Learning To Love Yourself Is A Very Valuable Lesson!

The last year and a half has been extremely challenging for me.  I have faced my biggest fears, overcome heartbreaking trials, and as a result I was forced to reevaluate every idea and dream that I had spent the last 20 years creating.   It made me question my identity, value, and sometimes even my purpose.  At times I felt as if the storms would never end, which also made me question what would be left of me when and if the storm passed.   Through all of this, I learned the most valuable life lesson I could have ever learned.

That is...  Our trials, accomplishments, physical appearance, and/or our status mean nothing without God.  I had to face loosing anything and everything that I thought made me, to realize that God made me and that is all that matters.   I had to learn to love myself with or without  a partner, babies, a bigger house, a large savings account, a perfect body, or the approval of others.

For a period of time it seemed as if everything I had invested my life into was being ripped away from me in an instant.  I could not understand why the God I love and serve would allow this to happen in my life.  Now I know that God indeed had a purpose for my struggles.  He was developing a foundation that was not reliant on outside factors.  He was developing my faith and character while teaching me the most valuable lesson I had yet to learn.  The end result is the successful victory over a battle I have fought to overcome for as long as I can remember (a battle to love myself).   In my brokenness I had to rely on God and dig deep within my soul to find the value in me, to survive and overcome.  That I did.

I can not explain how incredible it feels to be at a place in my life that I can finally LOVE ME. I love me despite of me, no matter what I have, or who else approves of me.  I love me because the word of God says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I feel like I am running a race and I am almost to my finish line.  I am so close that I can feel and even taste the success, but when you have been running for so long that last stretch is the hardest.  I will not focus on how tired I am I will focus on how close I am to being where I have worked so hard to get.  Please keep my family in your prayers as we run our home stretch. 

No matter how beautiful people present themselves to be in public, God knows the truth of ones heart and that truth will eventually reveal itself.  It means nothing if you fool me because you can't fool my Lord and Savior and his vengeance is far greater than mine. I am not blind I just choose to let God fight my battles.

When you live your life this way, it can make it difficult to understand those who don't. Don't try and get on their level to understand.  Their lives will speak for themselves, all we can do is do our best to be our best. I strive for the acceptance of one person (JESUS) and I already have that.

It is amazing what happens when you quit chasing change and start chasing God!

I am beginning to notice that every time I go through a trial in my life the end result is a better ME. Through my brokenness and trials I have learned to cherish life and be content with what God has already given me.

For many years the burden of David’s health has plagued me.  I wanted more than anything in the world for my son to be healthy.  Naturally I longed for that but, after almost losing him three years ago I realized that I have a perfect child and our purpose on this earth is being fulfilled with our lives just as they are. 

As I have gotten older I have longed to be young again. There are days that lifting David and caring for him takes all the energy I have.  Recently after a cancer scare I realized how truly blessed I am that I even have the ability and strength to do what I do.  Everyday now, I count my blessings and thank God that he has given me strength and resilience to persevere. 

Once I hit my 30’s I felt this pressure of what my life should look like and be.  I had pursued an education and accomplished that, I own a home, have a great career, yet still felt inadequate because in my mind my fairytale ending included a prince charming and babies.   I was not allowing myself to enjoy the incredible life and accomplishments I had been blessed to experience due to the fact that I was placing my value in my marital status among other things. 

It is remarkable how God teaches me some of the most crucial life lessons through brokenness and situations far from ideal.  After an unfortunate experience with someone I thought could be a potential life partner I realized that my error was expecting anything or anyone but God to increase my value.   In this case I found that when I got what I thought I wanted and needed it felt as if my value was decreasing. 

I realized I was chasing my dreams and not Gods dreams for me.   Through my shattered dreams I realized that I don’t need health, youth, a partner, or anything temporary on this earth to complete me.  God has promised that “He who started a good work will be faithful to complete it” and I will stand on his promises. 

For the first time ever in my life the only thing I am chasing is Jesus.  Instead of seeking a partner or perfection,  I  now seek the Lord.  As a result I can now clearly see how God has abundantly blessed us.  How he has protected us and allowed unfortunate circumstances and encounters to build character and instill faith in our lives.   I am no longer driven by my desire for more.  I am learning to love myself and be content with who God has created me to be.  I am discovering how to love life just as it is, in the moment, regardless of the obstacles in our path. 

So often I would become frustrated with life when it seemed to take me down a road I did not plan on traveling.  Through God’s perfect understanding I now see that some of those roads were necessary to get me to my final destination.  A place of peace, comfort, healing, and the best of all…  The presence of my Lord and Savior!

Embrace the challenges in your life because if you allow them to, they can make you a better you.