God’s Grace is Sufficient

So much for my weekly updates!!!! I did not anticipate another hectic semester when I set that goal. Lol So although I have managed to blog I have not found time to input my entries =)


Well a lot has happened since my last entry. For Christmas I was blessed with 5 little ones and a staff infection that landed me in the hospital for over a week.


Where do I begin…


A little background information on my new additions. I actually got temporary guardianship of their mother 7 years ago when she was 13 and had just given birth to her youngest. She was one of the kiddos I was mentoring with a Youth Intervention program I volunteered for and when her mother threw her on the streets I was who she called. Her father signed over temporary rights and I had her and her young son for almost 9 months. In those 9 months I got her in school, and headed in the right direction. When I realized her stay with me was going to be longer than I originally anticipated I applied for benefits and once her mother found out that meant she could not longer receive cash assistance for a child she was not even caring for she began to fight to get her back.


After trying everything in my power to keep her I was forced to return her to the same bad environment I tried to rescue her from.


Shortly after her mother shipped her off (at 14) to live with her 15 year old boy friend and they went on to have 4 more children (totaling 5) by the age of 19. Both the mother and father have been in jail and the children have been bounced around from one bad environment to another. More recently the children were living with mom and her mother in a small run down 2 bedroom home with 3 adults and 8 children. The mother has been asking for my help with the kids for the last year but I wasn’t sure how I could do it on my own.


On December 23 I got a phone call that forever changed our lives. From my understanding the grandmother who is a meth user attacked one of the 5 year old twins. She grabbed her by the hair and pulled her off the couch saying “you’re a dog and pets do not belong on the furniture” the mother of the children came to her daughter’s defense and pushed grandma off her daughter and then they got into a physical altercation (all in front of the children).


The police were called and the grandmother threw the kids and their mother out of the house leaving them homeless and traumatized 2 days before Christmas. I did not want them to go to CPS custody or be separated so I have had them ever since.


All of the children have abandonment issues, and some behavior and emotional issue due to what they have seen and experienced in their young years. I am hoping to provide them the love and stability that they need and deserve but that their mother is just not equipped to provide for them at this time. This would be an impossible task alone but perfect strangers have come along side us and supported us on this journey which has made it so much easier for me and for that I am forever grateful (and so are these innocent babies who have endured for too much pain and suffering)


I know God has heard my prayers and concerns and I know he will continue to carry us through.


12/24/10
I must have made the naughty list! So it is Christmas eve and I am on my way to the hospital because I have a cyst in the middle of my face which has me so swollen I can barley open my eyes. In addition I got a call last night from my foster daughter & the police and in an attempt to keep the children out of the system I now have five additional children. Merry Christmas to me. =) Santa and I really need to talk!


12/24/10
Round 2! I'm @ the ER w one of my new additions 4 respitory distress! Hope we get out n time 2 get stockings stuffed and presents out!


12/25/10
Round 3! I'm being admitted 2 the hospital 4 the abscess on my face. They think I might possibly have a staff infection. Please pray 4 us


12/27/10
The doctors just confirmed that this painful, ugly, golf ball sized abscess on my face is a Staph Infection. Looks like my stay in the hospital will be extended. The doctors are concerned that the infection is so close to my brain and sinus cavities and are keeping me on IV antibiotics so that the infection does not get into my blood.


Cultures are in and the type of Staph infection I have is MRSA (the worse type to get of course) I am trying to stay positive here but being stuck in the hospital and not seeing David for 4 days now is getting to me!


1/14/11
For the last few days it has seemed impossible to get one of the twins to sleep! (it takes hours) She is notorious for getting into treats and was caught eating something last night but would not fess up what it was. While searching for sippy cups for dinner I found a box of mints under her pillow (energy mints filled with caffeine ;) that explained it all


1/20/11
Laundry, laundry, and more laundry! How will I ever get my chores done with a 2 yr old attached to my hip and 3 other little ones fighting over everything? OMG I am loosing my mind and I still have to get to school for a 5 hr class! Wish me luck I can tell already it is going to be a looooong day! Oh did I mention David had a seizure yesterday and my car battery went out leaving me stranded ;)


1/22/11
So my 3 year old just broke my second pair of glasses this week! She says she doesn’t know why????? When I reprimanded her for it she told me that she hated me, David, and Uncle Jeff. What am I going to do with her? Any advice on how to manage a destructive 3 year old? We need and intervention!!!


