Just thinking about how amazing God has been to us. Two years ago I was on my way to Europe to go visit my mom in prison.  The reality of the trip was that this experience might be goodbye, as my mom was going into a very risky surgery to remove her Cancer. Today she is home safe and healthy.  

This year I will be returning to Europe to embark on a different journey.  This trip I get to enjoy with David and some incredible woman that God is put in my life! This memory is a reminder to me of God's promises to work all things out for his good.  

My word of advice to anyone struggling in the mist of a storm right now, would be to hold on tight because God is working out something incredible for your life.  Better than you could've ever imagined! Enjoy the ride and use every opportunity to grow closer to God, because he will carry you through the storm and walk you into your purpose and destiny.

God is so good and so faithful!

This morning I got a wake up call from the US Embassy.  They wanted to inform us that my mother who's been in prison in Spain for the last 2 1/2 years was being released home tomorrow May 25th.   It's been almost 3 years since this crazy ride started but my mom is finally  returning home healthier than I've ever seen her and Cancer free.

It's been crazy to even think about all that has gone on in our lives over the last three years.  Sometimes it takes our lives spinning out of control for God to be able to step in and show us that he's "got this"!    I'll tell you this, there's not been a trial or challenge in our lives that I haven't seen God's grace in.  Some of us are called to a rougher Road in life than others, but those who have traveled the rougher road often gain a greater understanding of God's grace and unconditional love!  I've had a lot of highs and a lot of lows in the last three years, and every second of it brought me closer to Jesus! Some people think that it is my strength that allows me to survive these challenges. I would like to think that it's the ability to allow myself to be weak in Christ, that has provided us safe travels to the next chapter in our lives.

Today has been bittersweet for many reasons.

First and foremost I will miss my students, they are and have been my sunshine! They have been the light during some of my darkest days and their smiles and courage have pulled me through. It'll be two months until I see them again and when I get them back they will be older and even more courageous than the year before. 

For some of my students School is the one safe place where they can get the love and affirmation that they deserve and need..   Unfortunately for some of the kids we work with they don't have support systems at home to remind them how incredible, worthy, and capable they are.  I have had to learn to put them all in gods hands. I hope for my students who don't understand that the reason for the two-month separation they know that the time and distance between us this summer never changes how much I love and care for them!  

Lastly I'm going to miss the love and support of my second family, our Concho's team. They too have been my sunshine during very dark moments of my life.  Good thing I'm dragging half of them to Europe with me.   To all the families and staff that I have had the opportunity to work with for the 2015/2016 academic year... Thank you!  Thank you for sharing your lives, your children, your support, and this journey with me!  I still believe the best is yet to come! 

I can't express how much joy this event brings me! I am so proud of each and everyone of my students. I know I'm there to teach them, but the truth is they teach me so much more than they will ever know.  I will sure miss them this summer, but I'm glad we got to go out with a bang.

We will forever miss you baby girl! RIP Cadance

Several people have inquired about our dog Cadance.  I haven't posted any updates because I have spent the last week trying to process the ordeal.  Cadance was David's service dog that was given to us almost 5 years ago.  Two weeks ago Cadance started vomiting and showing signs of heart failure.  We took her into the emergency vet and they found a mass near her heart that was causing the sack around her heart to fill with blood.   This is what was causing her to go into heart failure.

The next day we had her transferred to Cobblestone Veterinary Care.  The family vet was able to find a mass in her Spline.  They biobased the mass and we anxiously waited for the results.  The biopsy results confirmed that what our fur baby was struggling to overcome was in fact incurable Cancer.  Over the next week we spent quality time with her.  We knew her time on this earth would be limited, but we did not know if that would mean days or months.

The following Monday (May 2nd) I got a text from my brother that Cadance had began to vomit again.  I must have instinctively know that the time to say goodbye was drawing near, because it felt like that text ripped my heart out.  I kept my composure through our staff meeting and then rushed home to see what was going on with her. 

