers who choose to invest in me.


After loosing my father one semester, and a close friend in a tragic car accident the very next, I can not really remember much of my journey. I do vividly remember both phone calls notifying me that life as we knew it was forever changed. I do recall planning funerals and making final arrangements, I also remember the unbearable pain that felt like it would never go away. It will never go away but people were right it does get easier. In addition to these traumatic events David has visited the hospital at least two or three times every semester since I have been at ASU. Most recently in the last semester of my senior year (dayshaview from high school) David required surgery. Graduation feels bitter sweet! As proud and happy as I am it hurts moving forward without the ones you love. I would love for my father to be there knowing that no matter how hard it got we made it through, and he will, I just wich I could see the look on his face.


When people ask me how I do it I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that although, I will graduate with 9,000 other students I believe my diploma will signify much more than education. Strength and endurance is what has allowed me to preserver. Faith and hope for something more has pushed me forward and when life is so crazy that I can not find those characteristics within myself I get them from my twelve year old, David!!!

Exciting News

David has had two small seizures in the last two days. They have not been his typical seizures and he has come out of both of them without meds which is a promising sign. I am not sure what to think so I am just keeping my trust in God.

After all of our obstacles over the last few months I decided David needed some "positive excitement"! I had to be creative since my fiances are limited. I decided to write to all of the local sports teams and tell them about my little miracle and his amazing spirits despite adversity. To my surprise I got a quick response back from the Phoenix Coyotes and Suns. Both teams gave David the opportunity to meet the players.

Although David might only comprehend at a three year old level I know one thing he understood real clear during both of these events "he was the man". He expressed this with his ear to ear smile and by beating his chest. I can not thank both teams enough. It is very hard as David's mother to see him grow yet still not be able to do what other kids are doing. For the most part I remain positive but sometimes it gets the best of me.

With the help of the Suns and Coyotes I was able to give David an opportunity that most children will never have! Going into the locker rooms, shaking hands and snapping photos with athletes most children dream of meeting. I know David got this chance because of how special he is and I know he knew that too! So even though he can not walk, and participating in activities that my friends kids do being special also has its advantages =)

We had a scare today

Today I got a call from David’s school that he had a seizure and then vomited. After they took him to the nurse they also discovered that he had a fever of 101.8. I called his neurosurgeon but while waiting for his return call I decided to be safe and just bring him to Phoenix Children’s Hospitals emergency room. Fever is a sign of shunt infection and vomiting is a sign of shunt failure.

My fears began to get the best of me and I balled the whole way to David’s school. A million thoughts must have run threw my head during that 20 minute drive.
Could this mean that David’s patterns would continue and that we would spend the next few months undergoing multiple operations or did David just have a virus, which caused the fever, which triggered the seizure, which caused him to vomit????????

When I got to David’s school he was sleeping. When he woke up it was very obvious that he was uncomfortable but he still attempted to laugh while fighting back his tears. After some Tylenol, a few hugs and kisses, and a cleared MRI David is already bouncing around again. I guess my faith was tested but, in the end God came through =)

Wow I am already feeling behind and homework is piling up as well is the laundry. The house is a mess and I just can’t seem to get enough done in one day to get back on track!!!! Now I just lost another day but I know I must remain grateful that at this point it looks like David is recovering and life is headed back in the right direction.

I am a slacker!!!

Ok guys sorry I have not been updating the blog but I have been exhausted and trying to catch back up with school work and work from my internships. I have had to turn off my phone and lock myself inside my office. David is recovering well and has been expressing less pain now while healing than he has in the last few months. Of course he is still all smiles and outside of biting we are almost back to normal.

On the white board in his room I posted a sign that said Beware of Biter ha ha (funny until he get ya)

Please keep us in your prayers it will take 25 days to clear us from the posiblity of infection and only six weeks till I graduate!!!!

God is good ALL the time!!!!!!

Less than 24 hours after brain surgury and we are home =) David is doing well and outside of a little pain managment we are on our way to a full recovery. I am feeling exhauseted and and have been fighting a migrane for the last 3 days but when I think of what my little man has gone through I can not complain. We will follow up with the doctors in two weeks to make sure his shunts are functioning properly and that the cyst do not return. Thank you all for your love, support, and prayers it really did help us through. I will continue to update the blog on his progress.

We apprecaite you all!!!!

God is good

David has been out of surguery for about 2 hours. He is already awake playing and of course he is smiling =) Thank you all!!!!!!!!

Here we go

We are preping for surgury. Speaking with everyone involved the doctor, the doctor’s engineer and surgury tech. I just gave David a bath since I might not be able to bath him for at least a few days after surgery. He had stickers placed on his head by the doctor’s engineer to guide the surgeon and we just got back from MRI again.

Until a few minutes ago I have been calm but, now that the tears have begun to fall I can’t stop them. He is taking a nap so peacefully right now. In one hour I will be holding him while they place a mask over his face, he will go to sleep, they will wheel him away and I will wait for updates on surgery and his progress. I don’t feel like I am ready for this but I really don’t have a choice HERE COMES THE STORM!

Surgery is scheduled for today at noon

After David’s MRI doctors found that there is more difference between his last MRI and the new one than they could see on the CAT scan. There is a large cyst of fluid that has been continuously growing over the past year. It is putting pressure on his left frontal lobe. Because of the location of the cyst the doctors must put a third shunt in David’s head. I am still numb and David is still smiling of course. There is power in prayer Please say a Prayer for us!!!!

Just wanting to know more

I just got orders not to feed David or give him anything by mouth. I don't know why but it is a safe assumption that he will be having some kind of procedure done today???? I will keep you posted.