1/26/11
I have spent the last week cleaning boogers, vomit, and diarrhea and between all 6 kids it has been a full time job. I have washed all the bedding at least 3 times due to vomit and poop mishaps and after a long day I picked up the kids from daycare to be notified that they all have Lice. OMG I hate bugs


1/28/11
My goal today is to put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving forward. Life as I know it has changed and transitioning into being a mommy of 6 is a work in progress but, despite the runny noses, coughs, and even the lice I blessed to be at a place in my life that I have the opportunity to give these precious kids a life they could not have otherwise.


1/29/11
Just when I am feeling overwhelmed or that I am not strong enough to do this on my own, God gently reminds me that I am not alone and that he is and always will be my strength. That moment is quickly followed by the kids say something adorable that makes me smile and helps me keep on going! =)


2/08/11
Last week it was lice, this week it is pink eye and the flu, my goal today is to squeeze in 5 doctor appointments and homework. Did I mention I am also sick! Ugggg I feel like my house has been hit with the plague.

Our Update…

My goal for 2011 is to update my blog weekly. Wish me luck!

The last few months have been extremely difficult for me. I was working as an Account Executive at a Waste Management Company, in two graduate programs (19 credit hrs), teaching in a Special Education classroom once a week, and running my own resale business in two states. My days were long and filled with more task than I have had the time or energy to accomplish. Not to mention that David had a brain surgery at the end of September that we are still trying to recover from. When David gets sick our world stops but the rest of the world keeps on trucking right along, leaving us forced to try and catch back up.

My days have been long (17 hrs long) I have learn to function with little to no sleep and this hectic schedule of mine has left me mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained! That being said I have not had the time to keep everyone posted on the blog and generally when I found a few minutes I knew that my updates would probably only consist of me wining so I avoided blogging all together =)

Needless to say on December 15th I graduated with my first Master’s Degree in Nonprofit Studies (MNpS) and I will have a second Masters in Special Education next December. David is recovering and all smiles like always and we have officially survived one of the most stressful semesters of my academic journey.

I am learning to put David and myself on the top of my to do list because I am not in a place right now that I can afford to do otherwise. The Holidays and graduation have been hard because I miss my father greatly but I know that he is watching from a far encouraging us to push forward. I cling to the hope that things will indeed get better and that all these sacrifices will pay off in the end.

David and I appreciate all the love and support it really is what keeps us going.

Have a Happy Holidays and a Blessed New Year!

I try to remain as positive as possible. I smile and make the best of things because that is the only way to make it through this journey! I mask my pain with laughter, my fears with risk taking, and doubt in overachieving but, sometimes it’s hard. It is just one of those weeks! I am tired, anxious, and stressed and I can not find my smile today. The good thing is I know it will be back tomorrow =)

I am missing my daddy this Father's Day!

What I wouldn’t do to have the opportunity to share my life with him or hear his stories again. To tell him that not only did I get a Bachelors’ but I am working on a Masters. I wish I could have him to advice me on my decisions, to console me on my bad days, and laugh with me during life’s crazy moments. I wish that he could see how much David has grown, how amazing his spirits still are, and to just be with us to cherish all those special moments.


*Feb 2007*
The sad day has come when I have to say goodbye.
Although I know the answer my heart asks why.
There are so many questions racing through my mind.
Who will walk me down the isle when it is time?
Who will I call when I have a bad day?
Who can make me laugh in that special way?
Who will cook for me and feed me till I am stuffed?
I want you here with me pictures are not enough.
I know you are at peace now and everything is intact,
But I miss you daddy and I really want you back!
I know that you can breath and move now better than you have in awhile,
And when the though of missing you is to much I hold on to your smile.
You were so much to me, my father and best friend.
Saying goodbye is to hard so; love you pops till we meet again!!!!

I am officially a blog slacker!