I called Brian and we decided to get her to the vet.  Shortly after arriving an ultrasound confirmed that the sack around her heart was filling with blood again.  It was then that I realized I was going to have to make decision.  The vet offered two options.  The first option was to attempt to remove the blood from the sack surrounding her heart again or the lay her to rest.  An Onocologist had looked at her scans and gave her no more than a month to live.  Ultimately our dog had a terminal illness and all I could do is either prolog her death or let her go peacefully.  After selfishly watching my father battle for his life, I knew I needed to be selfless in this decision, and that I had to decide what was best for Cadance. 

That was one of the most traumatic decisions I have ever had to make.  I held her in my arms until she took her last breath.  I weeped as I thanked her for her service and apologized for my shortcomings.  I am so grateful for Brian Daugherty, Shelley Daugherty, and Mom for holding my hand through this process.  I could not have done it alone.

Through it all, I realize how valuable life is and how important it is to cherish every precious moment you have (even on days that life hurts or your heart aches).  It's been rough,  I've been angry, I've been sad,  I have felt tired, and overwhelmed, but I still stand firm knowing our breakthrough is just around the corner.  I will not allow Satan to win this one.  Ultimately I know that this is just a test and there's no way I can fail the test when I have chosen to learn from the master of instructors.

So if you notice I am pulling away, distant, or different in any way please understand that we are grieving.  We have had to face a tremendous amount of loss this year and although I know God is in control, earthly matters still hurt my human heart.

I don't know who was more excited about our field trip today, the kids or myself? LOL Today was incredible! I was blessed to be able to share the experience with all of my students, our ALC program, Student Council, and the promoting 8th grade class .  

Our school does not have a budget for field trips, so field trips are rare for our students. Thanks to a generous donation from AZ Air Time, Conchos students were able to celebrate their success, having some good old-fashioned fun with one another.  Watching their faces light up and hearing their cheers as we pulled in the parking lot of Az Air Time, was priceless!  

It's times like this in my life that I truly appreciate the value of opportunities and experiences like this one.  I'm so grateful for every smile I get to share with each and every one of the students at Conchos.  I hope that I'm having an impact on their lives because they surely have a great impact on mine. 

Reflecting on today, I'm feeling very grateful.  God always shows up for me, with exactly what I need, at the perfect time.  As God promises, he always has and always will supply all of our needs. 

Often, God does so by using willing vessels.  Thank you Jeff at AZ Air Time for showing support and investing in the spectacular students at Conchos.  Thank you for helping us show them that THEY ARE WORTH IT!

I hate the grief process! It seems lately I've had to go through it time and time again. Before I even fully process the previous loss, i'm faced with another. I'm tired! Lord whatever lesson you need me to learn,  PLEASE teach me quickly!  

I'm feeling exhausted!

2 years ago we found out that my mom had Cancer.  In January of 2015, I underwent surgery to remove Cancerous cells from my cervix.  A few months ago my big brother Ed, had melanoma removed from his scalp and  this week I found out that Cadance has untreatable Cancer throughout her body.  

Cancer I rebuke you in the name of JESUS!!!!!!

                         

                           

I will testify of how great my God is, no matter how hard the storm hits!

29 Then I said to you, “Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. 30The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” Deuteronomy 1:30-31

I LOVE BEING HIS MOM!

 

David has been a riot all weekend. 
He's decided that he wants to wear glasses no matter who's glasses they are or how he wears them. Half the time he puts them on upside down. He's also tried to escape the house three times. I set up a trap and watched him from the street.   This kid grabbed his toy open the door and pushed his toy out and crawled after it. I guess I should be happy that he didn't start sneaking out the house until age 19.  Today this is how he told me he wanted to drink. He collected water bottles and put them around his cup.  

As the storm hits, I realize that the lesson God wants me to learn in this, is that I have to lay the battle at his feet and let him take the lead.  