I have not updated since Christmas. Wow sorry guys =) I am done with school work, my room is clean, and now I am soooo ready for a vacation. Mothers day was nice and relaxing and David was so cute he rubbed my feet and said “nice” as he gave mommy a foot massage. So priceless. I am still waiting to hear if Teach for America can find placement for me in Az since I am unable to relocate so as for now my future plans are still on hold. David’s health is good and besides him biting again he remains a bundle of joy like always.

Project Support Our Troops 09

Hello Friends,


It is that time of year again for my annual CHRISTmas drive. For several years, with the help of many of you, we successfully sponsored single parent families for the Holidays. And, I am pleased to share that last year’s Stocking Drive generated over 80 stockings for the Pediatric Unit at Maricopa County Hospital. After some recent experiences, I have decided that I would like to sponsor men, women, and their families who will be deployed over the Holidays.


A dear friend’s 23 year old son was recently deployed to Afghanistan, leaving behind his wife and three month old daughter. Not only will he miss his daughter’s first words and first steps, he will also miss all the momentous moments in her first year. The compensation for his service is under $300.00 a month , an amount so low that the family qualifies for food stamps. While I have always known that there are courageous soldiers who serve and defend our country, I have never before had to deal with this reality on such a personal level.


I now truly appreciate the great SACRIFICE that our soldiers make for our freedom. These men, women, wives, husbands, daughters, and sons will sacrifice the Holidays at home with their families so that we have the freedom to enjoy ours. Therefore, it is with great honor that this year’s project will give back to those who are giving so much. Specifically, I would like to sponsor the young mom and daughter who have been left behind and also send care packages overseas to soldiers without families.


If you would like to help, please let me know. I will be happy to provide you with more information on the family we will be donating to here at home and the care packages that we will be sending overseas. Also, feel free to pass this information along to anyone else who might be interested in our efforts.


Please take a moment to watch the link below.


Thanks again for your support,
Michelle Campuzano


dadasmom5@yahoo.com


(602)299-9348








Lizzie Palmer, who put this YouTube program together, is just 15 years old!http://www.youtube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1

I am feeling very tiered, overwhelmed, discouraged, frustrated, and defeated!!!! I hope it gets better soon, until then I will keep on hold on.

Yesterday was oh so painful…

I had an event to go to for Phoenix Youth At-Risk which I had planned to attend for over a month. I had arranged for my mother to watch David but my mom got sick. I asked my sister law to help since I knew my nieces were going to a costume party. My sister in law had plans but invited David to go with the girls since the invitation had been extended to him as well. The thing was the party was for David’s little sister Lilly (his fathers daughter) at his father’s house. David has not spent more than 10 minutes with his father in years. Some of his family has not even seen David for almost 7 years. Although I would love for David to have a relationship with his family) cousins, aunts, and uncles) it is too late for his father to try and be a dad (which he shows no interested in anyway).


Knowing his father would be preoccupied with his daughter and the party I decided to allow David to go hoping he would have the opportunity to connect with some of his family. I also knew that Lilly deserves a big brother even if Hugo (David’s father) doesn’t deserve a son. I dropped him off with my niece who promised to never leave his side. I got to the end of the block and was ready to turn back. By the time I got home I was a crying mess.


I am David’s arms and feet, his voice, his eyes and I had just left him in an unsure situation and I was not there to advocate for him, help him, or protect him. I knew he was in goods hands with my niece but letting go was very difficult. I pulled myself together and went to my event. At the event a young boy spoke about how Phoenix Youth At –Risk had transformed his life. Although his speech was very inspirational he also talked about how not having a father impacted him. How he went through feelings of worthlessness from his fathers abandonment. At that moment I thanked God David was not normal because if he could understand things like a typical 12 year old I would have to explain to him why his father is not around and seems to not care or love him. I anxiously watched my phone all night and left early to go for the kids.


When I got there to pick them up I waited outside for 30 minutes. I kept asking the people outside to let them know that I was there to get them but I guess no one cared. Finally I walked to the back to get them I kindly said hello and then got David and his stuff. His father sat in a chair with his hands thrown back and watched me struggle to maneuver the wheelchair. I eventually got David and his wheelchair in the car with to thanks to Hugo or his family.
I tried not to resent them but I did. I resented the fact that everyday I change diapers, I take care of a 12 year who depends solely on me for everything, I carry a little boy who weighs half of what I do, and I have to deal with a big clunky wheelchair and for the first time in years his father had an opportunity to help me and like always I was on my own.


I was angry that no one could even acknowledge the fact that for the last 12 years I have been David’s mother, father, caretaker, physical therapist, nurse at times, and I have been responsible for keeping my little angel alive. Making sure we keep his seizures under control, cheering him through each and every hospital stay and/or brain surgery.


I could not understand how any adult could place value on one life and not another. Why is it that his little girl deserves a party and tons of gift but, David doesn’t not even get a phone call? As I sat and had a conversation with God and realized that maybe it is not that David and I need them but they need David. His smile, his positive attitude, and his amazing courage.


It just hurts; it hurts to know that we will struggle through his next Birthday and yet another Christmas alone, while David’s father will get his other child everything she wants or need. I guess I was forced to face the challenges that many single parents face. For me it is a challenge I choose not to focus on or deal with but last night the pain of my son being abandoned and left to experience life fatherless was very real.

Well...
After four days of feeling like my stomach was being cut open from the inside out I decided to drive myself to the ER last night. I found out I have Gastro-Enteritis which is another name for an infection in the intestinal tract. The doctors say it is a bacterial virus, and they don't know how I got it but it has made my intestines and liver swell. All I know is it is very painful!!!!!!

I am not sure what is going on with my body but for the last several months I have been getting ill with serious sicknesses????? I have actually had to got to the hospital 3 times, and each time landed me in bed for over a week. I feel like I am losing so much time and so many things still need to get done! I can not eat solid food for a week so I guess that makes up for me missing the gym. lol On a brighter note David has been healthy so at least I am staying a little sane. He did have a small seizure on Sat which required valume but not Fire Department or Hospital =)

Well I have not updated in a while so I just want to let everyone know we are still alive just busy busy busy.


Outside of a few respiratory problems that landed us in the hospital for a few days things have been great. I figure the hospital stay was just for the sake of tradition because it was my first week of school. Anyone who knows David knows, knows that Holidays, the first week of school, and finals always come with a seizure or hospital stay of some sort! lol By now I know we always survive so it has become quiet humorous. Now when the Doc's ask what is wrong I tell them "nothing it is just the first week of school".


I just want to say a quick THANK YOU to all the Churches, friends, organizations, and even strangers who support us. There are moments that your support carries us through some very rough times. I think it is very important to remind people how what seems to us as little effort can have such huge impact on peoples lives.




My faith and God and Hope for a better future is what pushes us forward so that we do not remain caught up in our current struggles. I pray faithfully and just when life seems impossible God faithfully answers our prayers.


Just recently I met a church who wanted to do some mission work around my house. My mom had just moved in, I also took in my sister in law and two nieces who had no where to go. Stuff was every where and the city had cited me for all the storage on my patio. In addition this was just after David's last surgery. I was struggling to stay caught up with my graduate classes and it seemed as if my personal life and house were falling apart. Then one Sunday about a dozen angels showed up with tools and open hearts. I know they will never know how much their sweat, labor, and the Saturday they sacrificed for my family meant to us. Not only did it relieve me of a huge burden but it reassured me that God indeed hears my late night cry’s and loves me enough to respond.

So my quote of the week is "Pay It Forward" Not only can this be life changing for the ones you help it will change your life as well!


BTW Thank you Hope Kids for the great pictures!

Yesterday was so discouraging!!!!

Where do I begin? I have been sick for over three weeks now! For anyone who knows me sitting still or stopping is just not something I do. I squeeze as many tasks as I possibly can in a day so being down for this long is driving me crazy. I have been visiting my doctor twice a week. I was told by the ER that I have Bronchitis but after a follow up my doc thought it could possibly be Pneumoina. That has still not been confirmed.