The other day while trying to process some of the current uncertainties in my life, I asked God to guide me to a scripture. The first scripture I got was about putting on the full armor of God! I got it... the one piece of armor I am missing is his word. I know how to trust him, speak with him, praise him, but I have been convicted that I am not relying on the word of God as much as I should be.   

Today after a looooong day, I drug myself to Bible study.  I know that if I want to be the best I can be for my son, youth, students, school, friends, and family I must put in the work necessary to advance me for the Kingdom. I know I'm not strong enough on my own.

I've decided to lay down my weapons and pick up the word of God because I know GOD ALWAYS WINS!

The word to best describe every aspect of my world right now is CHOAIS. God is challenging me and I am defiantly feeling the growth pains. As much as it hurts, growth pains mean I am growing. God is grooming me and it has challenged every aspect of my being, but that means he needs me prepared. So as much as I am frustrated and overwhelmed in my current situations, I am excited to see what God has planned! I proclaim this day, that this TEST will be an extraordinary TESTIMONY of God's faithfulness!

I am headed to my WAR ROOM to hand it all over to God!

"11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:11 -17

Cesar Chavez High School Prom 2016

Our first stop before Prom  was to deliver the first corsage to Pam, Jessica's mom.  There's a butterfly on each corsage and David's boutonniere to remind us that her spirit is with us! We love and miss you Jessica Dunn!

                     

As I reflect on today my heart is overwhelmed with joy! I think of David's face when he saw his two gorgeous prom dates. As we were taking photos we couldn't get them to look at the camera because he was mesmerized staring up at the most beautiful dates there! His dates Juno Starko & Laylanie Pinchem.  As special mom we often miss out on many of the "typical" experiences parents look forward too. David has attended prom, but I wanted him to experience a regular high school prom, with all the lights and glamour. Tonight I got to send my son off to prom, this time to regular prom without mom.   As I got in my car I couldn't stop the tears of joy as I thanked God for fulfilling the desires of my heart.   

I knew David was in good hands because I watch these women take care of our babies in the classroom every single day. You women are remarkable and God has huge plans for you. Thank you for affording us this opportunity and experience, one David  nor I will ever forget and will be forever grateful for. #kindnesswins #Godheatsyou

I am so grateful for all of our faithful supports who have graciously supported all of my endeavors.  I am at it again. 

I am currently in the process of organizing our annual school yard sale.  This has been our schools largest fundraiser.  Our rummage/yard sale was originally supposed to be this weekend but we were not able to collect enough donations to sale, so we have postponed the sale for May 7th. With our district facing the challenge of overcoming a $5 million deficit, the reality is that necessities in the coming year. the funds we previously raised to purchase extras will be needed to purchase

Here is how you can help.  If you have any items that you would like to donate, we will be collecting items for the next month.  Please message me and we can arrange a way to get them to our school.  You can also support us by coming by our sale on May 7th. 

Your donations would be greatly appreciated.  Anything left after the sale will be donated to families in the community, to Best Buddies Az, and to a ministry in Mexico. 

If you don't have items to donate or a need to shop at our sale please pray for our success.  There is power in prayer and these families deserve all the love and support we can provide them!

If every time Satan attempts to knock you down, you get right back up and use your circumstance as a platform to testify of God's glory and grace, Satan will eventually realize you're not worth it to him!

Just remember that Satan only has the platform we give him. God is always with you even in the mist of storms that make him feel so far away. Trust him and see him and everything because he is there!.

It has been one of those days…

4:00pm

Just the thought of the things I need to accomplish this week has me extremely overwhelmed. Lesson plans, IEP's, coordinating field trips, school fundraisers, student council, David's SSI, child support, guardianship paperwork, bills, banking, student loans, yard work, household chores, car wash, grocery shopping, laundry, taxes, medical appointments, scheduling dental work for both David and I, and the list goes on. Once my book is published, the first thing I'm going to do is hire a personal assistant!

9:30pm

When all else fails... Stop, take a breath, and then make Easter baskets for your kids, while listening to worship, and watching videos of David and your students. I know how to cheer myself up!