As my lungs started getting better I began getting frequent dizzy spells. Again I visited my doctor who ran some labs and instructed me not to drive until we could figure out what’s going on. (I am currently working on finding a personal chauffeur lol) Although they did not find anything to explain the dizziness in the labs my liver levels (not sure what that means) came back high so again I went in for more testing. I am waiting from the results back from yesterdays labs and I have an abdomen ultra sound scheduled for next week. We are hoping the high levels are because of all the meds I have been on.


After that appointment I went to the physical therapist to address the pinched nerve in my left shoulder. There are some concerns because of how tight the muscle is. She says that she can work with me on getting better but because I constantly lift David the chances of my shoulder stay well are not great. She then proceeded to explain to me that my body can not handle the physical strain of lifting a 65lb kid around and I needed to start thinking of alternatives. I am not sure what she meant but at that point I got very upset. Now I need to do special exercises to care for myself so I can care for David like I do not have enough on my plate.


The truth is I know I need to begin to face the facts and they are that no matter how much I love David or how much I am willing to do for him, Physically there will be a day that I can no longer lift him on my own. But there are no alternatives for me. Unless God sends me a big buff man or a million dollars so I can pay someone to lift David I don’t know what I am going to do. I do know that giving David up would never be an option!


Insult to injury right before bed David had a 15 minute seizure to top off the day. We called the Fire Department because this seizure was very different from his typical seizure but he was fine and of course smiling by the time it was all said and done.


Sometimes I get tired of being patience; I question God and his timing, and don’t understand how much I need to endure to prove I am a strong woman. Anyway I am done being a winer I am over it! Today’s a new day and I am just going to have to see what today brings. I refuse to fear the future I will excitedly wait to see what comes! =)

Where do I start????

Well... Yesterday was a hard day. I was feeling very lost and alone. At one point I even became angry. Don't get me wrong I have been blessed with great friends from all different walks of life who have been very supportive of me and all of my many endeavors. It is just that David and I have now gone through Brain surgery number 29. Again I waited for a prognosis alone (meaning without a companion or "father figure" for David) No matter how much the people around me care for David and I it is only me who walks this journey. No one can understand how the uncertainty of the situation truly feels nor can I understand theirs. It is just what it is.

I was dwelling on the concept of "what comes around goes around" and "you reap what you sew". I am puzzled because I am far from perfect but my heart is a giving heart and I long to have a positive impact on all the lives David and I encounter. I help people from the goodness of my heart because my heart truly does ache to see people suffer. Why is it that every man in my life cheats on me even though I have never been a cheater? Why is it that people walk in my life, use me, and walk out with no regards for David and my well being? Do I deserve this treatment? Am I unconsciously provoking it or is it as simple as takers love givers so I am an easy target.

I have indeed learned from my mistakes and choose friends more wisely but still don't understand why I am frequently treated unfairly. OK OK I was feeling a bit sorry for myself yesterday and "life just wasn't fair".

I said all of that to say that I got on my knees and begged God for answers and if he could not give me answers I asked that he would at least give me a new perspective. Well, today I woke and started my new job. I could not have asked to work for better people or a better cause. Although, I am still unclear about why or what has or has not gone on in my life I had such a Peace about who and were I am. I know that God has me right were he wants me and even thought our future might means more challenges to come I am completely confident that God is moving in our lives and everything is going to be Fantastic (not just OK).

So at least for today I am hopeful for tomorrow PRAISE GOD!!!

To all my friends!

I must say that trials always reveal who your true friends are. Life sometimes gets the best of me and I do not stay in touch as much as I would like to. I think of my friends often but quickly get caught up in chores, homework, or my motherly duties. I realize that sometimes I just need to slow down and enjoy life and all of the many people God has blessed me with.


I have grown a lot over the years and now understand what it means to have true friends. It means that even though we may go months without talking it is OK because no amount of time or space can change the love and support shared between "true friends". In the past couple of years I have learned that many people that I would have called true friends at one point, were not, and as disappointing as that has been I have also realized that many people who I never thought really cared, do!!!!!


Some of those people are so amazing that they inspire me even without the opportunity to talk to them as much as I would like. So before I get busy with my new job, school, writing my book, and of course my little man, I just want to make sure you all know how much you mean to me. Even the strangers who take the time to say a prayer for David and I. I value you, I appreciate you, and at times like this I need you!


Just know it is people like you who keep me strong!!!!! It is like the butterfly effect. I pray that one day (soon =) ) God will use David and my story to change many lives. To share hope and inspire others. When that day comes and I have no doubt it will, know that all of you were a part of this. Keep smiling and know that your support impacted and changed two very grateful lives.

Blog Followers

If you are following our blog and it is not to much trouble please let me know by either being a follower or sending me a comment. I am not sure who is getting my updates and since I am trying to be faithful updating the blog it would be nice to know it is being read =) Please Thank you all again and again for all the prayers and support!!!!!!!

We are Home =)

Well the doctors are not a 100% sure that David does not have an infection but they are sure enough that they released him. They will continue to watch his cultures for further growth but they think that it got contaminated and that is why it showed bacteria. As far as the shunt tubing somehow the tubing the doctor was looking for from the scan of David's stomach was an old piece of tubing that was lost over five years ago. The reason they could not find it was because it has since been covered with scar tissue. The most recent "missing catheter" is actually still in David's head but was over looked?????????


I think the new doc was so preoccupied fishing for what he saw in the Cat scan that he missed it. At this point it will remain in David's head unless there are complications or he needs another surgery. His neurosurgeon Dr. Moss says it is not worth it to go in just to retrieve the tubing. Had David's neurosurgeon been notified that David was going in to emergency surgery he says he would have come in to operate. All this mess could have been prevented to some degree because Dr. Moss knows David and his head!!!!!!


David is still covered in hives and still shaking a little but he is recovering. I will keep you all posted but thanks for all the love and support. GOD IS SOOO FAITHFUL!

Today has been a long day full of uncertainties!!!!!

We are still waiting to see what cultures show and there has not been a decision yet on finding and removing the missing catheter. I had great company today which helps a whole lot. Everyone’s prayers, support, emails, phone calls, and visits go a long way!!!!!! Thanks Today I did not know what to do with myself. I could not sleep, and thinking is driving me crazy.


David is recovering but has not yet bounced back to his typical smiley self. His smile is what I have always held on too to push me through so I am trying to find his strength within myself but honestly I don’t know how my little champ does it. I have managed to squeeze a few smiles out of him but he is definitely not back to himself.


He is very swollen and at one point he could barely open his eyes. He had an allergic reaction to the meds so he is red and broken out in hives. It is obvious he is uncomfortable has been crying on and off all day. I wish I could take his place = (
In addition he keeps having unexplainable twitching and he has been jittering all day. I pray his shaking/jittering is just a weird side effect that will go away soon!


I don’t remember ever seeing him like this after surgery but, maybe he has been like this after prior surgery’s and I have just chosen to forget it. Maybe this hospital stay is just taking a toll on the both of us????? Idk


Please keep praying I will keep you posted!

I am not too sure what is going on I just know God is in the mist of it!

I am not really sure what’s going on right now seems its as if things keep getting more and more complicated!

David got out of surgery around 2:30. Doctors can not find the catheter (tube) that ran from his shunt to his stomach. The nuero surgeon searched and even had a pediatric surgeon come to assist him. They had to make the incision larger than they liked so now David has a new scar about two inches long in the middle of his stomach. After several attempts they were still never able to locate the catheter. They discussed risk and felt that the longer David was under anastia and his incision was open the higher risk of infection and complications so they deicide to sew him up and run scans in the morning.

At this point they are going to leave the catheter inside of him and we are crossing our fingers that it will not create any problems. The doctor says that he has a lot of scaring and that removing it might also create complications. Once they reconnected his shunts the doctor said that fluid rushed through. I can only imagine the pressure in his little head. Right before surgery we notice his one side of his chest was puffy and swollen. It ended up being the spinal fluid from David’s brain trying to force its way out of his head through his body.

They think that the shunt could have possibly broken because of its location. It has to be were it is now so that it can reach and drain the cyst on the left side of his brain. The doctor who operated says he doesn’t know what we can do if it breaks again which could happen so I hope to discuss that with Dr. Moss today.