I prayed for favor as I walked into the Social Security office this morning. Not only did I pray for favor but then I stood on the word of God, faithfully believing that favor is exactly what I would get. 

I still struggle every time I have to walk into an agency that requires me to report to them about how I care for my child, manage my home, and my finances.  It feels as if you have to check your pride and dignity at the door.  For us, it's also a reminder that David's father chooses not to help or participate in his life, making the load even heavier for me.

The interview did not go as I had planned, but I am confident it went as God had planned.   At one point The woman conducting the interview even looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "I'm sorry it's a system we forced to work with, not that we all agree with it".  The conversation led us into discussion about advocacy and the importance for families to not give up and find their voices. I shared pictures of David's smile with her and I got to share my testimony of how and why I decided to become a Special Educator. 

By the end of the meeting I knew Jesus was there with us. I also knew that my anxiety and emotions are more about how out-of-control so many relevant factors in my life are right now.

Reflecting I realize that I don't need control because God has a much greater handle on my future  than I ever will. Undoubtably I know that God has a much greater plan that I just can't yet understand.   

So although things don't look like they ended up in our favor. I know they did!

Sharing Love is the best way to heal!  One year ago I went on a adventure with several Hope kid families. We built the house for this incredible family that stole my heart! I decided to return with a few teacher friends and some school supplies.  Once again, I'm leaving with so much more than I brought!  In one year the Jimenez Family has made that house that was built for them by Hopekids and 1 Mission and have not only made it a home, they are also using it to teach the local children's gardening, art, and most importantly about Jesus!   People think small kind gestures don't create a large impact, but the truth is they do. This woman took that blessing and has used it to bless and entire neighborhood! If those neighborhood children also share that love and knowledge with others, think of how great of an impact, a small sacrifice on the part of others, had on creating such great change for the kingdom of Christ!  Make a difference it really does matter!

To top it off I got to do it with the reason behind my smile. The person you inspires me to be all I can be. The person who taught me to love like Jesus, my son!

"6 I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. 7 It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work." (1 Corinthians 3:6-8)

The comfort in his voice

My post is probably all over the place as has been my mind this week.  I am just trying to process life right now, real and in the moment. 

Today I felt so many different emotions. I was sad, angry, confused, frustrated, and anxious all bottled inside me.  My week has been emotionally draining.  First to find out that our beautiful Jessica when home to be with Jesus, then I found out my brother dodge the cancer bullet.   This week we also found out that our district is in a budget deficit and that positions will be eliminating which might impact our school, which is like a family to me, and when I thought the week was finally over I found out that I tested positive for Influenza A.  I am a big girl and am not worried about surviving the flu, but can’t bring this illness to my son who is fragile. 

This is in addition to my normal concerns about losing David, my students, my mom, my dear friend who just had to put her son on a hospice plan. My heart has still not stopped aching for the last parents I had to watch say goodbye to their child.

So many thoughts and emotions flooded my mind like a tornado.  I decided to breath and seek God.  I pulled away because I was angry, but I was unconsciously creating distance at a time that I need God the most!

I needed silence, but all around me there was so much noise.  When I listened closely I could hear the voice of God softly whispering, “it is going to be OK, the best is yet to come, you will understand one day”.  I am calmed by his presence and know that despite all the loss in our lives right now he is right there with me.  I AM NOT ALONE!  WE ARE NOT ALONE!

I'm going to praise Jesus through the storm because that's the only way I'm going to survive this! I still see Jesus in all of this. I still feel his presence as he continuously reassures me that everything is going to be OK.  

The hope in our struggles is that when you're at your most vulnerable, that is when Jesus comes to the rescue.  Struggles are when you will have some of your most intimate experiences with God, if you allow the opportunity.

No matter how much life hurts right now, I know that God will use these moments in our lives to prove to the world how real he is!  A good life is not only about having great experiences; it is about finding God in EVERY experience he blesses you with. 

I know it much easier said than done and these words are a reminder to myself... just trust and stand on his word.

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28