In addition they ran a culture on his spinal fluid found some white cells which indicates infection. For now they will monitor him on antibiotics so there is no plan for an external drain and surgery. Please pray that this is not the case because if it is that will be a drain that runs the fluid out of his body for up to 14 days and then at least two more surgeries.

I have had better days with better news and more sleep but I am hanging in there!

May has been filled with SUPRISES!!!!

Well yesterday I got an amazing job and was confirmed on the Board of Directors for Phoenix Youth At-Risk. Today on the way to the ER after David vomited I found out that because of budget cuts there is no longer a summer program that can accommodate us. Then we get to Phoenix Children’s Hospital and discover that David’s shunt has disconnected from the tube that drains it. Apparently the tube is now sitting in his stomach. They gave me 30 minutes to prepare for an emergency surgery and off we went. Unlike the other 29 surgeries that his regular neurosurgeon Dr. Moss has completed the surgeon who is operating on David has never even seen us before, and knows nothing about David except the few notes he read in David’s thousand page chart while he rushed to prepare for surgery.

Insult to Injury...

They told me I could go back to the OR with him. You see the operating room is a very cold room filled with anywhere from 5 to 10 people all in scrubs, masks, and hair nets. There are bright lights, large machines, surgical equipment everywhere (knifes, scissors, clamps) and everything is covered with blue clothes. They lay David on a table and generally I hold him in my arms place the gas mask on him and sing to him till he falls asleep. (A little less scary than them taking him from me lying on a table, people with masks hovering over him while they hold him down and place a large plastic object over his face). As they wheeled him in the Anesthesiologist said that me going back was “not going to happen”.

As I was rushed to say my goodbyes reality hit me and I began to ball. I tried to be strong but there was just no strength in me. Then the nurse asked if there was anything they could do to make things easier on me and I replied teach your Anesthesiologist some manners. He could have told me that it was an emergency and there just was not time but he showed no sympathy or understanding. I then told them that although to them my son was just another patient they were taking away my world to go operate on his BRAIN!

I don’t know what God is doing but in the last two weeks I have graduated, lost the funding source I have survived on for the last two years, got a job, lost childcare, and am searching for a new church because of some unfortunate situations. It is a bit overwhelming for someone who doesn’t adapt well to change! I am trusting God that he is placing me were I need to be at a very rapid pace for a reason and that in time I will understand it all but, at this time I am lost and very scared.

God I am holding on for dear life but, please send me a sign or something I feel like I am being consumed with fear and confusion.

I am still anxiously waiting for an update! David is still in surgury and has been for over an hour. Still no word but I will update the bog tomorrow.

I was recently asked to prepare a speech at a celebration ceremony for one of my scholarship programs. I just thought I would share it….

10 years ago a degree was a dream even to big for me. Higher education was a possibility way beyond my reach. This morning I woke up a college graduate, proving if to no one but myself all things are possible and no dreams to big. I have to give God the glory for were I am at today and were I know he is going to bring us in the future.

It has been a very long journey for me so I will do my best to sum it up in a just a few minutes. At many points it has seemed more like a roller coaster ride. I lost my father, a good friend, David has had many medical issues (including his most recent brain surgery number 28), and life has remain very complicated for me. But this ride is over and now I will begin my journey on a new ride. No matter how hard it has been we have made it and I am walking away a much stronger better person.

Graduating is bitter sweet because I must celebrate my success with out my father. I know he would be very proud so this ones to you pops. Graduation is much scarier than I expected. As frightening as the unknown can seem I am very excited to enter the next chapter in my life with many of you by my side. I just want to thank my Mom and all of my special friends who have held me up when the burden of life was pulling me down. I could not have done it without your support.

Last but not least I want to thank my son David who truly is the wind beneath my wings. David your smile has kept me going when life has seemed impossible; your courage to face everyday no matter what that day would bring has motivated me to get out of bed even when just the thought of getting dressed has overwhelmed me. Your love has carried me through some of the hardest times in my life and you have taught me so much more than any education could even though you are only 12. So as I go on to graduate school I will follow your example and remain strong no matter what gets in my way, because your are proof that even without words, even with limitation, even while enduring so much, that it is not our obstacles that mold us into who we are yet are responses to those obstacles.